Wedding Planning Guide: The Wedding Ceremony

Q. My parents are divorced and each has remarried. Where do my parents sit in the church?
A. The same procedure applies to both the bride's and the groom's parents, with the bride's parents' seating arrangement on the left side of the aisle and the groom's parents on the right side.

Your mother and stepfather sit in the front pew with members of your mother's immediate family— grandparents, aunts and uncles-immediately behind them. If your parents have remained on friendly terms, your father sits in the next pew back with his wife and their family members.

If your parents have not remained on friendly terms but you are close to both of them, it is more difficult. Your mother still sits in the front pew, but your father would sit two or three rows further back. If you have been living with your father and stepmother and have had little to do with your own mother, your father and your stepmother sit in the front pew and your mother sits further back.

Q. Do friends of the bride always sit on one side of the church and friends of the groom on the other?
A. They usually do. The left side of the church is the bride's; the right side the groom's. At weddings where the great majority of guests are friends of one family or the other, the ushers, may ask. some of them if they would mind sitting on the other side. This not only makes the congregation look more balanced but offers more guests the desirable seats near the aisle.

Q. Does the mother of the bride (or groom) wear a coat as she walks up the aisle when the weather is cold?
A. No. As a rule, the mothers leave their outerwear in the vestibule of the church so as not to spoil the effect of their dress. If the church is cold, they may have their coats put in the pews by an usher ahead of time, to be thrown over their shoulders during the ceremony.

Q. Can anyone be seated after the bride's mother is escorted up the aisle?
A. No. If people arrive after that, they must stand in the vestibule, go to the balcony or slip into a rear pew from a side aisle.

Q. What is the order of attendants in the processional?
A. The ushers lead the procession, walking two by two, the shortest men first. Junior ushers follow the adults. Junior bridesmaids come next. The bridesmaids follow, usually walking in pairs also. When there are very few bridesmaids or an uneven number, they may walk in single file. After the bridesmaids comes the matron of honor, then the maid of honor. A flower girl and finally the ring bearer immediately precede the bride and her father.


Q. Does the bride walk up the aisle on her father's right arm or left arm?
A. His right arm. When she and her father reach the groom, who is standing tothe center right at the head of the aisle, she then will be next to him with her right arm free to be given to him. This also leaves the bride's father in the most convenient position to reach his seat in the left pew afterward.

Q. How long does the father remain at her side after the bride reaches the groom's side?
A. Until the clergyman says' 'Who giveth this woman to be married?" After answering, the bride's father turns and joins, his wife in the pew.

Q. The phrase "giving the bride away" in the wedding ceremony makes me see red. Can you offer an alternative to including the question "Who gives this woman. . . ?" in the wedding ceremony?
A. If you feel so strongly about deleting this question from your wedding ceremony, by all means discuss your feelings with your clergyman. You may find him receptive to your objections and able to offer you an alternative you find acceptable. I know of one young woman whose clergyman replaced the offending question with a very lovely sentiment. At the appropriate place in the ceremony, he asked, "Who represents the families in blessing this marriage?"

Q. Who escorts the bride if she has no father?
A. A brother, uncle, godfather and close family
friend are all excellent choices. Although it is not at all traditional; the bride's mother may serve as escort if that is what would make the bride the happiest. If there are no suitable relatives or friends, it also is. untraditional but acceptable for the groom to escort the bride or for the bride to walk alone. The determining factor is the bride's wishes, after consultation with the clergyman.

Q. What is the order for the recessional?
A. The bride and groom together lead the recessional, followed by the flower girl and ring bearer, walking together. Next are the maid of honor and the best man. The other attendants step forward two at a time and pair off, each usher escorting a bridesmaid down the aisle. When there are more ushers than K bridesmaids, the extra men follow the couples, walking in pairs. If there is an odd man, he walks alone at the end. This is the traditional recessional, although it is acceptable for the wedding party to leave as it entered—bridesmaids together and ushers together—if the bride prefers.


Q. Is it permissible to have a receiving line at the back of the church after the ceremony?
A. Yes, if there is to be no reception, or if there are I ig many more guests at the ceremony than there will be § at the reception, the bride and groom may stop and greet their guests at the back of the church. This is never done if the majority of those present are going on to the reception. The receiving line, in order, consists of the bride's mother, the bride, the groom and the bridesmaids. The groom's mother certainly may be included, but the fathers need not stand in the line.

Q. What part do grandparents have in a wedding?
A. A very special part—they are most honored guests. The grandmothers receive a corsage and they are seated directly behind (or next to, if preferred) the parents during the ceremony and they are seated at the parents' table during the reception.

Q. Are all Jewish weddings held in synagogues?
A. Although some Jewish weddings are held in synagogues, they need not be; therefore many are held in hotels, halls or clubs, with the ceremony and the reception in the same place.

Q. Is the attire for the bridal party and guests the same for a Jewish wedding as for a Christian ceremony?
A. Brides and attendants wear almost the same clothing as is worn for a Christian ceremony, although Orthodox brides are always veiled. At Conservative and Orthodox weddings all men must wear yarmulkes or, if the wedding attire is formal, top hats during the ceremony. They may be taken off after a Conservative wedding ceremony but must be worn during both the ceremony and the reception at Orthodox weddings.

Q. Are Orthodox and Conservative ceremonies the same as Reform services?
A. No, they differ in certain aspects. In the first two, the processional is led by the ushers; followed by the bridesmaids. The rabbi comes next, accompanied by the cantor (if one is participating in the ceremony), then the best man and next the groom, walking between his parents. Thé maid of honor follows them, and thé bride, escorted by her parents, comes last.

The ceremony is performed under a canopy called achuppah, sometimes made of flowers but more often a richly decorated cloth. The bride, groom and the two honor attendants stand under the chuppah during the ceremony, as do the parents if it is large enough. Much of the service is conducted in Hebrew.





The bride and groom always lead the recessional. The order of the bridal party may vary, but generally the two sets of parents follow, then the maid of honor with the best man, the rabbi and cantor and finally the bridesmaids and ushers.

The Reform service is usually very, similar to a Christian wedding in arrangement. English is used and the canopy may bè dispensed with. The groom is ushered by his best man, and the bride, is escorted by her father. The order of attendants is the same as in a Christian ceremony. The bride's father, although he escorts her, does not give her away in a Jewish ceremony.

Q. How do Roman Catholic ceremonies differ from Protestant wedding ceremonies?
A. In marriage ceremonies that include participation in a nuptial mass the bridal party is often seated, with the bride and groom seated on two chairs before the altar. There generally is a kneeling bench, and the maid of honor and the best man remain in the sanctuary with the bride and groom. Guests and members of the wedding party may receive Communion during the mass only if they are Catholic, and, while it is preferred that both the best man and maid of honor be Catholic, at least one must be.

If Communion is served during Protestant ceremonies, which occurs very rarely, the bridal party usually remains standing or is seated to the side as guests come forward to receive the sacrament. Otherwise, the processional, the arrangement of attendants during the ceremony, the recessional and the other details are like those for other Protestant weddings.

Q. How does a home wedding-differ from a traditional church wedding?
A. The ceremony itself is exactly the same as it is in church and the order for the processional is, too. The only differences are that, unless the home is a mansion, the number of guests and attendants is fewer and . there is no recessional. After congratulating you, the clergyman steps aside, an usher removes the prayer' bench, if one is used, and your family and friends come forward to offer their best wishes.

