You probably apply your own makeup every day, and do quite well with it. But what the eye sees and the camera reports are two different things. Visit the cosmetic department of any fine department store, or a specialty makeup boutique, if one is available in your area. Each offers highly trained technicians who will spend an hour or so with you, applying different eye shadows, liners, foundation, blusher, and lipsticks.
How do you pick the right technician? Wait for the one whose own personal makeup you admire the most. (Of course, if there are any male technicians, observe their presentation and personality.) What should you tell them? First of all, your own preference. Do you generally wear little or no makeup by choice? Do you want something slightly exotic, or just a simple enhancement of your own features? You will also want to tell your technician whether your wedding will be during the day or evening. Do you plan on making regular visits to the local tanning salon before the big day? This figures a great deal in your choice of base foundations. And last, but not least, select a lipstick that stands up well to all the kissing you'll have to face on your wedding day.
Afraid you won't be able to apply this makeup in the same way? Is your maid or matron of honor skillful? Or, perhaps one of the bridesmaids? Then bring that person, as well as a camera, with you. Take close-up pictures — one with your eyes open, and one with eyelids closed, but the eyebrows lifted so that the shadow design will show clearly.
No one in the bridal party and/or in your house confident enough to play makeup artist? Call your hair salon. If there aren't any stylists who excel in makeup application, they certainly can refer someone to you!
There are those who are going to tell you that buying "name" cosmetics is a terrible waste of money. Well, they are right to a certain degree. Some technicians do push those "top notch" items while the everyday brands are just as good. As a matter of fact, I have a lot of great everyday cosmetics. But for my wedding, I wanted to pamper myself in the make-up department. And I did, somehow, feel "prettier" because of it. I maintain that visiting a technician teaches or refreshes you on photo basics. You'll learn not to line your eyes (makes you look tired) and when less eyeshadow is more. It's up to you. But it's your day — why not pamper yourself?
he day will come — if it hasn't already — that you realize all J the initial groundwork has been laid for your wedding day. At first you're truly amazed, and then perhaps a little depressed. You look at the months and months that lie ahead of you and sigh. Seems like there's nothing left to do, doesn't it?
Wrong. You see, this is where most brides make their first unfortunate mistake. We all rush out there and get the basics done. And then we think, "Oh, I won't have to finalize that until a week or so before the wedding," and we file it all away for later. The problem with "later" is that there will be so much to think about. And the brides who save it all for later are generally the ones who fold under last-minute pressures, and end up wishing the whole thing was over.
Don't be one of these unhappy brides. Get organized for the future now. After all, wouldn't it be a pleasant surprise to actually enjoy your own wedding?
During the Lull
Never put off 'til tomorrow what can be done today. It's a well-worn adage but all too applicable.
The very first step is to create a schedule of all your future activities. Use a calendar or pin-up lists — whatever organizes you best — and list everything you have to do: deposit deadlines, meetings, fittings, important decision-making days, whom to call and at what number. Remind yourself along the way what it is you should be thinking about. Don't ignore even the tiniest detail. In those last few nerve-racking weeks before your wedding, it is easy to forget even the most obvious of duties.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Helpful Hints for Hair and Nail Care
Any experimentation with hair color or style changes should be tried at least six months prior to your wedding. If the effect is great, you can repeat it. If a disaster, you have time to repair the damage.
Adding highlights to your own natural color is a subtle but lovely change. The procedure, takes approximately two hours, and typically costs three to four times what a standard "color rinse" would. But it lasts far longer (four to six months as compared to an average of four to six weeks for the regular color application). And if you have long, full hair, you may want to consider sweeping it up and adorning it with flowers and/or pearls. This is a breathtaking alternative to wearing a veil.
Whatever the case, visit your hairdresser six months prior to your wedding date. If your normal stylist does not have experience pinning up hair, and that is what you want, have him or her refer you to another stylist in the shop. Bring pictures of styles that intrigue you, or arrive extra early for your consultation appointment so that you'll have time to browse through any design books the salon may have. With six months' advance notice, you can grow out any layering problems that conflict with your chosen bridal style.
You will want to book your appointment for your wedding day six months in advance. Check with the stylist as to how long this appointment will last, and schedule according to your special day's events. If you're getting married on a Sunday, make sure the stylist knows this, and is available to assist you. Because most salons are closed on Sunday, he or she will most likely have to come to your house. Check with your bridesmaids and ask if they might want to have their hair styled as well. Depending on how many will request service, that one stylist might be able to accommodate everyone. (Any bridesmaids who are interested should come in to the salon for a consul ^a prior to the wedding day.) Each person should get a price quote for the service requested. If the stylist(s) come to your house, please be prepared to pay by cash or check payable to the stylist (s) directly. They are, after all, working on their own time.
Now back to you, the bride. If you are wearing a veil, book a second appointment with that stylist and bring the veil so that he or she can work with it. This appointment should be fairly close to your wedding day so that the design stays fresh in the stylist's mind. Reconfirm all details for your wedding day, and get a list of everything you should be supplying (such as flowers, pearl barrettes, etc.).
Wherever your hair is done — at the salon, your home, or the ceremony site — remember to wear a button-down shirt so that you can change into your wedding gown easily. And of course, if your hair is being done at the salon, bring your veil! It is much better for the stylist to pin it on for you. Someone else may not set the crown of your veil in the right place and unintentionally dismantle all of the stylist's hard work.
Some of us have long, beautiful natural nails. And some have lovely acrylic nails. And then there are those of us who type, do dishes, or garden... and have lengthy lists of excuses as to why our nails look awful.
For those of us with very short nails who need help, a French manicure is a lovely finishing touch. If you are dealing with a full-service salon, book your nail appointment prior to having your hair done on your wedding day. This way, any accidental smudges can be repaired on the spot. But if you're getting married on a Sunday, and the manicurist doesn't make house calls, have your nails done on Saturday. Just give yourself ample "drying" time at the salon.
Adding highlights to your own natural color is a subtle but lovely change. The procedure, takes approximately two hours, and typically costs three to four times what a standard "color rinse" would. But it lasts far longer (four to six months as compared to an average of four to six weeks for the regular color application). And if you have long, full hair, you may want to consider sweeping it up and adorning it with flowers and/or pearls. This is a breathtaking alternative to wearing a veil.
Whatever the case, visit your hairdresser six months prior to your wedding date. If your normal stylist does not have experience pinning up hair, and that is what you want, have him or her refer you to another stylist in the shop. Bring pictures of styles that intrigue you, or arrive extra early for your consultation appointment so that you'll have time to browse through any design books the salon may have. With six months' advance notice, you can grow out any layering problems that conflict with your chosen bridal style.
You will want to book your appointment for your wedding day six months in advance. Check with the stylist as to how long this appointment will last, and schedule according to your special day's events. If you're getting married on a Sunday, make sure the stylist knows this, and is available to assist you. Because most salons are closed on Sunday, he or she will most likely have to come to your house. Check with your bridesmaids and ask if they might want to have their hair styled as well. Depending on how many will request service, that one stylist might be able to accommodate everyone. (Any bridesmaids who are interested should come in to the salon for a consul ^a prior to the wedding day.) Each person should get a price quote for the service requested. If the stylist(s) come to your house, please be prepared to pay by cash or check payable to the stylist (s) directly. They are, after all, working on their own time.
Now back to you, the bride. If you are wearing a veil, book a second appointment with that stylist and bring the veil so that he or she can work with it. This appointment should be fairly close to your wedding day so that the design stays fresh in the stylist's mind. Reconfirm all details for your wedding day, and get a list of everything you should be supplying (such as flowers, pearl barrettes, etc.).
Wherever your hair is done — at the salon, your home, or the ceremony site — remember to wear a button-down shirt so that you can change into your wedding gown easily. And of course, if your hair is being done at the salon, bring your veil! It is much better for the stylist to pin it on for you. Someone else may not set the crown of your veil in the right place and unintentionally dismantle all of the stylist's hard work.
Some of us have long, beautiful natural nails. And some have lovely acrylic nails. And then there are those of us who type, do dishes, or garden... and have lengthy lists of excuses as to why our nails look awful.
For those of us with very short nails who need help, a French manicure is a lovely finishing touch. If you are dealing with a full-service salon, book your nail appointment prior to having your hair done on your wedding day. This way, any accidental smudges can be repaired on the spot. But if you're getting married on a Sunday, and the manicurist doesn't make house calls, have your nails done on Saturday. Just give yourself ample "drying" time at the salon.
Choosing the Gown That's Right for You
Choosing your wedding gown can be one of the most memorable highlights of your life. It can also be one of the most emotionally exhausting ordeals you've ever endured.
Browsing through bridal magazines can almost be a mistake. You see, falling in love with the gown in a full-page ad can spell disaster, for the general rule is: The larger the ad, the larger the price tag. So what can you do?
