The Ceremony: How to Say 'I Do!'

Planning a wedding in the 21 century can be confusing, at best. With so many choices available, from invitation style to the bridal gown, many first-time brides find it easy to get overwhelmed. The myriad of decisions that need to be made by the wedding date deadline seem to grow with each passing day, and the pressure to do everything right can be oppressive.

The wedding ceremony is one area you shouldn't have to stress out about. There are a few traditions that are usually observed, but they are flexible to accommodate today's nontraditional families that result from divorce and remarriage, as well as the growing emphasis on gender equality.

In traditional Christian weddings, the bride's family and friends occupy the left side of the church, while the groom's family and friends sit on the right. The opposite seating arrangement is observed in a Jewish ceremony. In both types of ceremonies, the family of the bride and groom sit closest to the altar.

After all the other guests have been seated, one groomsman escorts the mother of the groom to her seat, and they are followed by her husband. The mother of the bride is then escorted down the aisle by a groomsman so that she is the last person seated.

The groom, best man, and officiant take their places at the altar. At the start of the music, the bridal party begins their processional. It is up to you and your fiance to decide whether the groomsmen should escort the bridesmaids down the aisle, or just wait for them at the altar. Whichever option you choose, the attendants should be lined up according to height, from shortest to tallest.

The maid or matron of honor follows the rest of the wedding party, and the ring bearer and flower girl bring up the rear.

At this point, the guests should all rise in anticipation of the bride's arrival. She is escorted down the aisle by her father, who stands at her right when presenting his daughter's hand to the groom. The ceremony begins when the couple turns to face the officiant.

You and your fiance must decide whether you will recite the traditional vows, or pen your own. Although you have full freedom over what you may say during the ceremony, many people choose the traditional vows for their charm and quaint symbolism. Still, others choose this opportunity to express their love for each other in a uniquely personal way, and find writing their own vows to be an intensely rewarding experience.

Many couples also object to the sentiment expressed in the vows that a wife should "love, honor, and obey" her husband, as though she is his property. The line that proclaims them as "man and wife" is also objectionable, since it labels women as only wives, while men are important people. These lines can easily be changed without sacrificing any of the love symbolized by the wedding vows.

Once the ceremony has ended, the couple is announced by the clergy member, and they begin their recessional, side by side and arm in arm. They are followed by the ringbearer and flower girl, the best man and maid or matron of honor, and the paired groomsmen and bridesmaids.

Any of these customs may be modified to fit you and your fiance's needs. For example, you may choose to have the flower girl and ring bearer sit with their parents after walking down the aisle, since little kids generally have a hard time keeping still.

With the addition of children from earlier marriages, and stepparents from parents' remarriages, the seating arrangements and ceremony procedures can seem confusing. Remember that there are no hard and fast rules -- it is better to make sure everyone you want to include is included, instead of limiting yourself due to some tradition.

Also remember that most people will be willing to set aside their differences for one day, to let you celebrate your wedding without a fight. Be up front and honest with everyone involved from the start, so they know what to expect.

With these guidelines to use as a vague outline, you can design your ceremony to accommodate your needs. The ceremony should be as enjoyable as possible, and not having to worry about sticking to some hard and fast rules will make planning it virtually worry-free.