Q. What is the order of the processional, ceremony and recessional for a double wedding?
A. Both grooms' ushers go first, followed by the bridesmaids and maid of honor of one bride and then that bride and her father. If the two brides are sisters, the older sister and her attendants are the first irt the processional. After the -first bride and her father, the second bride's bridesmaids follow, then her maid of honor, then the bride and her escort. If the two brides are sisters, the younger sister would be escorted by an older brother or nearest male relative or a close family friend.

During the ceremony, the service is read to both couples, but those points that require responses are read twice. The first bride and groom answer first.
At the end of the ceremony, the first bride and groom leave first, followed by the second bride and groom. The maids of honor follow, walking with the two best men, then the bridesmaids and ushers, in pairs, with the older couple's attendants going first.

Q. How else does a double wedding differ from a single wedding?
A. They don't really differ, other than in the areas mentioned above and in the fact that there are simply more people to arrange. The seating of the parents during the ceremony is more complicated. When two sisters share a double wedding, both grooms' parents must either agree to share the first pew on the right or they must draw lots for it. If the brides are not sisters, their two mothers share the first pew.

At the reception, two separate receiving lines are formed when the brides are not sisters. When they are sisters, their mother—and their father, if he wishes— stand first. Next to them is the first groom's mother, then the first, or older, bride and her groom, followed by the second groom's mother, and then the second bride and groom. Both maids of honor join the line, but not the bridesmaids since the line is already quite long. If the groom's fathers wish to be in the receiving line, they would stand after their wives.

When each couple has many attendants, it is better that they have separate bridal tables, close to or facing each other. Each couple has its own cake, and they cut them one after the other so that each may watch the other's ceremony.

If there are three sets of parents involved, they generally share the parents' table at the reception. If four sets of parents are involved, it is more comfortable to have two separate tables so that grandparents, etc., may be included.

The Place and the Time: Ceremony and Reception

The Ceremony
Unless you plan to be married by a Justice of the Peace, the location of your nuptials should be decided upon with your spiritual needs in mind. Many of you have been brought up in a certain house of worship and this is often an easy choice. But when a conflict of religion exists between you and your fiance, you must carefully work out all the details to meet both of your needs and desires. Try not to let parents pressure you! How you plan to raise your children may assist you in your decision making. Don't hesitate to make ah appointment with the clergy of your fiance's house of worship (or he with yours, depending on what the case may be). You will want to understand everything about the faith you and/or your children will be entering.

When approaching the ceremony site of your choice, have an alternative date in mind, just in case. And when choosing the time of day, if your house of worship is flexible, keep in mind that most function facilities prefer to book two wedding receptions per room on Saturdays. Typically, the first arrival would have the room until 4:30 or 5 p.m. If the facility has a sizable working staff, the evening reception might be given an arrival as early as 6 p.m., although 6:30-7 p.m. is more the norm.

In other words, don't plan your ceremony in such a way that you and your guests have two hours to kill before cocktails.
Obtain from your clergy all requirements and restrictions, in writing if you can. Know what documents of proof you will need, when you will need them, and if premarital counsel is required. And be sure to determine to some degree how long your service will be, so you may quote a fairly accurate arrival time when seeking your reception site.

The Reception
Once the ceremony site has been set, get out the yellow pages and contact every banquet facility within easy or acceptable driving distance of your church. Ask family or friends if they have ever attended a social
function at any of these places. Make note of their likes and dislikes, but always keep in mind that the final judgment rests with you. Besides, if someone makes a negative comment about a particular banquet facility, you can always contact your local Better Business Bureau to inquire if any formal complaints have been lodged against that facility.

When phoning the hotel, restaurant, or function facility, ask to speak with the banquet sales office. Furnish your requested wedding date, arrival time, and estimated number of guests, and ask that all menus and package plans (when available) be mailed to you. Do not hesitate to call the most expensive place in town, or even the one you vowed you'd never have your reception at, because the menus and planners may provide you with ideas you never thought of, as well as handy price comparisons. When calling, you need not commit to anything, or provide your phone number. Just reply politely that you will look over the brochures and get back to them if you're interested. And if any particular place claims to be booked for your requested day or dates, ask for the material anyway, explaining that you are still in the planning stages.

Then sit back and wait. But you shouldn't wait too long. The best banquet sales representatives will get the information out to you that very same day if they know anything about the value of your business!

Decorations: Turning a Bare Hall into a Festive Wonderland

Decorating for your reception can be one of the most intimidating projects you'll tackle for your wedding. Turning a bare hall into a festive wonderland or stamping your own personality on an already decorated banquet hall can be quite a challenge.

First envision the look you want. Do you want a soft Victorian look with pastels or an upbeat contemporary look with black and white? Today's brides are decorating their reception sites as elaborately and elegantly as budgets allow, and with a style and flair unheard of a decade ago.

Renovating your reception site can be as simple or elaborate as you like. Barring any restrictions on decorating, it is possible to achieve any unique look within your budget. Make sure you ask plenty of questions at the reception site before you select any decorations

When you select a reception site, it is essential that you find out what items the site has on hand and what items you will need to provide. There are many local party rental and decoration companies to service your reception needs.

Don't choose decorations that will clash with your reception site. A fancy ballroom might be overwhelmed with too many decorations or a bare hall might come alive with a little creative decorating. For a garden wedding use a more casual country theme than a reception in a grand ballroom.

Add lively touches with little white lights, greenery, fabric bunting, cascades of ribbons, floral garlands and topiary trees. Don't forget about the bridal, cake and gift tables. Use multilayered table linens, pinned up with bows, in your wedding colors to make them stand out.

Try doing something a little different with ice sculptures. It's a sure way to add an elegant touch. Find out if your reception hall creates ice sculptures or if you need to hire someone to bring it in. Many sculptors will let you make up your own personalized design to customize the sculpture to your wedding. Ask the sculptor about special bases, accent lighting, and pick up and delivery times. The sculpture should be set up about an hour before your reception starts to assure that it won't start melting too soon. Also have the sculptor get in touch with your florist to coordinate the ferns and flowers at the base of the sculpture with your other floral decorations.

Use your imagination to create table centerpieces. Use mirrors, flowers, balloons, floating candles, anything that enhances your tables and the mood you want to create.

Rental companies are a good source of ideas when it comes to decorating your site. Most of them will have items that you'd love to have for your wedding but just can't afford to buy, such as silver candelabras, china, lovely stemware, or color-coordinated linens. Some other popular choices are:

• Arches
• Canopies
• Gazebos
• Guest book stands
• Aisle runners
• Wishing wells
• Chairs
• Tables
• Platforms
• Flatware
• Champagne fountains
• Portable bars
• Dance floors
• Table Skirting
• Serving equipment

Keep in mind that a rental company can do much more to set the tone of your reception than simply provide extras. For example, the china and flatware will complement each other and the total mood of the reception. If you've always liked the romantic look of lace tablecloths, a rental company can give you several patterns from which to choose.

Tents are becoming increasingly popular as another alternative to a rented hall or church. With the beautiful parks and historic areas in Northeast Ohio why not have your ceremony or reception in a tent? Tents are not what they used to be. With new technology they come with chandeliers, hardwood floors, arches, bathrooms, air conditioning and heating. Your rental company can answer any questions you may have.