First, establish your budget. This makes your shopping much easier. Second, ask friends and family for their recommendations of bridal shops. You will want to visit only the best. And this doesn't necessarily mean the ones who charge the most. This means the ones who have been around awhile. Out of my file of wedding stories comes to mind one in which a bride I worked with found out at the last minute that her boutique went out of business. Just like that! No phone call. No refund. And no dress. She had to rent one. If you have the willpower, visit a few shops without trying anything on. This is the time to be critical. Browse through the dresses in your price range and evaluate the service help. Are they helpful or pushy? Down-to-earth or "snooty"? You must like the shop and its employees. After all, you're going to be together a very long time!
Narrow down the field and return to the shop or shops you liked best for an afternoon or evening of "fun-filled" fittings. Just remember to:
Sample gowns are generally made in sizes 8, 10, and 12. So, if you just happen to be out of the "norm," make sure the sales representative assists, by displaying the gown on you to its best advantage. And for that matter, if you are a perfect size 8, 10, or 12, you just might want to check out the sample gowns on sale. (That's where I got mine!) The deals are fabulous! True, the dresses are most often last year's models. But who, besides you, is going to know that? Don't worry about any makeup stains or wrinkles. The boutique will remove these, and usually at no extra charge. You may get a designer wedding gown for a fraction of the cost!
You'll know the gown of your dreams the very moment you try it on. Hopefully, your mother and/or maid or matron of honor is with you and has brought a camera!
When you have made your choice, listen carefully to all policies. Know exactly what you are paying for. Will this particular gown require additional articles of clothing, such as full-hoop petticoats or a special brassiere? Does the style of dress require a very formal veil? (These things will strongly affect your budget!) Are alterations included? If not, what are the fees? If hourly rates are being quoted, don't be afraid to ask for the estimated number of hours involved in completing your gown. What kind of deposit is required? Whenever possible, use your credit card. If the boutique does not come through for you as promised, you may have some recourse through your credit card company.
Now if your budget isn't quite up to "boutique," there are other sources available for bridal gowns, as well. You can rent. (Check your Yellow Pages.) You can read through your local want ads for used or never-worn bridal attire. And, if your mother preserved her gown, you can restore and/or alter hers to fit you. Don't be afraid of saying the style doesn't suit you. Just say it nicely.
You also needn't wear traditional white. In Victorian-style Christmas weddings, often the bride will be in emerald green and the bridesmaids in lush red velvets (or vice versa). I've even seen weddings with the bride in blue, which is true to 18th-century tradition. The choice is yours. And the sky's the limit!
Okay, it's time to be brutally honest with yourself. Are you really planning to lose weight before your wedding? If so, inform your salesperson or seamstress. (They're used to hearing it, believe me.) Then lose that weight before your first fitting, and do your best to maintain your desired weight. The problems are all too obvious when you gain or lose more than a few pounds before your final fitting.
Losing weight on your own? That's fine when you have about ten pounds to lose. Just figure on a pound a week, and safely schedule your first fitting around that if time allows.
Want to lose more? Seek out a professional weight control service. They will set up a program for you that gets you where you want to be in a reasonable amount of time. The money is well worth it.
Never, never starve yourself. It doesn't teach you any good habits, and often destroys your health if you do too much of it. And above all, please don't feel under pressure to be someone you're not! After all, your fiance proposed to you the way you are. The need to trim off a few pounds is normal. But to carve yourself down from a size 12 to a 3 is ridiculous!
Browsing through bridal magazines can almost be a mistake. You see, falling in love with the gown in a full-page ad can spell disaster, for the general rule is: The larger the ad, the larger the price tag. So what can you do?
First, establish your budget. This makes your shopping much easier. Second, ask friends and family for their recommendations of bridal shops. You will want to visit only the best. And this doesn't necessarily mean the ones who charge the most. This means the ones who have been around awhile. Out of my file of wedding stories comes to mind one in which a bride I worked with found out at the last minute that her boutique went out of business. Just like that! No phone call. No refund. And no dress. She had to rent one. If you have the willpower, visit a few shops without trying anything on. This is the time to be critical. Browse through the dresses in your price range and evaluate the service help. Are they helpful or pushy? Down-to-earth or "snooty"? You must like the shop and its employees. After all, you're going to be together a very long time!
Narrow down the field and return to the shop or shops you liked best for an afternoon or evening of "fun-filled" fittings. Just remember to:
- Wear or bring heels much like you will wear at your wedding.
- Wear a strapless bra if you are interested in trying on gowns with mesh or fine lace around the upper chest and shoulders.
- Sweep up your hair in a simple knot with tendrils on the side, if you think you'll want to have your hair up on your wedding day. This will help you envision the total effect.
- Try not to wear too much makeup, especially base foundation. No matter how careful you are, it can easily smear on the dress.
- Avoid wearing dangling earrings or bracelets that can snag on the delicate material of the gowns.
Sample gowns are generally made in sizes 8, 10, and 12. So, if you just happen to be out of the "norm," make sure the sales representative assists, by displaying the gown on you to its best advantage. And for that matter, if you are a perfect size 8, 10, or 12, you just might want to check out the sample gowns on sale. (That's where I got mine!) The deals are fabulous! True, the dresses are most often last year's models. But who, besides you, is going to know that? Don't worry about any makeup stains or wrinkles. The boutique will remove these, and usually at no extra charge. You may get a designer wedding gown for a fraction of the cost!
You'll know the gown of your dreams the very moment you try it on. Hopefully, your mother and/or maid or matron of honor is with you and has brought a camera!
When you have made your choice, listen carefully to all policies. Know exactly what you are paying for. Will this particular gown require additional articles of clothing, such as full-hoop petticoats or a special brassiere? Does the style of dress require a very formal veil? (These things will strongly affect your budget!) Are alterations included? If not, what are the fees? If hourly rates are being quoted, don't be afraid to ask for the estimated number of hours involved in completing your gown. What kind of deposit is required? Whenever possible, use your credit card. If the boutique does not come through for you as promised, you may have some recourse through your credit card company.
Now if your budget isn't quite up to "boutique," there are other sources available for bridal gowns, as well. You can rent. (Check your Yellow Pages.) You can read through your local want ads for used or never-worn bridal attire. And, if your mother preserved her gown, you can restore and/or alter hers to fit you. Don't be afraid of saying the style doesn't suit you. Just say it nicely.
You also needn't wear traditional white. In Victorian-style Christmas weddings, often the bride will be in emerald green and the bridesmaids in lush red velvets (or vice versa). I've even seen weddings with the bride in blue, which is true to 18th-century tradition. The choice is yours. And the sky's the limit!
Okay, it's time to be brutally honest with yourself. Are you really planning to lose weight before your wedding? If so, inform your salesperson or seamstress. (They're used to hearing it, believe me.) Then lose that weight before your first fitting, and do your best to maintain your desired weight. The problems are all too obvious when you gain or lose more than a few pounds before your final fitting.
Losing weight on your own? That's fine when you have about ten pounds to lose. Just figure on a pound a week, and safely schedule your first fitting around that if time allows.
Want to lose more? Seek out a professional weight control service. They will set up a program for you that gets you where you want to be in a reasonable amount of time. The money is well worth it.
Never, never starve yourself. It doesn't teach you any good habits, and often destroys your health if you do too much of it. And above all, please don't feel under pressure to be someone you're not! After all, your fiance proposed to you the way you are. The need to trim off a few pounds is normal. But to carve yourself down from a size 12 to a 3 is ridiculous!
Your Bridal Party: What Does the Maid or Matron of Honor or Groomsmen Do?
By now, you've gathered your best friends and family to i act as your bridesmaids and maid or matron of honor. And you've probably vowed, as all brides do, that the bridesmaids' attire will "definitely be something they can wear again." Well, this is. a nice gesture. But judging by all the bridesmaids' apparel I've seen over the years, that means these young ladies dine regularly at the Captain's table on the Love Boat.
Unless you select tea-length or shorter skirts, it is nearly impossible to come up with a outfit that can be worn "in real life." So what do you do?
The bridesmaids are traditionally responsible for the cost of their dresses and accessories. You provide their bouquets, as well as overnight accommodations, when necessary. With this in mind, consider the following options:
* When browsing through bridal magazines, be realistic about the heights and figures of your bridesmaids. If anyone is on the heavy side, or very short, you will not want to adorn them in dresses that will detract from their lovelier features. Where do sashes cinch? Avoid off-the-shoulder gowns if someone in your party is "well endowed," or ask her confidentially if she is comfortable in a strapless bra.
* Show your bridesmaids a variety of pictures that appeal to you, quoting the range of prices. You will get a good feel for their budgets without specifically coming out with the question.
* One of the most economical options your bridesmaids have is to rent their outfits (if you are fortunate enough to live in an area where such an offering is available) or to purchase used, sample, or never-completed bridesmaids' attire. Most bridal boutiques carry these now, and so do specialty shops. Unless your bridal party is astronomical in number, you can often find some truly fantastic deals.
