By now, you've gathered your best friends and family to i act as your bridesmaids and maid or matron of honor. And you've probably vowed, as all brides do, that the bridesmaids' attire will "definitely be something they can wear again." Well, this is. a nice gesture. But judging by all the bridesmaids' apparel I've seen over the years, that means these young ladies dine regularly at the Captain's table on the Love Boat.
Unless you select tea-length or shorter skirts, it is nearly impossible to come up with a outfit that can be worn "in real life." So what do you do?
The bridesmaids are traditionally responsible for the cost of their dresses and accessories. You provide their bouquets, as well as overnight accommodations, when necessary. With this in mind, consider the following options:
* When browsing through bridal magazines, be realistic about the heights and figures of your bridesmaids. If anyone is on the heavy side, or very short, you will not want to adorn them in dresses that will detract from their lovelier features. Where do sashes cinch? Avoid off-the-shoulder gowns if someone in your party is "well endowed," or ask her confidentially if she is comfortable in a strapless bra.
* Show your bridesmaids a variety of pictures that appeal to you, quoting the range of prices. You will get a good feel for their budgets without specifically coming out with the question.
* One of the most economical options your bridesmaids have is to rent their outfits (if you are fortunate enough to live in an area where such an offering is available) or to purchase used, sample, or never-completed bridesmaids' attire. Most bridal boutiques carry these now, and so do specialty shops. Unless your bridal party is astronomical in number, you can often find some truly fantastic deals.
Things Happen
What if one of your bridesmaids becomes pregnant? If the timing of your wedding means she is going to "show" too much, she may want to beg out of the proceedings. Try to understand. She might not want to "stand out" in your formal pictures. Instead, you might want to consider asking her if she will do a reading at your ceremony. This offer shows how important she is to you, and will most likely be accepted.
What Does a Bridesmaid Do?
Essentially, not much. They precede you down the aisle and stand witness to your marriage. But they can do much more, if you want them to, such as:
* Ask a bridesmaid to help an usher hand out directions from the church site to the reception. Two people keeps the line moving smoothly.
* If your reception is at a hotel and you have hired a babysitter to watch the children in a guest room, ask a bridesmaid to periodically check on how things are going. The best choice would be someone who also knows that babysitter (if you found a sitter from your neighborhood). But if not, especially in the case of a sitter contracted through the hotel, it's an especially good idea for someone to "drop by" once in a while.
* If you have a table or two of mixed single people, ask any of your more outgoing bridesmaids to visit these tables and promote conversation if things don't seem
to be going well. This particular bridesmaid need only know one person at any given table to get things going. She can introduce herself to the others and ask how they are acquainted with either you or the groom.
* Ask your bridesmaids to dote on your elderly relatives. You and your newly christened husband, as well as both sets of parents, will probably be pulled in all directions, so make sure that grandmothers, great aunts, and other relatives don't feel left out.
What Does the Maid or Matron of Honor Do?
Depending on how close she lives to you, your maid or matron of honor can assist you with any aspect of your wedding that you'd like her to. Typically, she would be in charge of organizing your bridal shower. At the party, she would make a list of your gifts and who gave them to you, just in case tags get misplaced during the display. And if she has good penmanship, your maid or matron of honor can help you with invitations and/or place cards.
Having a problem deciding between your sister and best friend for the post as maid of honor? Choose both! Just keep in mind that you may need an extra usher to create an even number at your head table. (This may depend on whether you choose to seat clergy or a single parent at the head table.) Or, the best man can escort both ladies. A single friend or sister is a maid of honor, and a married one is a matron, but always let a divorced woman decide what she wishes to be called.
The Ushers
Ushers have it easy as far as attire goes. They rent it. The groom and best man should coordinate all fittings, and the best man is in charge of making sure that all tuxedos are returned in good shape to the store within the allotted time. The only exception to this would be when the best man is from out of town. In this case, a reliable usher is elevated to the position of "Keeper of the Clothes."
Is it a problem when some of the ushers don't live in the area? No, especially if you check the franchise chains that rent tuxedos. Ask the sales representative to locate the store nearest to each usher who resides out of town. Then, if you like their prices, let them make arrangements with their sister stores for your "long distance" ushers. But if this does not work out, ask for size chart cards that the ushers would take to a local men's clothing store. A sales clerk there would take and list all appropriate measurements. This is a courtesy that any fine establishment will offer to do. The cards are simply mailed back to your local store, and — voilai — little or no problems. Any out-of-town usher should, however, do his best to have a local fitting the week of your wedding, just to be sure all is well.
What Do the Groomsmen Do?
The best man is in charge of the wedding rings. Together with your maid of honor, the best man signs as witness on your marriage license. If desired, your best man can also act as your spokesman during the reception. If the band is too loud, or the bar has run out of beer, it is generally the best man who seeks out the proper person to remedy the problem. But aside from their "ushering" guests into the ceremony, the groom's attendants seem to have little else to do. They can, however:
* Pass out directions from the church site to the reception.
Make sure that everyone who will appear in formal pictures is accounted for after the ceremony, and in cars that start! (Don't laugh. I've hosted more than a few weddings where the wedding party had to wait for people who had car problems.)
Make sure that everyone who is in formal pictures proceeds to the proper picture site. It's a good idea to have these cars travel together.
* At your reception, single ushers could be asked to invite your single female friends to dance. (Who knows what if may lead to!)
* And for receptions that end after dark, ushers might be asked to escort unattended ladies to their cars.
Whatever the case, and whatever they do, gather your most cherished of friends and family and share the special joys of the best day of your life!
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