If the tent is in your backyard contact your homeowners insurance to get insured for one or two days while the tent is up. If it's on public property, make sure they carry the necessary insurance.

Having an outdoor ceremony or reception? Renting a tent in case of rain is a smart idea.

When selecting a rental company, discuss in detail the total color scheme and style of your wedding. Encourage suggestions. The experts should have lots of good ideas.

When selecting a rental company, find out if there will be delivery charges, set-up and take-down costs, when the equipment is due back, and who is responsible for cleaning and returning the equipment. Make sure that if you can't get it back on the day that you agreed upon, that you make arrangements with the rental company or they will charge you for every extra day.

Be aware that when your equipment is delivered, it will be unloaded near the truck. Rental companies usually have many deliveries to make before wedding weekends, and they simply don't have the time to move equipment for you unless it is scheduled in advance. If you want it carried into the house or to the back yard you must notify the rental company in advance and there may be an extra charge.

Most companies require a 25% deposit when an order is placed and cash on delivery. During the summer months rental equipment is in high demand, so try to select a rental company at least four to six months in advance. Confirm exact times of delivery and pick-up the week before to be sure you have everything necessary for a successful and memorable day.

If you're not looking for elaborate decorations but still want to dress up your reception hall and give it a party atmosphere, balloons are the right decoration for you. Balloons can economically decorate a larger area than flowers alone, and their possibilities are endless.

Balloon companies can design arches to span doorways and the bridal party table. Balloons also can supplement or replace flowers as center pieces on the guest tables. Scatter balloons on the dance floor to make the place look festive. You might want to consider a balloon sculpture for a unique touch. Ask your consultant about the different ways you can use balloons within your budget to design a creative balloon scheme.

Another new use for balloons are the balloon machines. They can put flowers, teddy bears, almost any decoration you want inside clear balloons for unique centerpieces.

When you order your balloons, be sure to buy enough for consistency in pictures. Ask the consultant to go with you to the site to get a better idea of what you'll need. Balloons come in almost every color possible, so it's easy to coordinate them with your color scheme.

Try to picture the reception site when it is completely decorated. Balloons are a wonderful decorating tool, but be careful not to overdo it. Make it festive, not a balloon jungle.

Besides your reception, don't forget about bridal showers, bachelor parties and the rehearsal dinner. Balloons are a great way to enhance any festive occasion.

Balloon releases are also a popular option for after the ceremony. Instead of throwing rice or birdseed when the couple leaves the church, each guest releases a helium-filled balloon.

Talk to several balloon companies before you decide, and ask plenty of questions. Make sure the company uses balloons made only of natural latex, which is biodegradable and easy on the environment. Also for environmental reasons the balloons should be hand-tied instead of sealed with a metal clip.

Find out what other services the company provides and what their charges are. Are delivery, set-up, and clean-up included? Is there a rental charge for the balloon sculpture frames?

Plan ahead to secure your date with the balloon company. Elaborate decorating will require more time and planning. Most companies usually require four to six months notice.

With a clear picture of what you want in mind and the help of a decorator with an established name who can guarantee quality service, you can achieve the desired look for your reception. This is your opportunity to make your big day truly unique.

The Ceremony: How to Say 'I Do!'

Planning a wedding in the 21 century can be confusing, at best. With so many choices available, from invitation style to the bridal gown, many first-time brides find it easy to get overwhelmed. The myriad of decisions that need to be made by the wedding date deadline seem to grow with each passing day, and the pressure to do everything right can be oppressive.

The wedding ceremony is one area you shouldn't have to stress out about. There are a few traditions that are usually observed, but they are flexible to accommodate today's nontraditional families that result from divorce and remarriage, as well as the growing emphasis on gender equality.

In traditional Christian weddings, the bride's family and friends occupy the left side of the church, while the groom's family and friends sit on the right. The opposite seating arrangement is observed in a Jewish ceremony. In both types of ceremonies, the family of the bride and groom sit closest to the altar.

After all the other guests have been seated, one groomsman escorts the mother of the groom to her seat, and they are followed by her husband. The mother of the bride is then escorted down the aisle by a groomsman so that she is the last person seated.

The groom, best man, and officiant take their places at the altar. At the start of the music, the bridal party begins their processional. It is up to you and your fiance to decide whether the groomsmen should escort the bridesmaids down the aisle, or just wait for them at the altar. Whichever option you choose, the attendants should be lined up according to height, from shortest to tallest.

The maid or matron of honor follows the rest of the wedding party, and the ring bearer and flower girl bring up the rear.

At this point, the guests should all rise in anticipation of the bride's arrival. She is escorted down the aisle by her father, who stands at her right when presenting his daughter's hand to the groom. The ceremony begins when the couple turns to face the officiant.

You and your fiance must decide whether you will recite the traditional vows, or pen your own. Although you have full freedom over what you may say during the ceremony, many people choose the traditional vows for their charm and quaint symbolism. Still, others choose this opportunity to express their love for each other in a uniquely personal way, and find writing their own vows to be an intensely rewarding experience.

Many couples also object to the sentiment expressed in the vows that a wife should "love, honor, and obey" her husband, as though she is his property. The line that proclaims them as "man and wife" is also objectionable, since it labels women as only wives, while men are important people. These lines can easily be changed without sacrificing any of the love symbolized by the wedding vows.

Once the ceremony has ended, the couple is announced by the clergy member, and they begin their recessional, side by side and arm in arm. They are followed by the ringbearer and flower girl, the best man and maid or matron of honor, and the paired groomsmen and bridesmaids.

Any of these customs may be modified to fit you and your fiance's needs. For example, you may choose to have the flower girl and ring bearer sit with their parents after walking down the aisle, since little kids generally have a hard time keeping still.

With the addition of children from earlier marriages, and stepparents from parents' remarriages, the seating arrangements and ceremony procedures can seem confusing. Remember that there are no hard and fast rules -- it is better to make sure everyone you want to include is included, instead of limiting yourself due to some tradition.

Also remember that most people will be willing to set aside their differences for one day, to let you celebrate your wedding without a fight. Be up front and honest with everyone involved from the start, so they know what to expect.

With these guidelines to use as a vague outline, you can design your ceremony to accommodate your needs. The ceremony should be as enjoyable as possible, and not having to worry about sticking to some hard and fast rules will make planning it virtually worry-free.

Creative Ceremony Ideas

The Processional
· Rather than have your back to the guests, change places with the officiant and face your guests.
· At a small, intimate ceremony have the guests join you at the altar or have them join hands encircling you.
· Consider including both sets of parents in the processional.
· Have the groom meet you halfway down the aisle.
· The bride can part from her father by kissing him on the cheek when they reach his seat, then walk alone to meet the groom.

The Ceremony Itself
· Have the officiant ask, “Who blesses this union?” or “Who blesses this marriage?” Have both sets of parents or all the guests join in saying, “We do.”
· Involve children from previous marriages by acknowledging them in the ceremony through special readings, prayers, or the presentation of the “Family Medallion”
· Have a favorite piece of music played or sung during the ceremony, or as you leave, but check with your church or synagogue as to any music restrictions they might have.
· Write your own poem or prayer and read it, or have quotations from a favorite poem or prayer read by the officiant or a family member.