Things Happen
What if one of your bridesmaids becomes pregnant? If the timing of your wedding means she is going to "show" too much, she may want to beg out of the proceedings. Try to understand. She might not want to "stand out" in your formal pictures. Instead, you might want to consider asking her if she will do a reading at your ceremony. This offer shows how important she is to you, and will most likely be accepted.
What Does a Bridesmaid Do?
Essentially, not much. They precede you down the aisle and stand witness to your marriage. But they can do much more, if you want them to, such as:
* Ask a bridesmaid to help an usher hand out directions from the church site to the reception. Two people keeps the line moving smoothly.
* If your reception is at a hotel and you have hired a babysitter to watch the children in a guest room, ask a bridesmaid to periodically check on how things are going. The best choice would be someone who also knows that babysitter (if you found a sitter from your neighborhood). But if not, especially in the case of a sitter contracted through the hotel, it's an especially good idea for someone to "drop by" once in a while.
* If you have a table or two of mixed single people, ask any of your more outgoing bridesmaids to visit these tables and promote conversation if things don't seem
to be going well. This particular bridesmaid need only know one person at any given table to get things going. She can introduce herself to the others and ask how they are acquainted with either you or the groom.
* Ask your bridesmaids to dote on your elderly relatives. You and your newly christened husband, as well as both sets of parents, will probably be pulled in all directions, so make sure that grandmothers, great aunts, and other relatives don't feel left out.
What Does the Maid or Matron of Honor Do?
Depending on how close she lives to you, your maid or matron of honor can assist you with any aspect of your wedding that you'd like her to. Typically, she would be in charge of organizing your bridal shower. At the party, she would make a list of your gifts and who gave them to you, just in case tags get misplaced during the display. And if she has good penmanship, your maid or matron of honor can help you with invitations and/or place cards.
Having a problem deciding between your sister and best friend for the post as maid of honor? Choose both! Just keep in mind that you may need an extra usher to create an even number at your head table. (This may depend on whether you choose to seat clergy or a single parent at the head table.) Or, the best man can escort both ladies. A single friend or sister is a maid of honor, and a married one is a matron, but always let a divorced woman decide what she wishes to be called.
The Ushers
Ushers have it easy as far as attire goes. They rent it. The groom and best man should coordinate all fittings, and the best man is in charge of making sure that all tuxedos are returned in good shape to the store within the allotted time. The only exception to this would be when the best man is from out of town. In this case, a reliable usher is elevated to the position of "Keeper of the Clothes."
Is it a problem when some of the ushers don't live in the area? No, especially if you check the franchise chains that rent tuxedos. Ask the sales representative to locate the store nearest to each usher who resides out of town. Then, if you like their prices, let them make arrangements with their sister stores for your "long distance" ushers. But if this does not work out, ask for size chart cards that the ushers would take to a local men's clothing store. A sales clerk there would take and list all appropriate measurements. This is a courtesy that any fine establishment will offer to do. The cards are simply mailed back to your local store, and — voilai — little or no problems. Any out-of-town usher should, however, do his best to have a local fitting the week of your wedding, just to be sure all is well.
What Do the Groomsmen Do?
The best man is in charge of the wedding rings. Together with your maid of honor, the best man signs as witness on your marriage license. If desired, your best man can also act as your spokesman during the reception. If the band is too loud, or the bar has run out of beer, it is generally the best man who seeks out the proper person to remedy the problem. But aside from their "ushering" guests into the ceremony, the groom's attendants seem to have little else to do. They can, however:
* Pass out directions from the church site to the reception.
Make sure that everyone who will appear in formal pictures is accounted for after the ceremony, and in cars that start! (Don't laugh. I've hosted more than a few weddings where the wedding party had to wait for people who had car problems.)
Make sure that everyone who is in formal pictures proceeds to the proper picture site. It's a good idea to have these cars travel together.
* At your reception, single ushers could be asked to invite your single female friends to dance. (Who knows what if may lead to!)
* And for receptions that end after dark, ushers might be asked to escort unattended ladies to their cars.
Whatever the case, and whatever they do, gather your most cherished of friends and family and share the special joys of the best day of your life!
Unless you select tea-length or shorter skirts, it is nearly impossible to come up with a outfit that can be worn "in real life." So what do you do?
The bridesmaids are traditionally responsible for the cost of their dresses and accessories. You provide their bouquets, as well as overnight accommodations, when necessary. With this in mind, consider the following options:
* When browsing through bridal magazines, be realistic about the heights and figures of your bridesmaids. If anyone is on the heavy side, or very short, you will not want to adorn them in dresses that will detract from their lovelier features. Where do sashes cinch? Avoid off-the-shoulder gowns if someone in your party is "well endowed," or ask her confidentially if she is comfortable in a strapless bra.
* Show your bridesmaids a variety of pictures that appeal to you, quoting the range of prices. You will get a good feel for their budgets without specifically coming out with the question.
* One of the most economical options your bridesmaids have is to rent their outfits (if you are fortunate enough to live in an area where such an offering is available) or to purchase used, sample, or never-completed bridesmaids' attire. Most bridal boutiques carry these now, and so do specialty shops. Unless your bridal party is astronomical in number, you can often find some truly fantastic deals.
Things Happen
What if one of your bridesmaids becomes pregnant? If the timing of your wedding means she is going to "show" too much, she may want to beg out of the proceedings. Try to understand. She might not want to "stand out" in your formal pictures. Instead, you might want to consider asking her if she will do a reading at your ceremony. This offer shows how important she is to you, and will most likely be accepted.
What Does a Bridesmaid Do?
Essentially, not much. They precede you down the aisle and stand witness to your marriage. But they can do much more, if you want them to, such as:
* Ask a bridesmaid to help an usher hand out directions from the church site to the reception. Two people keeps the line moving smoothly.
* If your reception is at a hotel and you have hired a babysitter to watch the children in a guest room, ask a bridesmaid to periodically check on how things are going. The best choice would be someone who also knows that babysitter (if you found a sitter from your neighborhood). But if not, especially in the case of a sitter contracted through the hotel, it's an especially good idea for someone to "drop by" once in a while.
* If you have a table or two of mixed single people, ask any of your more outgoing bridesmaids to visit these tables and promote conversation if things don't seem
to be going well. This particular bridesmaid need only know one person at any given table to get things going. She can introduce herself to the others and ask how they are acquainted with either you or the groom.
* Ask your bridesmaids to dote on your elderly relatives. You and your newly christened husband, as well as both sets of parents, will probably be pulled in all directions, so make sure that grandmothers, great aunts, and other relatives don't feel left out.
What Does the Maid or Matron of Honor Do?
Depending on how close she lives to you, your maid or matron of honor can assist you with any aspect of your wedding that you'd like her to. Typically, she would be in charge of organizing your bridal shower. At the party, she would make a list of your gifts and who gave them to you, just in case tags get misplaced during the display. And if she has good penmanship, your maid or matron of honor can help you with invitations and/or place cards.
Having a problem deciding between your sister and best friend for the post as maid of honor? Choose both! Just keep in mind that you may need an extra usher to create an even number at your head table. (This may depend on whether you choose to seat clergy or a single parent at the head table.) Or, the best man can escort both ladies. A single friend or sister is a maid of honor, and a married one is a matron, but always let a divorced woman decide what she wishes to be called.
The Ushers
Ushers have it easy as far as attire goes. They rent it. The groom and best man should coordinate all fittings, and the best man is in charge of making sure that all tuxedos are returned in good shape to the store within the allotted time. The only exception to this would be when the best man is from out of town. In this case, a reliable usher is elevated to the position of "Keeper of the Clothes."
Is it a problem when some of the ushers don't live in the area? No, especially if you check the franchise chains that rent tuxedos. Ask the sales representative to locate the store nearest to each usher who resides out of town. Then, if you like their prices, let them make arrangements with their sister stores for your "long distance" ushers. But if this does not work out, ask for size chart cards that the ushers would take to a local men's clothing store. A sales clerk there would take and list all appropriate measurements. This is a courtesy that any fine establishment will offer to do. The cards are simply mailed back to your local store, and — voilai — little or no problems. Any out-of-town usher should, however, do his best to have a local fitting the week of your wedding, just to be sure all is well.
What Do the Groomsmen Do?
The best man is in charge of the wedding rings. Together with your maid of honor, the best man signs as witness on your marriage license. If desired, your best man can also act as your spokesman during the reception. If the band is too loud, or the bar has run out of beer, it is generally the best man who seeks out the proper person to remedy the problem. But aside from their "ushering" guests into the ceremony, the groom's attendants seem to have little else to do. They can, however:
* Pass out directions from the church site to the reception.
