Alternative Reception Sites

Mansions, Yachts, and Gardens: Hand Selecting Your Reception Services
Okay, so you're the type of woman who shudders at the idea of a package plan ... It all began when you were seven and your silly cousin Myrtle wanted you to be her flower girl. Oh, that awful Little Bo-Peep dress! All you can remember about the reception is a sea of relatives' faces gnawing on assembly line chicken in a room without windows... and that band leader in the crushed velvet tuxedo! Well, that all may have been Myrtle's idea of bliss, but it's not yours! You want your wedding to be outdoors — unique — you want to be in charge! You and only you will hand pick the caterer, the music, the photographer, the limousine, the cake, and the florist.
If you believe the only way a thing can be done right is to do it yourself, then this is the post for you.

A hotel is by far the most convenient place to hold your wedding reception. Aside from the obvious food and beverage services they supply, hotels also offer overnight accommodations for the ease and comfort of your out-of-town guests. But if you reside in an area where historical homes, gardens, yachts, and museums rent out space for social functions, you may find such romantic surroundings more to your liking. Just keep in mind that you will have to be responsible for all aspects of your reception. But if you're patient, practical, and above all, organized, you should have no problem.

First, get yourself a notebook - preferably one with divider sections. Keep notes on everything and transfer important memos, such as deposits due and deadlines for decision-making, etc., to a calendar that you look at every day.

Make an appointment at each location that interests you. Each facility will have its own explicit set of rules pertaining to the use of the property. Most historic homes limit guest space to the first floor and grounds. And in many cases you will be required to provide a tent, regardless of what the weather reports promise for your wedding day.

Don't necessarily shy away from those places that insist on your using a caterer from their listings. At least you will be assured of contracting with a company that is familiar and comfortable with the working conditions of that particular property. And this saves you hours of phone calls and complicated guesswork.

Just make positively sure that you understand everything about the location you are considering for your wedding reception before going one step further. Will they allow the type of music you intend to have? Is smoking permitted anywhere on the grounds? Are food and drink restricted anywhere? If the facility limits your use to the first floor and grounds, make sure that your maximum number of guests will be comfortable indoors if it is raining on your wedding day. (The same applies to charter ships and yachts!) Is the facility air-conditioned? Is there good ventilation? And most important, do you have exclusive use of the property, or at least private use of a secluded area? Think carefully of all the questions that pertain to your wedding, and don't be afraid to ask them! Unlike the hotels in your area, these historical and specialty locations will be charging you a rental fee above and beyond all your other costs, so you must be perfectly content to follow their restrictions.

Caterers
Interview each caterer on your list. If the facility has no particular restrictions on whom you hire, you may still wish to get their suggestions on the best caterers they have worked with there.

Obtain all the menus you can, being sure to ask the following questions:
1. Is there a rental fee for equipment, above and beyond the cost of meals?
2. What is the condition and appearance of the equipment? Are ' the chafing trays plain or enhanced by a rococo design? (Plain
chafing trays will remind you of your high school cafeteria. The ones with a rococo design — that is, with scrolled embellishments on the legs and handle — are far more suitable for wedding banquets.)
3. Is real silver and glassware used?
4. What color table linen is provided? Are the napkins cloth or paper? Will the chairs be padded, or just regular folding chairs?
5. How many guests are seated comfortably per table?
6. What is the ratio of waitstaff to guests? What will the waitstaff's attire be?
7. Are all applicable taxes and gratuities included in the quoted prices? Are there any additional setup fees or charges?
8. When is the first deposit due, and how much is it? When and how must the balance be paid? (That is, can you pay by personal check or credit card, or must you get a certified bank check?)
9. What is the policy for overtime?
10. What is the cancellation policy? (Make sure you fully understand what happens to your deposit money!) Ask if you . can view the caterer's setup before the next scheduled party at that facility. You will want to be there approximately 40 minutes before the arrival of guests.

Bar Service
If the caterer provides bar service, get a printed list of all the possible ways you can host an open bar for part or all of your reception. Remember that "portable" bars are limited in stock space, so if you know of any preferences you or your guests may have, inquire about their availability now. You will also need a wedding toast, so get prices for wine and champagne.
You can also provide your own bar service (if the facility allows). It's not as difficult as you may think, and definitely saves' you money.