Including Pets in Your Wedding Ceremony

Years from now, when you look back on your wedding day, one of the things that you may remember is that you were surrounded by those who mean the most to you. If you’re an animal lover, and you consider your pet an important part of your family, then you may want to include them in your special day too.

No matter what type of pet you have – a dog, cat, or even a bird – there are meaningful ways to incorporate them in your wedding. Start by checking with your ceremony location on their rules regarding animals. If you’re getting married in a church, pets may not be allowed. The same may even be true of a garden wedding. So, be sure to find out the details before you get your heart set on anything. Also, you’ll need to designate someone to take care of your pet after the ceremony – like bringing them home or to the kennel.

Here are some ideas for ways that Spot, Fluffy and Polly can get involved:

-Here comes the dog: If your ceremony location will allow it, have your dog be led down the aisle on a pretty leash. You can have a bridesmaid, junior bridesmaid or older flower girl do this. Dress your pooch up with a bow around his neck that matches your wedding colors. You can also craft your own festive leash with stain ribbon. Or, for a more formal occasion, you can purchase a doggie-tux or even a doggie wedding dress at pet stores like Petsmart!

-A rose by any other name: If you haven’t already selected a flower girl then why not have your dog do the honor? Again he could be led, or he could walk down the aisle on his own, carrying flowers in a basket. It’s a fun way to have him play a special role!

-With this ring: Have you considered making Spot the ring bearer? It’s easy – just tie a velvet or silk pillow around his neck with the ring placed securely on top. Again, you can have someone escort him down the aisle, or if he is very well-behaved and comes when called, he can walk down alone.

-Here kitty, kitty: If you want to include your cat in your ceremony have a bridesmaid or flower girl walk down the aisle with Fluffy in a decorative basket. Or, if you’re concerned that the cat might be spooked and jump out, then decorate his cat carrier with festive ribbons and flowers. He could be placed at the altar so that he is with you through the entire event.

-Polly want a cracker: Looking for ways to have your parakeet or cockatoo witness your vows? Set up his cage at the altar and have him displayed behind you. This is a great way to add meaning and beauty to your event.

-Set them free: If you don’t have any pets, or would prefer not to include your own, you can always consider having your guests release butterflies into the air as you seal your vows with a kiss. But keep in mind that butterflies can’t stand low temperatures so only consider this option if you are having a spring or summer wedding. For colder temperatures, releasing doves are another option to consider.

If none of these options appeal to you, then consider placing a framed picture of your furry or feathered friend at a special location – like near the entrance or by the guest book. That way they’ll still be there in spirit!

How-to: Create Your Own Wedding Vows

There are so many different ways to declare your wedding vows these days. There is, of course, the traditional vows, which many couples choose. But, for some couples, writing their own vows has become very important. While traditional vows go along the lines of the commitment you are making to each other, it doesn’t always reflect what each is feeling in their hearts.

There are many different categories of vows---non-traditional, 2nd marriages, “family vows” to include children coming into the marriage, vows for older couples, reaffirmation or renewal vows, religious variations, ring vows and vows from the classics such as Keats, Browning, Gibran and other classical poets or playwrights. The art to making your commitment your own is in having a particular passage “speak” to you in some way that helps you tell your intended what you are feeling and why this particular passage makes your intentions clear and heartfelt. Many couples choose to combine the traditional wedding vows and their own vows. Anything you do should be acceptable, however, it is always a good idea to check with whomever is officiating your wedding to make sure that they have no problems with the vows you have chosen. And don’t wait until the rehearsal to do this. Should your officiator have a problem with something, you don’t want to be up all night before your wedding thinking of something else.

There are many internet sites to get great ideas and samples of what to write or include for your own vows including a wonderful section right here.

If you do choose to write your own, always go over your vows with your fiance prior to the wedding. Some brides (or grooms) want to surprise their intended’s with their vows. The reason that surprise may not be a good thing is that you need to keep them in sync with each other. You writing something classic and inspiring from a Shakespearean sonnet and him writing the lyrics from the latest Rolling Stone song are going to sound a little odd. While that song may have “spoke” to him, tell him to get something else to speak to him. If he is “vow blocked”, maybe you could sit down together and go over some favorite poems, songs or other writings together and come up with something you both can live with. Tell him to simply write down what is in his heart. He might surprise himself.

A beautiful keepsake of your wedding would be to have your wedding vows printed on beautiful paper with a beautiful font and framed or, if you know someone handy at ceramics or know someone locally, have them hand painted on a ceramic keepsake “scroll” to put next to a favorite wedding photo in your home. This keepsake will always be a wonderful reminder of the vows you spoke to each other.

Wedding vows, in any form, are the words you speak, before friends and family, of the commitment you are about to make to each other. Whether you choose to stay with tradition, choose your own, or combine the two, your words will echo through your marriage for years to come. Make them beautiful.

Special Ceremony Touches

Sharing Of The Cup

A cup of wine (or other beverage) is symbolic of the cup of life. During the sharing of the cup, both the bride and the groom drink from the same cup, symbolizing their commitment to share all that the future may bring. All the sweetness life’s cup may hold for you should only be sweeter because you drink it together; whatever bitterness it may contain should be less bitter because you share it together

Candlelight Ceremonies

The romantic glow of candlelight can be absolutely breathtaking in evening or late afternoon ceremonies. If this idea appeals to you, you will need to check with proper church authorities to see if this type of ceremony is allowed and what fire regulations will apply, possibly affecting the location and number of candle you may use, have two candle stands decorated with ribbons and flowers on either side of the alter. You may want to complement that with a similar single candle stand at the end of several rows. You can have the candles lit by a pair of users before the ceremony, or have each attendant carry a candle down the aisle to make a dramatic entrance.

If you want additional symbolism in your ceremony, consider having a lit candle on both the bride’s and groom’s side, with a single unlit candle in the center. Once pronounced husband and wife, you each take your respective candles and, with their flames, blending together, light the Unity Candle, joining your lives as one. Whichever type of candlelight you choose to enhance your ceremony, double-check to make sure all candles are securely places in their holders before the ceremony begins.

Other Special Touches

· Incorporate symbolism in some way by carrying a family Bible, handkerchief, or fan that was married by your or the groom’s mother.

· In a church wedding, you can find out about having the church bells rung after you say your vows.

· There are creative alternatives to throwing rice, since rice is harmful to birds, consider throwing birdseeds instead. Dried flower petals and colorful confetti or streamers (in bio-degradable material) are affordable alternatives. Or add some fun by having the guests blow bubbles as the newlyweds leave the church. Sparklers (when carefully used and discarded) can be spectacular for an evening wedding.

· After being pronounced man and wife, add a romantic touch with the centuries-old European tradition of releasing white doves, the symbol of love, unity, and devotion. With a church ceremony, stage the dove release outside. Re-exit the church, and have the doves released as your guests look on. A flock of white doves makes a great alternative to throwing rice, and a spectacular send off. For information on white dove releases, check the wedding section of your phone book’s yellow pages, or call local florists and pet stores. This special touch may not be available in your area.

