The Pleasure of Your Company
Remember that guest list you were working on with "the powers that be"? Well, now it's time to tackle the arduous task of getting out your wedding invitations. Since the announcement of your engagement, you've probably been hard at work perfecting your guest list. More likely, you've been pulling your hair out over the way your guest list is going, especially if your parents have had anything to do with it.
You see, parents have a penchant for wanting to invite all their friends and business associates to your wedding. And when you ask them why, parents always say, "Because they invited us to their daughter's wedding." Now, this isn't always the whole truth. Your parents are proud of you. They want to gloat. They want to brag, "See? We got her this far!" And, if your parents are contributing solely, or even in an equal manner, to your wedding, they have a right to all, a half, or a third of the guest list. Way back in the very first post of this series, I talked about learning how to compromise. Well, grit your teeth and try to smile. This is it.
When more than one person controls the guest list, things get frustrating. It's a plain fact, and you must deal with any problems accordingly. My suggestion is that any person who wishes to invite more than his or her allotted amount should personally pay for those additional guests. Just remember to keep within the capacity limits of your banquet room!
Now what if you have eight wonderful friends at work that you definitely want to invite, but including their spouses puts a strain on your wallet. By all means, invite those friends. Just let them know verbally as soon as possible that you're sorry, but your budget doesn't have room for extra people at this time. You might make an exception if you are very good friends with one or more spouse or "significant other." Certainly include them if you can. The others should understand.
Should you invite your boss? For the same reason your mother and father want to include theirs, you might want to consider doing the same. Inviting the boss is good for business. Now, I don't suggest sending an invitation to some high-powered executive whom you've never seen. But if your direct supervisor is a decent person — did he or she bend over backwards to get you extra time off for your honeymoon? — then definitely invite them. And this is one of those exceptions where you should include a spouse or companion.
The only' other time I would suggest sending an invitation that includes "and guest" is when the person you are inviting is not acquainted with anyone else at your wedding and may feel terribly awkward attending alone.
And what about children? If you are inviting a lot of couples with children, it is best not to include any kids at all (with the exception of your flower girl and ring bearer, of course). Simply address your invitation to "Mr. and Mrs. Robert Jones." Sending an invitation to "Mr. Robert Jones and Family" indicates that you wish to include everyone in the festivities.
If an entire family is planning their vacation around your wedding — and that means the children are coming — the decision is entirely up to you. If you don't care that a few disgruntled parents will be muttering under their breath, fine. But there's an even happier solution to this problem: If your reception is being held at a hotel, provide a babysitter. The safest option is to contact someone you know from your neighborhood. Most hotel facilities offer babysitting service with advance notice, as well. And although this employee may be honest and trustworthy, I would always opt to place children with someone you are comfortable with. Everyone will feel better for it and have a worry-free time at your wedding.
Selecting Your Invitations
The days of black print on white stock are long gone. Today's bride has a wider selection than ever of styles, colors, and ink shades. And anything from Victorian scented scrolls to electric purple laminate goes! The choice is yours, lucky bride.
Happy hunting.
Seriously, however, you should visit as many print shops as you can and view their sample books with your style of wedding in mind. Will it be formal or festive? Black tie or barbecue? This should assist you in deciding what stock and printing style convey your message best. Study each variety of wording for the one that says it all for you. You needn't feel concerned if each and every sample says "Mr. and Mrs. Allen Smith requests the honor of your presence at the wedding of their daughter. ..." The wording of the host line is determined by your own personal situation and needs.
When getting your price quote, add 50 to the total number you think you will need. This provides you with leeway for mistakes and/or extras for any last-minute additions. The golden rule of printing seems to be that the more you print the less per invitation it will cost. You may find that ordering a hundred extra invitations doesn't add any significant amount to the price.
Colored inks add to the cost of your invitations. If the sample that catches your eye is printed in dusty rose, compare what the same one would be with standard black ink.
One cost-cutting option is to contact local technical schools about printing your invitations. Just make sure that they can do all the inserts you need, .and in the time frame you need them. And allot time for proofreading.
Proofreading is a funny thing. We're all very particular about checking the spelling of our names, but we aren't as meticulous about the wedding date and ceremony time. We assume the printer can spell the state we live in, so we don't look very carefully. That's a mistake. Be certain to carefully proofread the information you give to the printer. When you receive the invitations, proofread them again to be sure they are correct.
Never proofread when tired. Share the duty. Block each and every word with the blank side of an index card if you have to in order to concentrate. Even read it backwards — once you say "print," you pay.
In any event, get your invitations printed early. It is far more relaxing to address them at your leisure than to wait until the last minute when every other detail of your wedding seems so pressing.
Who is the Host!
Traditionally, the bride's parents are the host and hostess of the wedding, and the opening line of a wedding invitation reads something like this:
Mr. and Mrs. Martin Beigh request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Jessica Ann
(and so on)
Now, if your mother has remarried:
Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Spencer request the honor of our presence at the marriage of Mrs. Spencer's daughter Miss Jessica Ann Beigh
If your father has remarried, and is the primary host:
Mr. Martin Beigh requests the honor of your presence at the marriage of his daughter Jessica Ann Beigh
If your parents are divorced and have new spouses, but are on friendly enough terms to host your special day together:
Mr. Martin Beigh and Mrs. Jonathan Spencer request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Jessica Ann
(include your last name if desired)
Here's the tricky one. If your divorced parents are hosting your reception together, but only your father has remarried, you will want their approval on how the invitation is worded. To call them Mr. and Mrs. Martin Leigh may cause your guests to assume that the second Mrs. Leigh is acting as hostess. Your mother could, if so desired, utilize her maiden name to distinguish herself from your father's new wife, either allowing her maiden name to stand by itself, or by hyphenating it with "Leigh." You can even drop the "Mr." and "Mrs." part, such as shown here:
Martin Beigh and Victoria Allen-Beigh
Whatever the case, let your mother be comfortable with the wording. If your parents are deceased, and a family member (such as an uncle) is assisting you with your plans, the wording could read something like:
Mr. Andrew Beigh requests the honor of your presence at the marriage of his niece Jessica Ann Beigh
If you and the groom are solely doing the inviting, your names simply head the invitation. You can dispense with the "Miss" and "Mr." if you prefer:
Jessica Ann Beigh and Robert Dean Williams request the honor of your presence on the occasion of their marriage
When the groom's parents act as host:
Mr. and Mrs. Roy Williams request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their son Robert Dean Williams to
Jessica Ann Beigh
And, finally, if all parents are alive, happily married, and want to share the spotlight:
Mr. and Mrs. Martin Beigh and
Mr. and Mrs. Roy Williams request the Honor of your presence at the wedding of their children Jessica Ann and Robert Dean
(add your last names, if desired)
All of these are merely suggestions. You will know what suits your needs the best. Don't fuss over etiquette and tradition just because you think you have to. The best invitation need only speak from your heart!
When to Mail Your Invitations
* For Thanksgiving and Christmas time weddings: Phone important family members and friends as soon as you have selected the date. Then mail all your invitations four months ahead of schedule.
* For weddings occurring over long weekends: Once again let close friends and family know as soon as you do. Then mail all invitations three months in advance.
* If your wedding coincides with a "special event" in town: Give your guests ample opportunity to find hotel rooms if they need them. (See the previous posts on hotel accommodations.) Send your invitations approximately two to three weeks in advance of the last available day to make sleeping room reservations.
* If your nuptials occur during a popular month for weddings, such as September or October: Send out all invitations eight to ten weeks in advance.
* For all others: Six to eight weeks is acceptable.
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