Then and Now: Engaged couples of just a generation ago followed a much stricter code of wedding "rules"

You're engaged, and suddenly everyone has advice for you - your mother, his mother, friends and relatives, perhaps even grandparents. They all mean well, but as a bride of the '08, you have the freedom to do things your way. Engaged couples of just a generation ago followed a much stricter code of wedding "rules" than do brides and grooms now. Today, you can choose to follow the traditions that mean the most to you and tailor the rules to suit your style.

Here, some customs updated for the new decade:

THE PROPOSAL

Then: The groom asked the bride's father for her hand.
Now: The couple decides to marry, and the proposal may be dramatic - a diamond in a champagne glass, the words, "Will you marry me?" flashed across a stadium scoreboard. News of the engagement is faxed to family and friends.

THE INVITATIONS

Then: Invitations were formal, engraved and issued by the bride's parents.
Now: Invitations reflect the spirit of the celebration. They may be etched on glass, printed on hand-painted cards, collaged from memorabilia of the couple's courtship, lettered on scrolls. Wording has changed, too, for parents who remarried, or couples, who are hosting their own ceremonies.

THE BRIDE

Then: The bride's full-time job was to work on wedding details with her mother.
Now: Career-minded brides don't let wedding planning disrupt their jobs. Weekends and lunch hours are prime planning time. Therefore, an increasing number of professional brides-to-be hire a wedding consultant to handle the specifics.

THE GROOM

Then: All that was expected of him was to show upon the wedding day.
Now: He takes part in planning his wedding, interviewing photographers, screening bands and helping select the wedding menu.

THE SHOWER

Then: Women gathered for an afternoon to shower the bride with household items, linen, lingerie.
Now: Showers may be held for the couple, and at night. Gift themes revolve around the couple's interests, such as "Handy Couple" (tools, sewing machine, furniture kits); "That's Entertainment" (VCR's CD's, popcorn maker); "His & Her Fitness" (running gear, exercise bike, workout videos).

THE SITE

Then: Couples planned to marry in a church, synagogue, hotel, or at home.
Now: The trend is toward ceremonial sites which evoke a sense of history or possess special appeal - an elegant Victorian mansion, a museum, or a spacious loft, for example.

THE CAKE

Then: The bride's cake was a white, tiered confections with white frosting and a plastic bride and groom on top.
Now: Cakes are creative works, decorated expressly to complement the wedding theme. Flavors are for sophisticated palates - spice, carrot, cheesecake, lemon, orange, chocolate mocha, and sometimes all of them at once, with a different flavor for each tier. To top it off, couples choose something special: a pair of crystal swans, miniature flower basket, Mickey and Minnie figurines, or a custom-made bride and groom painted to resemble themselves.