Make sure that everyone who will appear in formal pictures is accounted for after the ceremony, and in cars that start! (Don't laugh. I've hosted more than a few weddings where the wedding party had to wait for people who had car problems.)
Make sure that everyone who is in formal pictures proceeds to the proper picture site. It's a good idea to have these cars travel together.
* At your reception, single ushers could be asked to invite your single female friends to dance. (Who knows what if may lead to!)
* And for receptions that end after dark, ushers might be asked to escort unattended ladies to their cars.
Whatever the case, and whatever they do, gather your most cherished of friends and family and share the special joys of the best day of your life!
Invitations: Selecting Your Invitations, Writing, Mailing
The Pleasure of Your Company
Remember that guest list you were working on with "the powers that be"? Well, now it's time to tackle the arduous task of getting out your wedding invitations. Since the announcement of your engagement, you've probably been hard at work perfecting your guest list. More likely, you've been pulling your hair out over the way your guest list is going, especially if your parents have had anything to do with it.
You see, parents have a penchant for wanting to invite all their friends and business associates to your wedding. And when you ask them why, parents always say, "Because they invited us to their daughter's wedding." Now, this isn't always the whole truth. Your parents are proud of you. They want to gloat. They want to brag, "See? We got her this far!" And, if your parents are contributing solely, or even in an equal manner, to your wedding, they have a right to all, a half, or a third of the guest list. Way back in the very first post of this series, I talked about learning how to compromise. Well, grit your teeth and try to smile. This is it.
When more than one person controls the guest list, things get frustrating. It's a plain fact, and you must deal with any problems accordingly. My suggestion is that any person who wishes to invite more than his or her allotted amount should personally pay for those additional guests. Just remember to keep within the capacity limits of your banquet room!
Now what if you have eight wonderful friends at work that you definitely want to invite, but including their spouses puts a strain on your wallet. By all means, invite those friends. Just let them know verbally as soon as possible that you're sorry, but your budget doesn't have room for extra people at this time. You might make an exception if you are very good friends with one or more spouse or "significant other." Certainly include them if you can. The others should understand.
Should you invite your boss? For the same reason your mother and father want to include theirs, you might want to consider doing the same. Inviting the boss is good for business. Now, I don't suggest sending an invitation to some high-powered executive whom you've never seen. But if your direct supervisor is a decent person — did he or she bend over backwards to get you extra time off for your honeymoon? — then definitely invite them. And this is one of those exceptions where you should include a spouse or companion.
The only' other time I would suggest sending an invitation that includes "and guest" is when the person you are inviting is not acquainted with anyone else at your wedding and may feel terribly awkward attending alone.
And what about children? If you are inviting a lot of couples with children, it is best not to include any kids at all (with the exception of your flower girl and ring bearer, of course). Simply address your invitation to "Mr. and Mrs. Robert Jones." Sending an invitation to "Mr. Robert Jones and Family" indicates that you wish to include everyone in the festivities.
If an entire family is planning their vacation around your wedding — and that means the children are coming — the decision is entirely up to you. If you don't care that a few disgruntled parents will be muttering under their breath, fine. But there's an even happier solution to this problem: If your reception is being held at a hotel, provide a babysitter. The safest option is to contact someone you know from your neighborhood. Most hotel facilities offer babysitting service with advance notice, as well. And although this employee may be honest and trustworthy, I would always opt to place children with someone you are comfortable with. Everyone will feel better for it and have a worry-free time at your wedding.
Selecting Your Invitations
The days of black print on white stock are long gone. Today's bride has a wider selection than ever of styles, colors, and ink shades. And anything from Victorian scented scrolls to electric purple laminate goes! The choice is yours, lucky bride.
Happy hunting.
Seriously, however, you should visit as many print shops as you can and view their sample books with your style of wedding in mind. Will it be formal or festive? Black tie or barbecue? This should assist you in deciding what stock and printing style convey your message best. Study each variety of wording for the one that says it all for you. You needn't feel concerned if each and every sample says "Mr. and Mrs. Allen Smith requests the honor of your presence at the wedding of their daughter. ..." The wording of the host line is determined by your own personal situation and needs.
When getting your price quote, add 50 to the total number you think you will need. This provides you with leeway for mistakes and/or extras for any last-minute additions. The golden rule of printing seems to be that the more you print the less per invitation it will cost. You may find that ordering a hundred extra invitations doesn't add any significant amount to the price.
Colored inks add to the cost of your invitations. If the sample that catches your eye is printed in dusty rose, compare what the same one would be with standard black ink.
One cost-cutting option is to contact local technical schools about printing your invitations. Just make sure that they can do all the inserts you need, .and in the time frame you need them. And allot time for proofreading.
Proofreading is a funny thing. We're all very particular about checking the spelling of our names, but we aren't as meticulous about the wedding date and ceremony time. We assume the printer can spell the state we live in, so we don't look very carefully. That's a mistake. Be certain to carefully proofread the information you give to the printer. When you receive the invitations, proofread them again to be sure they are correct.
Never proofread when tired. Share the duty. Block each and every word with the blank side of an index card if you have to in order to concentrate. Even read it backwards — once you say "print," you pay.
In any event, get your invitations printed early. It is far more relaxing to address them at your leisure than to wait until the last minute when every other detail of your wedding seems so pressing.
Who is the Host!
Traditionally, the bride's parents are the host and hostess of the wedding, and the opening line of a wedding invitation reads something like this:
Mr. and Mrs. Martin Beigh request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Jessica Ann
(and so on)
Now, if your mother has remarried:
Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Spencer request the honor of our presence at the marriage of Mrs. Spencer's daughter Miss Jessica Ann Beigh
If your father has remarried, and is the primary host:
Mr. Martin Beigh requests the honor of your presence at the marriage of his daughter Jessica Ann Beigh
If your parents are divorced and have new spouses, but are on friendly enough terms to host your special day together:
Mr. Martin Beigh and Mrs. Jonathan Spencer request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Jessica Ann
(include your last name if desired)
Here's the tricky one. If your divorced parents are hosting your reception together, but only your father has remarried, you will want their approval on how the invitation is worded. To call them Mr. and Mrs. Martin Leigh may cause your guests to assume that the second Mrs. Leigh is acting as hostess. Your mother could, if so desired, utilize her maiden name to distinguish herself from your father's new wife, either allowing her maiden name to stand by itself, or by hyphenating it with "Leigh." You can even drop the "Mr." and "Mrs." part, such as shown here:
Martin Beigh and Victoria Allen-Beigh
Whatever the case, let your mother be comfortable with the wording. If your parents are deceased, and a family member (such as an uncle) is assisting you with your plans, the wording could read something like:
Mr. Andrew Beigh requests the honor of your presence at the marriage of his niece Jessica Ann Beigh
If you and the groom are solely doing the inviting, your names simply head the invitation. You can dispense with the "Miss" and "Mr." if you prefer:
Jessica Ann Beigh and Robert Dean Williams request the honor of your presence on the occasion of their marriage
When the groom's parents act as host:
Mr. and Mrs. Roy Williams request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their son Robert Dean Williams to
Jessica Ann Beigh
And, finally, if all parents are alive, happily married, and want to share the spotlight:
Mr. and Mrs. Martin Beigh and
Mr. and Mrs. Roy Williams request the Honor of your presence at the wedding of their children Jessica Ann and Robert Dean
(add your last names, if desired)
All of these are merely suggestions. You will know what suits your needs the best. Don't fuss over etiquette and tradition just because you think you have to. The best invitation need only speak from your heart!
When to Mail Your Invitations
* For Thanksgiving and Christmas time weddings: Phone important family members and friends as soon as you have selected the date. Then mail all your invitations four months ahead of schedule.
* For weddings occurring over long weekends: Once again let close friends and family know as soon as you do. Then mail all invitations three months in advance.
* If your wedding coincides with a "special event" in town: Give your guests ample opportunity to find hotel rooms if they need them. (See the previous posts on hotel accommodations.) Send your invitations approximately two to three weeks in advance of the last available day to make sleeping room reservations.
* If your nuptials occur during a popular month for weddings, such as September or October: Send out all invitations eight to ten weeks in advance.
* For all others: Six to eight weeks is acceptable.
Remember that guest list you were working on with "the powers that be"? Well, now it's time to tackle the arduous task of getting out your wedding invitations. Since the announcement of your engagement, you've probably been hard at work perfecting your guest list. More likely, you've been pulling your hair out over the way your guest list is going, especially if your parents have had anything to do with it.
You see, parents have a penchant for wanting to invite all their friends and business associates to your wedding. And when you ask them why, parents always say, "Because they invited us to their daughter's wedding." Now, this isn't always the whole truth. Your parents are proud of you. They want to gloat. They want to brag, "See? We got her this far!" And, if your parents are contributing solely, or even in an equal manner, to your wedding, they have a right to all, a half, or a third of the guest list. Way back in the very first post of this series, I talked about learning how to compromise. Well, grit your teeth and try to smile. This is it.