Ask the caterer if bartenders are available for hourly hire. If so, make sure that this includes all setups such as glasses, stirrers, bottle pourers, ice, fruit slices, etc. Most, if not all, caterers have bartender connections. But if the only way the caterer of your choice will provide you with a bartender is if they also provide the liquor service, don't give in just yet. If you know a bartender, either as a personal friend or by frequenting a favorite restaurant or club, begin there. Sooner or later the right person will show! (Just remember that if you provide your own bartender, ask that person for a list of all the basic bar supplies that will be needed.)
To calculate your bar stock provisions, estimate six drinks per person for an evening reception. Not everyone will consume six drinks, of course, but you will want to be fully prepared. Deal only with a liquor store that accepts returns on unopened bottles. You will need one full liter for every 20 drinks poured. The manager of the liquor store will most assuredly assist you with all your needs if you ask. Having a good idea of the "age groups" attending your wedding will also help the manager in making suggestions about what you may need. And don't forget any special request items! You will also need mixers, juices, and sodas for those who do not drink alcohol.
When ordering your champagne toast, figure each bottle to provide eight to ten toasts. For wine, just order a larger quantity of what you will be offering at your bar, or provide each guest table with one nice bottle of wine designated for the toast.

It will be an immense help to assign someone to take charge of the liquor arrangements. This person should bring all beverages to the site and be responsible for explaining to the bartender that bottles should be opened only as needed. Then, at the end of the evening, this volunteer should gather up all bottles, separating the opened and unopened ones into different boxes. Unopened beverages should be returned to the liquor store for credit. And the partially full bottles can go wherever you designate. (Perhaps your parents' house?)

It may sound like a lot of work. But it will save you approximately half a standard bar bill! And with such savings, you might see your way clear to host an open bar for your whole reception.

What to Do When the Stage Is Set But You Don't Have All the Players

Finding the Right Band or DJ
Music is so important. It sets the tone and pace of your reception as no other aspect of your wedding day can do. The room can be dazzling, the food spectacular. But if the band is boring, you may find your guests sneaking off not long after coffee.

Decide first what type of music you would like to hear. The best bands out there can appeal to any age group and are willing to learn special songs when given adequate time. DJs have a wealth of music at their fingertips. Now, it's true that DJs were once disdained as not being "good enough" for weddings. But since those early days of record spinning, disc jockeys have become much more sophisticated emcees. You can now choose with confidence.

Begin by asking friends and family if they have any recommendations based on your preferences. Be sure to inquire at the facility where your wedding reception is to be held, for they will have seen many bands and DJs over the course of time. Often these performers have supplied the facility with a video for prospective clients to view. Just be courteous in returning the tape promptly.

When calling any prospects, find out if you are speaking to the band leader/manager, DJ, or a representative of an agency. Mention who has referred you and ask if they're available on your day, date, and time, making note of your reception location. If you are speaking with an agency, be sure to give the name of the DJ, band, or bands that have been recommended to you.
If all is clear, proceed with the following questions:
1. What is the fee, and how many hours are included?
2. What instruments are played (bands only)?
3. How many members in the group? (If DJ: Does he or she bring an assistant?) How many sing? Is there a male and a female vocalist?
4. Roughly how many wedding receptions has this band or DJ emceed?
5. What would their attire be?
6. How many breaks will be taken? Will these breaks be coordinated with your reception activities? Will prerecorded music be played during breaks?
7. Is there a videocassette or audiocassette available for your consideration?
8. Will they learn any specific music if you supply the sheet music in ample time (bands only)?
9. What happens if the DJ or any member of the band becomes ill or has a personal emergency on your wedding day?
10. What is their policy and fee for possible overtime?
11. What deposit is required, and when is the final payment due?
12. What is the cancellation policy?
13. Where can the band or the DJ be seen performing live? Will this be a wedding reception or nightclub date?
14. Would it be possible to put a tentative hold on their services until you hear them, either by live performance or video?
Call as many bands or DJs as interest you, and do your utmost to make your final decision as soon as possible. After all, you don't want to lose the best music you heard to another bride. And if you're getting married at a popular time of year, it could very easily happen!
Just beware of hiring musicians that have never emceed a wedding. Oh, they might play the best dance music you've ever heard, but who is going to announce the bridal party into the reception? Who is going to tell the best man when to give the toast, or command respectful silence when your clergy gives the blessing? You may know when to come out to the floor for your first dance, but who is going to gather all the single ladies for the bouquet toss, or encourage all the other fun aspects of your wedding reception?
Choose wisely. But choose soon!