· Today’s ecology-minded brides, who are looking for new ways to do something special for their weddings and the environment, might consider the newest concept in weddings, and release a dozen of Monarch butterflies. These butterflies are specifically raised for this purpose, then carefully shipped overnight and released into the environment at the proper tine during the ceremony. This not only helps increase out diminishing butterfly population but also adds a dazzling touch to a garden wedding

How To Make a Scroll Wedding Program

If you want your wedding program to consist of the bare necessities, an aged scroll program is a great idea. It can only be one page and is a unique way to let your guests know your names, your parents’ names, the wedding party and those who played a roll in the ceremony.


For this project, you will need:


- good quality paper (a light colour, ecru or cream, works best);

- printer;

- large bowl of water;

- tea bags;

- wooden round sticks;

- glue;

- ribbon.


First you will have to decide on the wording of the program. Since a scroll can only be one page, space is a premium. In a Word document, center the text. Start with your name and if you want, add the wedding date. Next line should be the parents of the bride followed by the parents of the groom. Next list the wedding party. Now include anyone who played a part in the ceremony, i.e. officiant, readers, candle lighters, etc. You can also include a small dedication or paragraph remembering deceased loved ones.

Whether or not this all fits depends on the size of the paper. I think regular size, 8 ½” by 11”, is a little too big for a scroll, a narrower width looks better. I prefer about 5 ½” and the length depends on how much information can fit on one piece of paper. You don’t have to find paper this size, you can use a cutter and create the size you want.

Now print a sample copy of the program. Make sure the font isn’t too small and check for spelling errors. Have your fiancé or another person proofread it. Do the necessary cutting to give your program the desired width and length. Make a couple of copies for experimentation purposes.

Now comes time to “age” the paper. Fill a bowl with water and add a couple of tea bags. Squeeze the bags to make the colour turn. Here you have two options, either place the paper in the water or crumple it up in a ball and put it in the water. The tea will stain the paper, giving it an aged, antique look. Crumpling it up will darken the creases. After taking the paper out of the water, take a wet tea bag and rub it into the paper. This will leave grains on the paper. Take your time and experiment with your options, leave the paper in the water longer, more crumpling, anything you can think of to add.

Once you have decided on the final look of your program, it is time to add the sticks. These can be found in craft or hardware stores. The length depends on the width of your paper. Using regular glue, apply a thin line across the top of the paper and center a stick across. Wrap the top of the paper over, the whole time ensuring that the paper is even over the stick (otherwise it will roll crooked). Repeat this procedure for the bottom. Once the glue is dry, roll the top and bottom until they meet in the middle. Tie with an accent ribbon.

Place the finished scrolls in a decorated basket to hand out at the ceremony.

Alternatives to Throwing Rice

I’m sure you’ve all been to a wedding where you’ve been required to hurl rice at the bride and groom as they exit the ceremony or reception location. Sure it’s fun, but then it gets to be your turn, and you realize that you don’t want 100 some guests throwing smelly birdseed at you, making you a target for every bird in town and ruining your $1,000 designer gown. Here are some alternatives for the guests to have fun once you and your groom exit the location without making you a human birdfeeder.

• Bubbles
  
  Everyone from the young and old enjoys bubbles. Although this might be a bit messy, using bubbles to celebrate the exit of the bride and groom has become very popular. Using bubbles is a way for the guests to have fun and wind down before the reception.
  
  
• Rose Petals
  
  Your florist can always provide you with extra rose petals at a minimal cost to give to guests to throw at you. Although this could get messy if you step on a petal, it is a cute idea and won’t hurt as much as birdseed.
  
  
• Kazoos
  
  No your guests won’t be throwing the kazoos at you and your groom. Round up a trusty relative, have him teach your guests a familiar tune, and as you and your groom exit, have them play this rousing tune on the kazoos. Another different idea for your exit. Having kazoos also gives the guests an extra favor from your wedding. You can also use these at the reception. Instead of clinking the glass for those lovely reception kisses, having the guests blow in their kazoos when they want to see you and your groom lock lips.
  
  
• Butterflies
  
  Another popular idea that has arisen in the past few years is releasing butterflies into the air as you and the groom exit. There are ads in wedding magazines for different companies that will ship butterflies for your guests to release.
  
  
• Doves
  
  Another popular idea recently used at weddings. Doves are a symbol of peace, so releasing doves after your wedding ceremony is a good way to start a peaceful marriage and also a beautiful site.
  

Whatever idea you come up with I’m sure your guests will enjoy. But try and get creative before you send out your groom to be to buy a 100 lb bag of birdseed and try a different idea as you exit your wedding or reception.

Ceremonial Agenda Planning Checklist

What to do and in what order to do it in is a common question that couples have--an agenda is needed. An "Agenda" can be defined as the written or spoken rules for social control. Ever wonder where we got our etiquette training when it came to social events and planning the order of things? Following the example of our family members, cultural upbringing, other families, and traditions, we find ourselves repeating what was see or taught.

Ceremonial procedure has been around since day one. Formality of the greeting to the bid of farewell draws us to wonder if our knowledge evolved from some ancient tribal ceremony? Only you can best answer this question.

New rituals and customs seen to pop up every year as well as long lost practices or newly invented ones. The church dictates some. Remind yourself of things that other event coordinators included in events that you attended.

Ceremonial agendas may include scripture readings, prose pieces and poetry, and special candle lighting. You must decide on audience participation, involvement of your wedding party, children and family members. Set the tone of your event at the beginning. For inspirational, consider having the bells ring three times before the greeting is provided. Lighting a special candle for a deceased loved one will provide a special presence. If appropriate, have the grandparents involved in a special way. Have couples married 25 years or more be recognized or go to the altar to circle the bride and groom during a special poetry reading.


For practical matters, consider the following order of service, and add your own creativity.


1. Bells chime three times

2. Greetings and welcome by the pastor

3. Blessings by the bride's parents

4. Special candle lighting(s)

5. Scripture reading and prayer

6. Music

7. Homily or the pastor's message

8. Exchange of Vows and Rings

9. Unity candle

10.Special music selection

11.Signing of marriage certificate and license

12.Benediction

13.Presentation of the couple

14.Bells chime three times or trumpet plays


After the ceremony, keep the flow continuous with ceremonial rituals and customs. Provide your guests with special favors or remembrances cards. Have a balloon release set up as guests file out of the church or ceremony location.

Display items can be used not only for the reception, but also the wedding ceremony. Guests can be required to sign the guest book, view pre-engagement photo displays, and a shadowbox display filled with wedding memorabilia. These items can easily be transferred to the reception.

Consider organizing an agenda for the reception as well. The usual agenda involves the cake cutting and bouquet and garter toss. Build on these traditions and incorporate more reception activities.


Consider the following list:


1. Introduction of the wedding party, parents and newlyweds

2. First dance and wedding party dance

3. The Polish custom of the “dollar dance”

4. Receiving line

5. Chiming of the glasses as an announcement for a toast

6. Roasting the bride and groom

7. Children’s dance, then teens

8. The “singles dance”

9. Cake Cutting

10. Recognition of those married 50 or more years, then 25, 20, 15, 10, 5 and 2 hours

11. The community dance—bride and groom adds on all guests to the line

12. Bouquet and garter toss


Whatever tribal customs you claim, remember that having an agenda will enhance your celebration and preserve your memories for a lifetime.