When more than one person controls the guest list, things get frustrating. It's a plain fact, and you must deal with any problems accordingly. My suggestion is that any person who wishes to invite more than his or her allotted amount should personally pay for those additional guests. Just remember to keep within the capacity limits of your banquet room!
Now what if you have eight wonderful friends at work that you definitely want to invite, but including their spouses puts a strain on your wallet. By all means, invite those friends. Just let them know verbally as soon as possible that you're sorry, but your budget doesn't have room for extra people at this time. You might make an exception if you are very good friends with one or more spouse or "significant other." Certainly include them if you can. The others should understand.
Should you invite your boss? For the same reason your mother and father want to include theirs, you might want to consider doing the same. Inviting the boss is good for business. Now, I don't suggest sending an invitation to some high-powered executive whom you've never seen. But if your direct supervisor is a decent person — did he or she bend over backwards to get you extra time off for your honeymoon? — then definitely invite them. And this is one of those exceptions where you should include a spouse or companion.
The only' other time I would suggest sending an invitation that includes "and guest" is when the person you are inviting is not acquainted with anyone else at your wedding and may feel terribly awkward attending alone.
And what about children? If you are inviting a lot of couples with children, it is best not to include any kids at all (with the exception of your flower girl and ring bearer, of course). Simply address your invitation to "Mr. and Mrs. Robert Jones." Sending an invitation to "Mr. Robert Jones and Family" indicates that you wish to include everyone in the festivities.
If an entire family is planning their vacation around your wedding — and that means the children are coming — the decision is entirely up to you. If you don't care that a few disgruntled parents will be muttering under their breath, fine. But there's an even happier solution to this problem: If your reception is being held at a hotel, provide a babysitter. The safest option is to contact someone you know from your neighborhood. Most hotel facilities offer babysitting service with advance notice, as well. And although this employee may be honest and trustworthy, I would always opt to place children with someone you are comfortable with. Everyone will feel better for it and have a worry-free time at your wedding.
Selecting Your Invitations
The days of black print on white stock are long gone. Today's bride has a wider selection than ever of styles, colors, and ink shades. And anything from Victorian scented scrolls to electric purple laminate goes! The choice is yours, lucky bride.
Happy hunting.
Seriously, however, you should visit as many print shops as you can and view their sample books with your style of wedding in mind. Will it be formal or festive? Black tie or barbecue? This should assist you in deciding what stock and printing style convey your message best. Study each variety of wording for the one that says it all for you. You needn't feel concerned if each and every sample says "Mr. and Mrs. Allen Smith requests the honor of your presence at the wedding of their daughter. ..." The wording of the host line is determined by your own personal situation and needs.
When getting your price quote, add 50 to the total number you think you will need. This provides you with leeway for mistakes and/or extras for any last-minute additions. The golden rule of printing seems to be that the more you print the less per invitation it will cost. You may find that ordering a hundred extra invitations doesn't add any significant amount to the price.
Colored inks add to the cost of your invitations. If the sample that catches your eye is printed in dusty rose, compare what the same one would be with standard black ink.
One cost-cutting option is to contact local technical schools about printing your invitations. Just make sure that they can do all the inserts you need, .and in the time frame you need them. And allot time for proofreading.
Proofreading is a funny thing. We're all very particular about checking the spelling of our names, but we aren't as meticulous about the wedding date and ceremony time. We assume the printer can spell the state we live in, so we don't look very carefully. That's a mistake. Be certain to carefully proofread the information you give to the printer. When you receive the invitations, proofread them again to be sure they are correct.
Never proofread when tired. Share the duty. Block each and every word with the blank side of an index card if you have to in order to concentrate. Even read it backwards — once you say "print," you pay.
In any event, get your invitations printed early. It is far more relaxing to address them at your leisure than to wait until the last minute when every other detail of your wedding seems so pressing.
Who is the Host!
Traditionally, the bride's parents are the host and hostess of the wedding, and the opening line of a wedding invitation reads something like this:
Mr. and Mrs. Martin Beigh request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Jessica Ann
(and so on)
Now, if your mother has remarried:
Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Spencer request the honor of our presence at the marriage of Mrs. Spencer's daughter Miss Jessica Ann Beigh
If your father has remarried, and is the primary host:
Mr. Martin Beigh requests the honor of your presence at the marriage of his daughter Jessica Ann Beigh
If your parents are divorced and have new spouses, but are on friendly enough terms to host your special day together:
Mr. Martin Beigh and Mrs. Jonathan Spencer request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Jessica Ann
(include your last name if desired)
Here's the tricky one. If your divorced parents are hosting your reception together, but only your father has remarried, you will want their approval on how the invitation is worded. To call them Mr. and Mrs. Martin Leigh may cause your guests to assume that the second Mrs. Leigh is acting as hostess. Your mother could, if so desired, utilize her maiden name to distinguish herself from your father's new wife, either allowing her maiden name to stand by itself, or by hyphenating it with "Leigh." You can even drop the "Mr." and "Mrs." part, such as shown here:
Martin Beigh and Victoria Allen-Beigh
Whatever the case, let your mother be comfortable with the wording. If your parents are deceased, and a family member (such as an uncle) is assisting you with your plans, the wording could read something like:
Mr. Andrew Beigh requests the honor of your presence at the marriage of his niece Jessica Ann Beigh
If you and the groom are solely doing the inviting, your names simply head the invitation. You can dispense with the "Miss" and "Mr." if you prefer:
Jessica Ann Beigh and Robert Dean Williams request the honor of your presence on the occasion of their marriage
When the groom's parents act as host:
Mr. and Mrs. Roy Williams request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their son Robert Dean Williams to
Jessica Ann Beigh
And, finally, if all parents are alive, happily married, and want to share the spotlight:
Mr. and Mrs. Martin Beigh and
Mr. and Mrs. Roy Williams request the Honor of your presence at the wedding of their children Jessica Ann and Robert Dean
(add your last names, if desired)
All of these are merely suggestions. You will know what suits your needs the best. Don't fuss over etiquette and tradition just because you think you have to. The best invitation need only speak from your heart!
When to Mail Your Invitations
* For Thanksgiving and Christmas time weddings: Phone important family members and friends as soon as you have selected the date. Then mail all your invitations four months ahead of schedule.
* For weddings occurring over long weekends: Once again let close friends and family know as soon as you do. Then mail all invitations three months in advance.
* If your wedding coincides with a "special event" in town: Give your guests ample opportunity to find hotel rooms if they need them. (See the previous posts on hotel accommodations.) Send your invitations approximately two to three weeks in advance of the last available day to make sleeping room reservations.
* If your nuptials occur during a popular month for weddings, such as September or October: Send out all invitations eight to ten weeks in advance.
* For all others: Six to eight weeks is acceptable.
Finding Hotel Accommodations for Out-of-Town Guests
I always seem to be pushing hotel facilities as the best all-around location for a wedding reception. This is simply because they offer the most for your money. And overnight rooms for your guests is another one of those pluses.
But whether or not the facility of your choice is a hotel, you will need to provide your out-of-town guests with some idea of where they can stay. Even your local guests may wish to avoid the risk of driving home after having a few drinks at your reception.
Call for rates early! In the first place, you tend to get a better rate when calling a year or so in advance. And once a rate is quoted, it's golden. Second, if your wedding date happens to fall on a convention weekend, or during fall foliage or any other special event, you will need to know this as soon as possible so that your guests who will need rooms can get them!
If your reception is booked at a hotel, contact your banquet sales representative. In larger operations, you might be referred to a Group Sales Manager. In any case, you will want to get information on rates for the day before, the day of, and the day after your wedding. And, if you are speaking with a representative of the hotel other than the banquet sales-rep, you will want to point out that your wedding is being held there. Be sure you know the following:
1. (Based on your wedding occurring on a weekend) Is this the best weekend rate available? Is there an additional discount if a certain number of rooms are booked by your wedding guests?
2. (Based on your wedding occurring during a weekend) What would the weekday rate be per night for guests arriving earlier in the week, or staying later into the next week?
3. Are these rates per person or per room?
4. What is the rate with tax? Are there any other fees or surcharges?
5. What is the cost for cribs? For rollaway beds?
6. Are handicapped rooms available?
7. Are there any special events coinciding with the weekend (or surrounding the date) of your wedding?
8. Is there a toll-free reservation number that out-of-state guests can call direct to reach the hotel?
9. Up until what time of day can a room be held for guest arrival without a credit card number to secure it?
10. What credit cards are accepted at this hotel?
If the hotel sees no danger of filling up well before your wedding guests have received their invitations:
The best plan of action is to mail the hotel brochure separately from your invitation, with the rate information for all guests, and a list of "tourist activities" included for those coming from out of town. Your hotel information notice can be simply typewritten, copied, and folded into the brochure. Here's an example:
THE BELMONT PLAZA
of Belmont Hills, Massachusetts
is pleased to offer specially discounted rates for our wedding guests!