Photography and Videography
For anniversaries and special occasions in the years to come, your wedding pictures will help you relive the memories of the most special day of your life. They are a legacy of your love, to be passed down to future generations. They are not to be trusted to just any studio or freelancer.
If you aren't fortunate enough to have a friend or relative in the profession of taking pictures, you will have to determine who is best for your budget and your needs. A "production house" studio, or a freelance artist? Both have their pluses and minuses.

A commercial photography studio will most likely be able to accommodate your wedding needs even when you have called a mere three weeks in advance. Why? Because large studio outfits employ dozens of photographers. Every one of these photographers has been trained to work the "company way." They know exactly what kind of picture sells and what does not. This is good, in a way. Good, if you want a standard wedding album filled with standard wedding photos. You see, your studio photographer will easily lead you through the paces of your "bride gets ready" shots. He or she will take those tearjerkers of you with Mom and Dad (for any good photographer knows who really buys these pictures!). Every customary pose will be included. The only problem is that when a spontaneous moment happens — such as the ring bearer painting the flower girl's face with mashed potato—your studio guy may be down in the lounge watching the Yankees clobber the Sox.

This is not to say that every studio photographer is a robotic bore. I would never insinuate that any human being is not entitled to a work break. I'm just saying that unfortunately, some production studio photographers may not seem as involved in your wedding day as you might wish.

And what of the freelance artist? He or she may have some fantastic ideas for those anything-but-typical settings for your wedding photos. You may bring the freelancer along on your trips to the boutique for gown fittings. He or she may inspire you to dress quite early on your wedding day and take pictures with the groom on a hilltop against the sunrise (that is, if you aren't superstitious about being seen in your gown before the wedding). Most freelancers will consider any "Kodak moment" for an hourly fee. And then you'll receive all the film for developing. Great! Great, that is, until your independent artist encounters an unforeseeable crisis on your wedding day. Then where do you turn?

Wherever your heart and budget may lead you, thoroughly investigate any photographer and/or studio before signing that contract! Beware of those "frilly" photography plans whose brochures are filled with more fluffy adjectives like "dazzling" and "breathtaking" than the hard, cold facts, such as how much those extra prints are going to cost you. See sample portraits. And, most important, obtain in writing all costs and what they cover!

You will also want to know:
1. How long has this company or individual been in business? Approximately how many weddings has this particular photographer covered?
2. How many photographers and assistants will be at your wedding? How many cameras will they bring? What will their attire be?
3. How many hours will be involved? Will the photographer be at your home, the church or chapel, and the entire reception? (Remember that if you wish to keep the hall for extra hours you will need to know all costs and policies for keeping the photographer late, should you wish to do so.)
4. Approximately how many pictures will be taken in total?
5. If you are considering package plan prices, what are the costs for additional photos?
6. May you keep or purchase the proofs?
7. What happens if the photographer becomes ill or has a personal emergency on your wedding day?
8. What are deposit and cancellation policies?
If the studio offers videography and you are interested, many of the same questions apply. In addition, make sure that quality cameras and tape are being used. If the idea interests you, ask if you might be able to edit in some of your own footage, such as still photos of you and the groom, video from the bridal shower, rehearsal dinner, etc. You will need to know the hourly fee for this service, and whether or not you get to keep the raw footage.
A special note: If you are leaning towards a photography studio but feel in your heart that all of the pictures you will want just won't be taken, do not despair! Simply call friends and family that you know wouldn't mind taking candid photos for you on your wedding day and supply them either with the proper film for their cameras, or those "instant camera" packs. Assign one person to collect all of the film at the end of the wedding, and. voila! A million memories that just one photographer alone could never be expected to catch.
The same principle goes for any one of your family or friends who owns a camcorder. Professional videography may seem too expensive
with everything else you have to pay for. And members of the wedding can often get their fellow guests to "interview" a bit easier on film than a stranger can. Just make sure that the camcorder used during your ceremony can operate under low lighting (that is, if .photography of any kind is allowed at your house of worship).