How to Pick Non Religious Readings

Whether you're planning a civil ceremony, a religious ceremony, a casual ceremony, or a formal ceremony, you may have the opportunity to include a non religious reading. A reading can add personality and originality to your wedding day, whether it is romantic, serious, humorous, traditional, or obscure. Here are some tips for choosing a reading that adds just the right touch to your ceremony.

Before You Begin

Before choosing the reading that you want to have for your ceremony, talk with your wedding officiant to make sure a non religious reading is allowed in the ceremony. Some officiants may prefer not to deviate from a specific ceremony order. Others may have suggestions of readings that were particularly nice in previous weddings. Once the officiant agrees, you can begin your search.

Starting Places

Make a list of all the possible readings you would like to have. Decide which genre you would prefer, and start reading, keeping in mind your relationship with your future spouse. The reading you choose doesn't have to be specifically about love; it can be about family, home, the place where you met, or anything else significant to your relationship.

Prose: Are there any books that have a particular meaning to your relationship? Does either of you have a favorite author who may have written something appropriate? Were there any books that were important to either of you when you were children? Skim through these looking for paragraphs that would be appropriate for a wedding. With prose, the main thing to consider is whether or not the excerpt will stand on its own. If guests will need to know a lot of background detail in order to make sense of the reading, then the excerpt may not be the best choice. Also try to keep the excerpt short. Any time you're tempted to add "just another paragraph," picture someone standing up at your wedding and reading a chapter of War and Peace.

Poetry: If you like a particular poet, or if you already own some poetry chapbooks, start there. If not, either search your local library for an anthology, or look online for some poetry websites. When choosing a poem, think about how easy it will be to understand by the first-time listener. Some poems are beautiful, but have dense imagery that's hard to understand right away. If you think it would take a literature class an hour to interpret the poem, it may be one to avoid.

Other: You can also consider readings from popular culture, such as song lyrics, or quotes from movies or television. When choosing song lyrics, make that they translate well to the spoken word. You may also want to avoid repeating the refrain between the verses. When you consider a quote from a movie or from television, use the same principles as with prose excerpts: make sure the quote will stand on its own.


Making Decisions

With your future spouse, start narrowing down your choices.

- Try reading the selections aloud to see how they will sound, and to see how easy they will be for the reader to read. The last thing you want is for your reader to feel like he or she is saying "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers" five times quickly in front of an audience.

- Test your favorites by reading them to a friend or family member. That person can let you know if the choices make sense and are easy to understand.

- Before finalizing your decision, talk to your officiant again. He or she will let you know whether or not the reading you have chosen is appropriate.


Some Examples

- Shakespeare's "Sonnet CXVI" ("Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments...")

- Elizabeth Barrett Brownings's Sonnet XLIII from "Sonnets from the Portuguese" ("How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...")

- Emily Dickenson's epigram for Part Three of her Complete Poems ("It's All I Have to Bring To-day...")

- Charlotte Brontë's Jane Eyre

- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's The Little Prince

- William Goldman's "The Princess Bride"

Receiving Line Q&A

A receiving line is a wonderful way to make sure that you and your groom are able to greet each of your guests, particularly if you have a large number of attendees. Many brides have never been part of a receiving line prior to their wedding day, so here is a list of questions and answers, with tips on receiving line etiquette!

When and where is the receiving line held? Either immediately following the ceremony, or at the start of the reception. Form the line outside the doors at the ceremony site, or near the entrance to the reception (in the lobby, by the ballroom doors, or at the entrance to the cocktail area).

Who stands in the receiving line? The traditional order for the receiving line is as follows: Bride's parents, the bride and groom, and the groom's parents. Honor attendants, if you wish to include them, stand next to the groom's parents.

What do I say? Use this opportunity to introduce your parents or your new husband to any guests they may not know. Be sure to clarify each guest's identity ('Marie and I are coworkers', or 'Dan graduated from high school with me'), and thank each guest for coming. You'll want to graciously accept each guest's congratulations, but keep the conversations short so as not to hold up the line.

My parents are divorced how do I handle the receiving line? Unless they have a very good relationship, it is generally best not to place divorced parents next to each other. This is not only to prevent any awkwardness between the parents (although that is certainly important), but also to prevent any confusion for your guests. By separating the divorced parents, guests will know that they are not still married to each other. Consider placing each parent on either side of you and your groom.

We're having a receiving line do we still have to go from table to table at the reception? Your receiving line is a terrific way to be sure that you've greeted most of your guests before the reception even begins; but it is still a good idea to try to make your way to each table. Work your way around the room even splitting up to cover more area and spend a little more time talking with your guests. They've gone out of their way to be part of your special day, and part of being good hosts is going out of your way to visit with your guests.

When Your Ceremony May Seem Foreign

The ring is still shiny and new, and the excitement from getting engaged is still in your every thought. To start planning your wedding is the next big step, and deciding where to hold the ceremony can often become a problem for couples; especially if you are of different faiths or religions and your guests may not be familiar with certain cultures, customs and traditions.

For myself and my fiancé, the decision of where to hold our wedding ceremony was not difficult. I was adamant about being married in my church, and my fiancé agreed. My church is not just a place of worship for me but also a symbol and representation of my ethnicity, background, and culture. My fiancé comes from a similar ethnic background, but is of a different Christian faith. We knew that more than 70% of guests at our wedding would be Catholic and related to my fiancé, while the remaining would be a diverse group comprised mostly of people of the Orthodox faith (who would be my family), with a few Protestants, Methodists, and other faiths or no faiths mixed in. I was now faced with the problem of informing my guests that the Orthodox ceremony is quite different than what they are used and is not as “foreign” as they may think.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, take charge and get the word out about your ceremony! Obviously, the best way to tell your family and friends about your ceremony is word of mouth. As the wedding gets closer, bring it up in the many wedding conversations you’ll have throughout your engagement. You’ll find that most people are interested and intrigued. Describe it in detail and show pictures from other relatives’ and friends weddings that have occurred. A picture is sometimes worth a thousand words.

Another great way to let your guests know about your ceremony is to put up a wedding Web site. Add graphics and pictures to your site to personalize it and even dedicate a page to you and your fiancé and tell the romantic tale of how you fell in love. It is an excellent way to give your guests a preview of the ceremony, bridal party, and reception location.

If you do not have the time, energy or inclination to build a Web site, consider making detailed programs for the ceremony. This way guests can read through the program and learn what the ceremony will consist of. They can then use the program to follow the ceremony along. First, you may want to research and write up your own interpretation/version of the ceremony and give it to your priest or minister for verification.

You can get as plain or fancy as you want with the programs. You can get them professionally made along with your invitations at a local printer or stationary store. Call around for prices and compare rates. If money is an issue, it is extremely easy to make programs on your home computer. You can use colored 8 ½ x 11 papers, and simply fold the pages in half to have an easy to read program. Tie ribbon in the crease of the folded paper to add a little decoration. You can put pictures and graphics in your program to personalize it. Many elegant type fonts are widely available also. It is wise to play around with the fonts, graphics/pictures, and type set to get an idea of what works best for you. Create and print out a few versions of the program to get a sense of exactly what it is you want.

The programs can be placed in a decorated wicker basket to be handed out to your guests as they walk in. Nothing is cuter than a young, sweet smiling face helping out a bride in need.