$49.00 per room per night on the weekend ($55.00 per room per night during the week) plus 9.7% tax
In-state call direct: Out-of-state call toll free:
(617) 555-1776 1-800-555-0001
Remember to tell the reservationist that you are with the Hamilton-Cartwright Reception
A VISA®, MasterCard®, American Express®, or Diners Club Card® number will be necessary to hold your room for arrival after 4 p.m. Call early to ensure availability. See? It's that easy!
But what if there is a special event scheduled for the same weekend as your wedding? If rooms are currently available, you should definitely reserve a "block" of rooms for the ease and comfort of your guests.
How many rooms will you need? The average wedding results in 10% of the guests booking rooms. So, if your anticipated guest count is 200, reserve 20 rooms. However, if you plan on inviting several out-of-town guests, increase that number accordingly!
Avoid using your credit card to hold a block of rooms. Instead, get a cut-off date. This simply means that these 20 or so rooms will be held until a certain date without obligation. On that specified date, any and for reservations made by your wedding guests after the cut-off date would then be subject to availability.
Keep in mind that you will have to give your guests adequate notice! If your cut-off date is five weeks prior to your wedding, you must send your invitations out approximately eight weeks before your wedding day! You can send out a notice like the example shown later, but remember to replace the "Call early to ensure availability" line with something like the following:
PLEASE NOTE: Due to the increased demand for rooms during fall foliage season, you must make your reservations prior to September 1st!
In any case, remember that you will want to book rooms for your bridesmaids, ushers, and other important friends and family members coming from out of town. Count up the number of rooms you know you will need and add half a dozen to that number. Remember to ask for nonsmoking rooms for your friends and family who do not smoke.
Give a credit card number to hold these rooms and get a written copy or computer print-out of your reservation. This should state the latest date you can cancel what you don't need. Securing the six extra rooms helps in two ways: (1) You may have unintentionally forgotten someone special on your list. (2) Because of your credit card hold, these rooms will be available longer than the general block of rooms held for your wedding guests. In this way, you might be able to assist anyone who waited until the last minute to get a room. Just remember to cancel what you don't need by the date specified! If you don't, your credit card will be billed for at least one night's room and tax on any and all unclaimed rooms. And if the hotel can prove that you understood the policies, you will have little or no recourse through your credit card company.
Now, if your reception facility does not have overnight accommodations, call or visit all the hotels, motels, inns, and bed-and-break-fast facilities in your immediate area. Get rate quotes for your wedding day and ask if the facility has a toll-free number. I would recommend taking the time to see a guest room at each facility. This helps you to avoid referring a property to your guests that might not be quite up to your standards.
Depending on the style and mailing specifications of your invitation, you can either include this list as an insert to your invitation, or mail it separately with a "tourist activities" list for out-of-town guests. And, as previously mentioned, if your wedding date coincides with a special event in your area, indicate to your guests that they should make their reservations as early as possible.
Having reviewed all of the overnight accommodations in your area, select the best site for your bridesmaids, family members, or whomever you will be providing rooms for, based on where you believe they might feel most comfortable. Bed-and-breakfasts often appeal to couples, and many of these homes or small inns provide truly romantic atmospheres. They are not, however, always suitable for a group of giggling bridesmaids. Your friends might wish to "party" and have a good time, and may not feel quite at ease doing so in someone else's home. Just use your best judgment. Not all your personal guests need to stay at the same place.
And once again, as tiresome as it may be to hear, remember to get in writing all the deposit and cancellation policies!
Tourist Activities for Out-of-Town Guests
Once your closest friends and family from out of town hear the happy news of your engagement, they may possibly decide to work their vacation plans around the day of your wedding. And even for those just coming for the weekend, what nicer gift can you give them but some great ideas on what to do!
If you, your fiance, or any immediate family member belongs to AAA, or any other fine travel service, you're in great luck. Visit your local office, explain that you're getting married, etc., and ask for information on all there is to do within easy driving distance in the season in which you will wed. Know in advance approximately how many mailings you would need. Some agencies will have stock supplies of brochures, coupons, etc., just for the asking. Even if you don't have any professional contacts in the travel world, there are still some options open to you:
If you have no way of getting, or for that matter mailing, all of the tourist information available to your guests, you can simply type a list and send it out with your hotel notice. Just remember to include a variety of activities and restaurants to appeal to both couples and families. And for courtesy's sake, include church service schedules for as many denominations as you can. (Note: If your reception is being held at a hotel, the front desk usually has, or posts, such a listing. You can either copy this information, or indicate on your packet that the hotel will provide schedules upon request.)
If you have enough time and the desire to do so, you can write your own Personal "Travel Guide" for out-of-town guests! Just visit all the fun places to go to in your area (if you haven't done so recently) and write your opinions down in letter format to copy for your guests. Be sure to include everything — amusement parks, museums, walking tours, aquariums, historic buildings, beaches, gardens, nature trails. . . . Are there any interesting arts and crafts galleries, or any other specialty shops, particularly in "restored" areas? What sporting events are going on? Are there any special celebrations in or around town, such as a blue-grass festival or Oktoberfest? Is there a lovely dairy farm nearby that offers tours of their cheesemaking process? How about bicycle tours, or boat rides? Just keep in mind the time of year in which your wedding will occur. And for basic information, list movie theatres and local restaurants. If you have a favorite romantic or fun restaurant, be sure to let people know, but also include the "family" type eateries so that everyone can dine well according to their budgets.
This personalized travel planner can be as informative and as fun as you want to make it. And don't be afraid to ask each place for coupons you can pass along to your guests (restaurants included). They'd most likely welcome the added business. And your wedding guests will feel honored that you did so much to make their stay special!
But whether or not the facility of your choice is a hotel, you will need to provide your out-of-town guests with some idea of where they can stay. Even your local guests may wish to avoid the risk of driving home after having a few drinks at your reception.
Call for rates early! In the first place, you tend to get a better rate when calling a year or so in advance. And once a rate is quoted, it's golden. Second, if your wedding date happens to fall on a convention weekend, or during fall foliage or any other special event, you will need to know this as soon as possible so that your guests who will need rooms can get them!
If your reception is booked at a hotel, contact your banquet sales representative. In larger operations, you might be referred to a Group Sales Manager. In any case, you will want to get information on rates for the day before, the day of, and the day after your wedding. And, if you are speaking with a representative of the hotel other than the banquet sales-rep, you will want to point out that your wedding is being held there. Be sure you know the following:
1. (Based on your wedding occurring on a weekend) Is this the best weekend rate available? Is there an additional discount if a certain number of rooms are booked by your wedding guests?
2. (Based on your wedding occurring during a weekend) What would the weekday rate be per night for guests arriving earlier in the week, or staying later into the next week?
3. Are these rates per person or per room?
4. What is the rate with tax? Are there any other fees or surcharges?
5. What is the cost for cribs? For rollaway beds?
6. Are handicapped rooms available?
7. Are there any special events coinciding with the weekend (or surrounding the date) of your wedding?
8. Is there a toll-free reservation number that out-of-state guests can call direct to reach the hotel?
9. Up until what time of day can a room be held for guest arrival without a credit card number to secure it?
10. What credit cards are accepted at this hotel?
If the hotel sees no danger of filling up well before your wedding guests have received their invitations:
- Ask that a "rate quote" card be filled out with your name (use your maiden name), the groom's name, and the weekend or date of your wedding. This method does not guarantee rooms for your wedding day, so you have no financial obligations. It simply provides the reservationist with the proper rate quote for your group. You will be responsible for supplying any necessary information to your guests. But don't worry — it's very simple!
- Ask if you may have some brochures to mail to your guests. These should be supplied to you without charge. Ask for enough for one-half of your total guest count.
The best plan of action is to mail the hotel brochure separately from your invitation, with the rate information for all guests, and a list of "tourist activities" included for those coming from out of town. Your hotel information notice can be simply typewritten, copied, and folded into the brochure. Here's an example:
THE BELMONT PLAZA
of Belmont Hills, Massachusetts
is pleased to offer specially discounted rates for our wedding guests!
$49.00 per room per night on the weekend ($55.00 per room per night during the week) plus 9.7% tax
In-state call direct: Out-of-state call toll free:
(617) 555-1776 1-800-555-0001
Remember to tell the reservationist that you are with the Hamilton-Cartwright Reception
A VISA®, MasterCard®, American Express®, or Diners Club Card® number will be necessary to hold your room for arrival after 4 p.m. Call early to ensure availability. See? It's that easy!
But what if there is a special event scheduled for the same weekend as your wedding? If rooms are currently available, you should definitely reserve a "block" of rooms for the ease and comfort of your guests.