Limousines and Other Enchanting Ways to Get You to the Church on Time
During the course of one particular wedding season, I worked with three brides who fell victim to a horrid scam. They each responded to an ad in their local Sunday paper which offered a white Seville stretch limo for three hours for the incredible price of $100.00. Each bride mailed off her check by the cutoff date requested. Each bride received a confirmation call. And then, each unfortunate bride went to her wedding in the family Toyota. Needless to say, the phantom limousine company disappeared in a rich cloud of smoke.

Call or visit only the reputable companies who appear in your local Yellow Pages. Get a printed list whenever possible of all cars offered, their seating capacities, and their rates. Some companies offer package plan prices for weddings, but get the hourly rates, as well, as they are sometimes less expensive. If you are thinking of hiring more than one vehicle on your wedding day, be sure to look into volume discounts. You will also want to know:
1. What is the driver's attire?
2. Is the driver's gratuity included in the fee? (Generally, it's 10%-15% of the total fee, if not included.)
3. Does the car have a TV? (Most grooms want to know this — especially grooms that get married during the World Series. Just humor him for now.)
4. Is champagne included? If not, and it appeals to you, what would the charge be?
5. What happens if the driver becomes ill or encounters a personal emergency on your wedding day?
Depending on where you live, there are other interesting forms of transportation also available to you. Some fully operating stables offer handsomely arrayed horse-drawn carriages. If you're considering an open coach, find out what's available to you if it rains. You can also check out the antique auto clubs in your area for some unique ways to get you to the church on time. (How about a string of midnight blue Model "A"s for you and the bridal party?) Just make sure that the car you travel in can accommodate you, your gown, and your handsome groom! •
Whatever "royal" transportation you decide on, be sure you understand all deposit, cancellation, and final payment policies before signing on the dotted line.

Having Your Cake (and Eating It, Too!)
Once upon a time it seemed that all wedding cakes were three-tiered, totally white concoctions with little silver "things" all over it. Not anymore. Today's bride may want white frosting, but the cake filling and decoration often reflects her own taste and personality.

Browse through Victorian books and magazines for the most fabulous cakes you have ever seen. (The prices may also be the most expensive you ever paid!) Whatever the case and whatever the source, have a good idea what you would like your wedding cake to look like before heading off to the local bakeries. Bringing a picture is especially helpful.

Don't worry if there is something in it that doesn't quite suit you. If the majority of the design is to your liking, you can explain to the bakery what you would like to change.

Ask to see sample pictures of the bakery's work. Some bakeries even have "mock up" cakes on display. Do these sample cakes measure up to the picture you brought with you? Or, if you don't have a photo, do they measure up to the quality you pictured in your mind?

Ask what fillings can be done if you want something other than white cake or vanilla, and note the prices of those that intrigue you. Then be sure to get all of the following information pertaining to your particular choice or choices:
1. Are all three tiers real? (Some of those very ornate cakes actually have false tiers to cut down on expenses. Now, if you want to save a great deal of money, some bakeries will rent you a fabulous "fake" creation which actually houses a sheet cake under the bottom or largest layer, which you may serve to your guests.)
2. Are the pillars and tier-dividers included in the price of the cake, or will they have to be returned to the bakery? (You will save a substantial amount of money if someone you know can return these items to the bakery for you.)
3. How much in advance of your wedding day will this cake be prepared?
4. Is there a delivery fee? If so, how much?
5. Does the bakery set up the cake at the reception site if the cake table is ready, or is the banquet staff expected to do this?
6. What happens if the cake is accidentally dropped during delivery or setup? (Note: If the bakery will claim responsibility only if they themselves do the setup, you must make sure that the reception site knows to have the cake table in place, fully clothed and skirted by the stated delivery time.)
7. Is it possible to sample the filling and frosting?
8. Is it possible to see the cake of your choice set up at a local banquet facility prior to the guests' arrival?
As with all services, know what the deposit, cancellation, and final payment procedures are. And if at all possible, use your credit card. If the bakery does not come through as promised, you may have some recourse through your credit card company.