Walking Down the Aisle Alternatives

With the family structure for many people being anything but "traditional", many brides are bucking the common practice of the father escorting his daughter down the aisle. If you are a bride who chooses not to have your father alone walk you down the aisle, there are many alternatives that you can use without losing any of the sentiment and meaning of that walk towards your future husband.


TWO PARENTS COULD BE BETTER THAN ONE

First of all, using the father as an escort is not traditional for everyone. In the Jewish tradition and sometimes in the Hispanic tradition, both parents walk the bride (and groom) down the aisle. One parent is on either side of the bride. This has become a very popular alternative. After all, doesn't your mother deserve the honor of "giving the bride away" just as much as your father?


ALL IN THE FAMILY

There are no hard and fast rules regarding who will walk you down the aisle, but perhaps the most important consideration, is that you choose the person or persons who mean the most to you, and have been among the most important people in your life.

A bride does not necessarily have to have a parent walk her down the aisle. Many brides are choosing different family members, or a mix of different family members. Some brides whose grandparents raised them will have them walk her down the aisle. You could even use more than one. Perhaps her father and grandmother primarily raised a bride. Therefore, she could have both of them walk her down the aisle.

Some brides may have had the presence of both a father and stepfather in her lives. Trying to choose between the two could be a headache, and hurt some feelings. Again, you could have both of them walk you down the aisle.

If there is no one playing the role of father in your life… you can have your mother alone walk you down the aisle, your sister, brother, or an aunt.

For many second-time brides, having a son or daughter walk them down the aisle holds a great deal of meaning.


THE HAND-OFF

Want to have two parents walk you down the aisle, but not necessarily at the same time? Maybe they don't get along due to an ugly divorce. You can begin your walk down the aisle perhaps with your father, to a halfway point. Then your mother may take you to the end of the aisle. This can be done with any of your family members and is especially a good option if you want more than one person walking you down the aisle but it is too narrow.

WALKING THE WALK ALONE

Do you have to have someone walk you down the aisle? Of course not. Many brides are opting to walk down the aisle by themselves. Sometimes the parent or parents of a bride will walk them past the top of the aisle and then have the bride walk independently to the altar.

Another popular option is having the bride walk halfway down the aisle where her groom is waiting for her, and he accompanies her down the rest of the aisle. Perhaps this symbolizes that the bride has been alone part of her life, and is joined by her husband the rest of it.

Once again, there are no absolute rules when it comes to the walk down the aisle. Do it in a way that represents who has been important in your own walk of life, and who you will be honored to have guide you to the person who will be with you the rest of that walk.

Substitution For Unity Candle Lighting

A beautiful way to make your wedding ceremony unique is to include “The Blessing of the Hands.” My husband and I used the Blessing in place of the Unity Candle lighting at our Catholic ceremony because we wanted something different and more meaningful to us. Also, our mothers were too nervous to participate in a Unity Candle lighting—preferring instead to watch the entire ceremony from their pews. That turned out to be a very good idea, because they were both very emotional on "the big day" as it was.

We first learned of this blessing during our Catholic Engaged Encounter weekend. At the conclusion of the weekend retreat, the priest who guided us through Engaged Encounter did this blessing on the hands of all couples. There was not a dry eye in the sanctuary and we, along with most other couples there, found it to be the most moving and defining part of our Engaged Encounter weekend. It truly was the moment I knew with one hundred percent confidence that indeed, the hands I was holding during the Blessing were the hands I wanted to hold for the rest of my life.

We were so moved by the blessing that we wanted to incorporate it into our wedding. While the Blessing of the Hands is not a “typical” part of a Catholic wedding ceremony, our priest (who had never seen the Blessing until we gave him a copy) also loved it. He was very willing, at our request, to substitute it in place of the Unity Candle portion of the ceremony. At the reception many guests told us what a powerful and moving part of the ceremony the Blessing of the Hands was. We also included the words to the Blessing in our ceremony’s program.

Blessing of the Hands
Courtesy of Engaged Encounter of Rochester, NY

_______, please turn and face____, and hold his hands palms up, where you can see the gift that they are to you.

These are the hands, young and strong and vibrant with love, that hold yours on your wedding day, as he promises to love you all the days of his life.

These are the hands you will place with expectant joy against your stomach, until he too, feels his child stir within your womb.

These are the hands that look so large and clumsy, yet will be so gentle as he holds your baby for the first time.

These are the hands that will work long hours to earn money for you and your family.

These are the hands that will be nicked and bruised from fixing things around the house to make you more comfortable.

These are the hands that will caress your body through the years, to make the passion of love come alive in you.

These are the hands that will countless times wipe tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow and tears of joy.

These are the hands that will comfort you in illness, and hold you when fear or grief rack your mind.

These are the hands that will tenderly lift your chin and brush your check as they raise your face to look into his eyes; eyes that are filled completely with his overwhelming love and desire for you.

____, please face _______, hold her palms up, so you may see the gift they are to you.

These are the hands hold yours on your wedding day as she gives you her pledge to love you, and accepts your ring.

These are the hands that are smooth and young and carefree now, but will be lined and rougher, working to make you comfortable.

These are the hands that will hold each child in tender love, soothing them through illness, disciplining them when naughty, and wringing themselves in worry when trouble comes.

These are the hands that will hold your face and wipe tears from your eyes – in wonder and awe that you would cry for her.

These are the hands that will hold you in joy, excitement and hope each time she tells you that you are to have another child; that together you have created a new life.

Perhaps these are the hands that will comfort you when you are told you cannot have a child, and will convince you that together you will create a new life in other ways.

These are the hands that through the years will caress your body in the passion of love, to enhance your intimacy.

These are the hands that will enter the Sacrament of Matrimony. These four hands will be your armor and shield against the evils and temptations of the world.

These are the hands that will reach out, first to each other, then united, will spread your love and your sacrament to all they touch.

These are the hands that will ease your parents’ loneliness as you leave the nest, will first teach your own children the marvels of married life, and will be a sign to friends and strangers alike as to just how wonderful married life can be.

Through these four hands, God will renew His Church. These hands are the hope of a troubled humanity. These are the hands that will change the world.

Questions to Ask Your Officiant

The ceremony is the most important part of your wedding day. After all, that's why you're stressing about centerpieces and head counts in the first place. With just a little preparation, you can be sure your officiant shares your wedding vision.

• Is s/he available on the day you've chosen, at the time you'd prefer?
  
  This is, of course, crucial.
  
  
• Can the officiant travel to the site?
  
  This is especially important if you're planning an outdoor wedding, or one in a special location like a private home or on the beach.
  
  
• How long has s/he been performing wedding ceremonies?
  
  You might also ask if there are other recently-married couples you can contact for advice, etc.
  
  
• What are the fees? What is included?
  
  Some items might include the officiant's services, use of the site, set-up and clean-up, candelabra and other decorations, program printing, musicians and/or pre-marital counseling. These may be included in one fee, or may be separate.
  
  
• What type of pre-marital counseling is required, if any?
  
  Requirements vary greatly, and can be anything from a meeting with the officiant, to a series of counseling sessions, to a weekend retreat with other engaged couples.
  
  
• Does s/he have a standard ceremony? What variations can be made?
  
  Ask if a sample ceremony is available for you to use as a guide. If you have any special verses, readings or music you would like to include in the ceremony, be sure they are acceptable to the officiant. Some churches, for example, prohibit secular music.
  
  
• How long does the ceremony usually last?
  