How many rooms will you need? The average wedding results in 10% of the guests booking rooms. So, if your anticipated guest count is 200, reserve 20 rooms. However, if you plan on inviting several out-of-town guests, increase that number accordingly!
Avoid using your credit card to hold a block of rooms. Instead, get a cut-off date. This simply means that these 20 or so rooms will be held until a certain date without obligation. On that specified date, any and for reservations made by your wedding guests after the cut-off date would then be subject to availability.
Keep in mind that you will have to give your guests adequate notice! If your cut-off date is five weeks prior to your wedding, you must send your invitations out approximately eight weeks before your wedding day! You can send out a notice like the example shown later, but remember to replace the "Call early to ensure availability" line with something like the following:
PLEASE NOTE: Due to the increased demand for rooms during fall foliage season, you must make your reservations prior to September 1st!
In any case, remember that you will want to book rooms for your bridesmaids, ushers, and other important friends and family members coming from out of town. Count up the number of rooms you know you will need and add half a dozen to that number. Remember to ask for nonsmoking rooms for your friends and family who do not smoke.
Give a credit card number to hold these rooms and get a written copy or computer print-out of your reservation. This should state the latest date you can cancel what you don't need. Securing the six extra rooms helps in two ways: (1) You may have unintentionally forgotten someone special on your list. (2) Because of your credit card hold, these rooms will be available longer than the general block of rooms held for your wedding guests. In this way, you might be able to assist anyone who waited until the last minute to get a room. Just remember to cancel what you don't need by the date specified! If you don't, your credit card will be billed for at least one night's room and tax on any and all unclaimed rooms. And if the hotel can prove that you understood the policies, you will have little or no recourse through your credit card company.
Now, if your reception facility does not have overnight accommodations, call or visit all the hotels, motels, inns, and bed-and-break-fast facilities in your immediate area. Get rate quotes for your wedding day and ask if the facility has a toll-free number. I would recommend taking the time to see a guest room at each facility. This helps you to avoid referring a property to your guests that might not be quite up to your standards.
Depending on the style and mailing specifications of your invitation, you can either include this list as an insert to your invitation, or mail it separately with a "tourist activities" list for out-of-town guests. And, as previously mentioned, if your wedding date coincides with a special event in your area, indicate to your guests that they should make their reservations as early as possible.
Having reviewed all of the overnight accommodations in your area, select the best site for your bridesmaids, family members, or whomever you will be providing rooms for, based on where you believe they might feel most comfortable. Bed-and-breakfasts often appeal to couples, and many of these homes or small inns provide truly romantic atmospheres. They are not, however, always suitable for a group of giggling bridesmaids. Your friends might wish to "party" and have a good time, and may not feel quite at ease doing so in someone else's home. Just use your best judgment. Not all your personal guests need to stay at the same place.
And once again, as tiresome as it may be to hear, remember to get in writing all the deposit and cancellation policies!
Tourist Activities for Out-of-Town Guests
Once your closest friends and family from out of town hear the happy news of your engagement, they may possibly decide to work their vacation plans around the day of your wedding. And even for those just coming for the weekend, what nicer gift can you give them but some great ideas on what to do!
If you, your fiance, or any immediate family member belongs to AAA, or any other fine travel service, you're in great luck. Visit your local office, explain that you're getting married, etc., and ask for information on all there is to do within easy driving distance in the season in which you will wed. Know in advance approximately how many mailings you would need. Some agencies will have stock supplies of brochures, coupons, etc., just for the asking. Even if you don't have any professional contacts in the travel world, there are still some options open to you:
- Visit your local Chamber of Commerce for ideas.
- Drive to your closest tourist information facility.
If you have no way of getting, or for that matter mailing, all of the tourist information available to your guests, you can simply type a list and send it out with your hotel notice. Just remember to include a variety of activities and restaurants to appeal to both couples and families. And for courtesy's sake, include church service schedules for as many denominations as you can. (Note: If your reception is being held at a hotel, the front desk usually has, or posts, such a listing. You can either copy this information, or indicate on your packet that the hotel will provide schedules upon request.)
If you have enough time and the desire to do so, you can write your own Personal "Travel Guide" for out-of-town guests! Just visit all the fun places to go to in your area (if you haven't done so recently) and write your opinions down in letter format to copy for your guests. Be sure to include everything — amusement parks, museums, walking tours, aquariums, historic buildings, beaches, gardens, nature trails. . . . Are there any interesting arts and crafts galleries, or any other specialty shops, particularly in "restored" areas? What sporting events are going on? Are there any special celebrations in or around town, such as a blue-grass festival or Oktoberfest? Is there a lovely dairy farm nearby that offers tours of their cheesemaking process? How about bicycle tours, or boat rides? Just keep in mind the time of year in which your wedding will occur. And for basic information, list movie theatres and local restaurants. If you have a favorite romantic or fun restaurant, be sure to let people know, but also include the "family" type eateries so that everyone can dine well according to their budgets.
This personalized travel planner can be as informative and as fun as you want to make it. And don't be afraid to ask each place for coupons you can pass along to your guests (restaurants included). They'd most likely welcome the added business. And your wedding guests will feel honored that you did so much to make their stay special!
Designing Your Very Own Cake Top and Reception Table Centerpieces
Cake Tops
Sometimes it seems a shame to crown a beautifully handcrafted wedding cake with a second-rate cake top. The standard choices (generic bride and groom figures, feathery doves, and plastic bells) are rarely nice enough. But there are ways to complete a wedding cake that make it truly yours.
Are your parents still happily married and wonderfully in love? Then why not adorn your wedding cake with a very special bride and groom — your parents!
First, you will need to know the dimensions of the top tier of your wedding cake. Then find a picture of your parents on their wedding day and place it in a frame that complements the color and design of your cake. Hand-painted china or porcelain frames are lovely, and you can often find something with your wedding colors in it. Another solution is a filigree frame of silver or gold. This particular style would allow you to wire tiny tea roses or any other variety of small fresh or dried flowers through the openwork of the frame.
If one of your parents has passed on, you may still wish to consider this idea as a loving tribute. Discuss the idea with your remaining parent for approval. As long as it won't seem too maudlin (or create a problem with a new spouse) it's a beautiful way in which to have that very special loved one with you on your wedding day.
Another "framework" idea is to obtain pictures of everyone in the bridal party that will fit or be cut down to fit those 2 1/2" x 2 1/2" heart-shaped frames. Then you can ring the layers of your wedding cake with the faces of those you love best.
Now if these ideas seem too sentimental, or just don't fit your particular taste or style, there is yet another avenue you can pursue. Adorn your cake top with a symbol of your courtship. Not sure what to do? Well, it does require some thought. But something will come to you.
For example: is your fiance a baseball fanatic? Was your first date at the home season opener? Is there a baseball player that your future husband idolizes to distraction? No problem!
Contact the sales office at your ballpark. (If they can't help you directly, they'll point you in the right direction.) Explain that you are getting married and that your future husband has been a fan of the team since he was in diapers. Now the real question is: If you offer to make a donation towards the team's favorite charity, will that special player autograph a baseball in bold marker with "Best Wishes to (bride and groom's names) on (date)"? Because you are making a donation, it is doubtful they would refuse. You can easily locate a stand for the baseball in any bric-a-brac store — perhaps an ornate filigree soap dish? And you can add that feminine touch by streaming ribbons to match your bridal colors from the base of your cake top down the sides of the cake.
Obviously such an idea won't work if your fiance is a football or soccer fan. And maybe a baseball just isn't your idea of romantic. But you get the general idea. Sit down with friends and discuss the history of your relationship with your husband-to-be. Somewhere along the way, someone will have a brainstorm.
Yet another option would be a treasured figurine, such as a Hummel or porcelain Victorian lovers. But with anything so valuable, I would suggest assigning a friend or family member to bring the piece to the reception hall on your wedding day, and take it back the minute you have finished your cake-cutting ceremony. If all else fails, hand-blown glass or silk or fresh flowers can beautifully enhance your wedding cake. Remember that fresh flowers should be free of insects and pesticides.
Just keep in mind, however, that whatever the design, your custom cake top has to fit the dimensions of the top tier of your cake.
Guest Table Centerpieces
Flowers don't have to be your only choice in adorning the reception guest tables. Given your time, your budget, and your talents, a world of ideas is open to you. Are you hopelessly wishing you could have candles, but your state or county has restrictions on open flame? Well, you could ask your facility representative about the policy regarding "floating candles." This involves your supplying large brandy snifters in which a colored oil is placed. This oil supports a clear plastic wick which stays lit because of the oil. You can typically find inexpensive snifters at outlet bargain stores. The wicks and oil can be purchased wherever crafts are sold, and often the oil can be found in a color to match or at least complement your bridal colors. You'll have to assign some volunteers to set these up for you at the reception site. And for safety's sake, do not fill the snifters too high with oil. You'll want to avoid fancy dress sleeves from coming into contact with the flame. But, despite the effort needed, floating candles do create a lovely effect for an evening reception.