  This is useful when making decisions about the reception, photographer, limousine and receiving lines.
  
  
• What has worked for couples in the past?
  
  If your officiant is experienced, s/he will be able to make helpful suggestions about readings, vows, music selections and even the logistics of the wedding day.
  
  
• Will s/he be available to answer questions or give advice?
  
  Make sure you have telephone numbers, office hours and other contact information.
  
  
• Can you tour the ceremony site?
  
  You wouldn't buy a house without walking through it, so make sure you get to see the actual place the ceremony will occur. Make mental notes on the size, accessibility, and generally get a feel for the space.
  
  
• How early can you be at the site, and what's the latest you can leave?
  
  You may wish to decorate the site before the ceremony, or stay afterwards for pictures. Be sure you will have enough time for all you wish to do.
  
  
• Is there a place you can get ready before the ceremony?
  
  Even if you don't plan on dressing at the ceremony site, it's helpful to have a private room, maybe with a mirror for touching up your makeup and hair at the last minute.
  
  
• Is there a place parents can take their children during the ceremony?
  
  Kids can be restless and noisy, and having a nursery or special room available can make your ceremony more enjoyable for everyone.
  
  
• Will you be able to have a photographer and/or videographer present during the ceremony?
  
  
• Are there any special restrictions?
  
  Some sites do not allow guests to throw bird seed, others prohibit flash photography. Be sure it's clear what is allowed and what is not.
  
  
• When does the rehearsal take place? Will s/he be present?
  
  
• Does s/he have any suggestions on vendors? When you deal with weddings frequently, you meet good florists and see the bad photographers in action.
  

Spiritual vs. Religious Wedding Ceremony

Out of everything that goes to make up your wedding day, it will be the ceremony that you will remember most. Your ceremony should be an expression of the sacred reality of your love -- whether you are Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Muslim, any other faith, or no particular faith. God has blessed you with the gift of love, and that overrides anything else … whether you are of different faiths, whether you have been married before, or other particular circumstances of your life.

Sometimes the rules of different religions can get in the way of the spirit of those religions. There is today often a conflict between spirituality (many people, especially younger people, "feel" spiritual ... everyone "is" spiritual) and religion (many people are turned off by the structured demands of organized religion). Yet, the spiritual core beliefs of most religions today are very similar and the areas of disagreement are relatively minor. Virtually everyone believes that love is the essence of God, and that God's primary command is for us to become better, more loving, more compassionate, more caring people, and that we become more loving through our relationships with other people. A lot of ceremony can be built around those universal beliefs.

God lives in all people, Christians and non-Christians. Divinity is within us all, and we are within divinity. God loves every human being completely and unequivocally. Christians believe that love is paramount, that if "God is Love". It follows, then, that those "in love" are in God. That spiritual reality overrides a religious rulebook. Don't worry if you feel more spiritual than you do religious. Both are okay; God lives in us all.

When the atmosphere and words of your ceremony reflect the love you and your fiancé feel for each other, it will be a powerful launch into your new life together. To think that marriage is an arrival, a settling in to a life of love, is to miss what marriage is about. Life itself is the continuing and spiritual quest for becoming a more loving person; marriage is the choosing of a soul mate, a unique and trusting partner with whom we can best make that journey to greater love more happy, more successful and more beautiful. Marriage is the magnificent continuing passage into greater love; it is not the destination itself. A wedding ceremony that builds on the values of your past and looks to the future will speak eloquently to you both throughout your life together. Spirituality is what counts! Religion can be a gift for many, but it is not a necessity.

Ceremony Traditions And Personalization

Readings

Your officiant or church wedding coordinator may give you a selection of reading from which to choose, or you may from a wider range. Each of you should carefully read the choices you have and decide which fit the way you see you relationship. Some hit hard on traditional roles, and that may not be what you read at your wedding. Give readings some serious thought and discuss them with one another.


Wedding Vows

Give these a great deal of thought and consideration. Whether you will be permitted to alter standard vows or write you own vows or write you own will vary with you particular situation. They should be a statement for you goals together. Consider whether you want to use "man and wife" or "man and woman ".The first reflect a more subservient role for the woman. Discuss the vows with one another and with your officiant.

Gift of Flowers

Often flowers or a single rose are given to each of the mothers during the ceremony. This can be extended to include grandmothers and even godmothers if you desire. In the Roman Catholic church, some brides follow in front of a statue or picture of Mary.


Unity Candle

If you plan to include a unity candle, consider what you want to symbolize. The individual candles can be lit by the two of you, by your children from previous marriages. Once the center candle is lit. by the two of you, decide if the individual candles will remain lit or be blown out. This depends on what you want it to signify. Blowing them out can indicate that you have become one and leaving them lit can be a sign that even as you commit to becoming one, you still retain your individuality. It is something that could indicate some discussion between the two of you. You may also want to discuss it with your church wedding coordinator or officiant. If you choose to use a unity candle, you may purchase one or decorate you own center candle in a way that is significant to the two of you.


Communion

Whether Communion is a part of your ceremony, and whether it will involved just the couple, be open to all or be limited to members of your religion, will be a matter to be decided upon by the couple or your officiant. Find out in advance so that if Communion is limited, you can put a note in your ceremony program to let people know what to expect. Giving advance notice helps people feel more comfortable and it's a matter of courtesy. If you are having a non denominational Service, you may elect to have a breaking of bread and sharing of bread and wine in place of regular communion service. The use of bread and wine as wedding symbols goes back to ancient times.


Wedding Rings

Your may have a double ring ceremony or a single ring ceremony where only the bride receives a wedding ring. This is a matter for discussion between the two of you. Most of the time there is some sort of blessing for the wedding rings. You may talk to your officiant about whether or not you want to use the symbols of water as a part of this blessing or not. In a Jewish ceremony, the bride 's ring is placed on the index finger of her right hand. The ring is a symbol of wholeness, unity and eternity.


Blessings

Friends can get involved in the ceremony by writing out special blessings and reading them.


The Kiss

The exchange of the kiss between the bride and groom is the symbol of trust and a sign that the agreement has been sealed. For many guest, it is the highlight of the ceremony.

Seating Guests at the Ceremony

SEATING OF FAMILY MEMBERS

• Parents, grandparents, and siblings usually sit in the first row.
  
• If parents are divorced and both will be attending, the mother (and husband) might sit in the first row and the father (and wife) in the second row. If there is animosity, you might separate them by a few rows.
  
  
• Other family members (aunts, uncles, cousins) sit behind immediate family.
  

SEATING OF SPECIAL GUESTS

• In a military wedding, you must consider rang of guests in specifying seating areas.
  
• Guests in wheelchairs or other physical challenges may require special seating.
  
  
• Families of members of the wedding party may need special seating, especially if they are parents of children involved in the wedding.
  
• Special guests such as godparents may have special seating and be involved in the ceremony by receiving flowers.
  
• Prepare a chart for special seating and make sure that the ushers have it prior to the ceremony so that people will be escorted to their proper seats.
  

USHERS

• An usher offers his right arm to a female guest when escorting her to a seat.
  
• If there is an imbalance in invitees (more from one family than another), it is proper to "even out" seating instead of insisting that all bride's guests go on one side and groom's guests on the other. Also many times guests are friends of the couple and could easily fit in on either side of the facility.