If your wedding date falls close to the holidays, you might consider table centerpieces with a theme. Pumpkins can be carved in interesting bowl designs to support wildflowers or other autumnal displays. Just make sure that your wildflowers are insect free. And the possibilities at Christmas time are endless. Poinsettias are typically inexpensive and make lovely centerpieces. Ringing the base of the pot with pine boughs makes a nice effect. If candles encased in hurricane lamps are allowed at your facility, create a wreath around each one with holly, ivy, or pine boughs with velvet ribbons to match your bridal colors. Brandy snifters can be filled with colorful glass ornaments, resulting in a keepsake for each person at the table. You can also set up small Christmas trees, or baskets of arched pine branches that hold tiny dove and bell ornaments, symbolic of weddings. And to make your head table special, drape ivy across the front skirt of the table and attach big red velvet bows.
Whether it's Valentine's Day or not, think hearts. Fill brandy snifters with colorful candy hearts. Then encircle the snifters with ivy and attach heart-shaped ornaments to the twine so that each heart lies flat on the table facing a guest's chair. Once again, a loving keepsake your guests will always treasure.
This next idea is time consuming. But the rewards are worth the effort.
Take your guest list and group people as you would place them at guest tables. You will have friends from work, friends from college, relatives, neighbors, etc.
Now consider each "table group" separately and decide what it is that draws you all together. For example, your business friends — do you all work together, say in a secretarial pool? Then find a toy typewriter and attach balloons to the keys that match your bridal party colors. Did you and your college friends have a favorite hangout? Even if it's out of state, call that restaurant, pub, or whatever — explain that you're getting married etc. — and ask if they'll mail you a menu or something with the establishment's name on it. Then ask your reception facility if you can borrow a table display holder (the coiled chrome or clear plastic device that restaurants use to display wine lists and dessert specials). If they don't have one, they should be able to refer you to a restaurant supply store that does. Then, on your wedding day, your college buddies will have a grand time recalling the good ol' days. Make a painted cardboard copy of your street sign for the neighbor's table and attach balloons through small punch holes in the sign.
Family pictures are nice for the parents' tables. As mentioned in the "Cake Top" section, filigree frames can be enhanced with fresh or dried flowers. And porcelain frames can be found to match your bridal colors.
Are you worried that a room full of balloons, bells, and baseballs will seem rather chaotic? Don't be afraid of your wedding day being less than uniform. It's a festive day and the joy you will create by making your guests feel cherished and special will be remembered for years to come!
Sometimes it seems a shame to crown a beautifully handcrafted wedding cake with a second-rate cake top. The standard choices (generic bride and groom figures, feathery doves, and plastic bells) are rarely nice enough. But there are ways to complete a wedding cake that make it truly yours.
Are your parents still happily married and wonderfully in love? Then why not adorn your wedding cake with a very special bride and groom — your parents!
First, you will need to know the dimensions of the top tier of your wedding cake. Then find a picture of your parents on their wedding day and place it in a frame that complements the color and design of your cake. Hand-painted china or porcelain frames are lovely, and you can often find something with your wedding colors in it. Another solution is a filigree frame of silver or gold. This particular style would allow you to wire tiny tea roses or any other variety of small fresh or dried flowers through the openwork of the frame.
If one of your parents has passed on, you may still wish to consider this idea as a loving tribute. Discuss the idea with your remaining parent for approval. As long as it won't seem too maudlin (or create a problem with a new spouse) it's a beautiful way in which to have that very special loved one with you on your wedding day.
Another "framework" idea is to obtain pictures of everyone in the bridal party that will fit or be cut down to fit those 2 1/2" x 2 1/2" heart-shaped frames. Then you can ring the layers of your wedding cake with the faces of those you love best.
Now if these ideas seem too sentimental, or just don't fit your particular taste or style, there is yet another avenue you can pursue. Adorn your cake top with a symbol of your courtship. Not sure what to do? Well, it does require some thought. But something will come to you.
For example: is your fiance a baseball fanatic? Was your first date at the home season opener? Is there a baseball player that your future husband idolizes to distraction? No problem!
Contact the sales office at your ballpark. (If they can't help you directly, they'll point you in the right direction.) Explain that you are getting married and that your future husband has been a fan of the team since he was in diapers. Now the real question is: If you offer to make a donation towards the team's favorite charity, will that special player autograph a baseball in bold marker with "Best Wishes to (bride and groom's names) on (date)"? Because you are making a donation, it is doubtful they would refuse. You can easily locate a stand for the baseball in any bric-a-brac store — perhaps an ornate filigree soap dish? And you can add that feminine touch by streaming ribbons to match your bridal colors from the base of your cake top down the sides of the cake.
Obviously such an idea won't work if your fiance is a football or soccer fan. And maybe a baseball just isn't your idea of romantic. But you get the general idea. Sit down with friends and discuss the history of your relationship with your husband-to-be. Somewhere along the way, someone will have a brainstorm.
Yet another option would be a treasured figurine, such as a Hummel or porcelain Victorian lovers. But with anything so valuable, I would suggest assigning a friend or family member to bring the piece to the reception hall on your wedding day, and take it back the minute you have finished your cake-cutting ceremony. If all else fails, hand-blown glass or silk or fresh flowers can beautifully enhance your wedding cake. Remember that fresh flowers should be free of insects and pesticides.
Just keep in mind, however, that whatever the design, your custom cake top has to fit the dimensions of the top tier of your cake.
Guest Table Centerpieces
Flowers don't have to be your only choice in adorning the reception guest tables. Given your time, your budget, and your talents, a world of ideas is open to you. Are you hopelessly wishing you could have candles, but your state or county has restrictions on open flame? Well, you could ask your facility representative about the policy regarding "floating candles." This involves your supplying large brandy snifters in which a colored oil is placed. This oil supports a clear plastic wick which stays lit because of the oil. You can typically find inexpensive snifters at outlet bargain stores. The wicks and oil can be purchased wherever crafts are sold, and often the oil can be found in a color to match or at least complement your bridal colors. You'll have to assign some volunteers to set these up for you at the reception site. And for safety's sake, do not fill the snifters too high with oil. You'll want to avoid fancy dress sleeves from coming into contact with the flame. But, despite the effort needed, floating candles do create a lovely effect for an evening reception.
If your wedding date falls close to the holidays, you might consider table centerpieces with a theme. Pumpkins can be carved in interesting bowl designs to support wildflowers or other autumnal displays. Just make sure that your wildflowers are insect free. And the possibilities at Christmas time are endless. Poinsettias are typically inexpensive and make lovely centerpieces. Ringing the base of the pot with pine boughs makes a nice effect. If candles encased in hurricane lamps are allowed at your facility, create a wreath around each one with holly, ivy, or pine boughs with velvet ribbons to match your bridal colors. Brandy snifters can be filled with colorful glass ornaments, resulting in a keepsake for each person at the table. You can also set up small Christmas trees, or baskets of arched pine branches that hold tiny dove and bell ornaments, symbolic of weddings. And to make your head table special, drape ivy across the front skirt of the table and attach big red velvet bows.
Whether it's Valentine's Day or not, think hearts. Fill brandy snifters with colorful candy hearts. Then encircle the snifters with ivy and attach heart-shaped ornaments to the twine so that each heart lies flat on the table facing a guest's chair. Once again, a loving keepsake your guests will always treasure.
This next idea is time consuming. But the rewards are worth the effort.
Take your guest list and group people as you would place them at guest tables. You will have friends from work, friends from college, relatives, neighbors, etc.
Now consider each "table group" separately and decide what it is that draws you all together. For example, your business friends — do you all work together, say in a secretarial pool? Then find a toy typewriter and attach balloons to the keys that match your bridal party colors. Did you and your college friends have a favorite hangout? Even if it's out of state, call that restaurant, pub, or whatever — explain that you're getting married etc. — and ask if they'll mail you a menu or something with the establishment's name on it. Then ask your reception facility if you can borrow a table display holder (the coiled chrome or clear plastic device that restaurants use to display wine lists and dessert specials). If they don't have one, they should be able to refer you to a restaurant supply store that does. Then, on your wedding day, your college buddies will have a grand time recalling the good ol' days. Make a painted cardboard copy of your street sign for the neighbor's table and attach balloons through small punch holes in the sign.
Family pictures are nice for the parents' tables. As mentioned in the "Cake Top" section, filigree frames can be enhanced with fresh or dried flowers. And porcelain frames can be found to match your bridal colors.
Are you worried that a room full of balloons, bells, and baseballs will seem rather chaotic? Don't be afraid of your wedding day being less than uniform. It's a festive day and the joy you will create by making your guests feel cherished and special will be remembered for years to come!
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