Now we women are not going to kid ourselves. Prom the moment our hearts knew we were with the men of our dreams, we secretly began to plan our weddings. We've thumbed through endless bridal magazines for that oh-so-perfect dress, and we've envisioned just which of our childhood friends and family would stand witness to our oh-so-perfect day. But now the truth of it all is staring you in the face. These dreams are going to cost money.
Who Pays For What?
Back in the days of Father Knows Best, father paid for almost every aspect of his darling daughter's wedding. But in these modern and somewhat economically strained times, wedding costs are now very often covered by three "teams" — you and your fiance, your parents, and your fiance's i parents. For the sake of tradition, here is what is normally covered and by whom:
The Bride's Family
* Announcements and invitations
* The wedding gown and related accessories
* Trousseau
* The bridesmaids' luncheon or social party
* Photography
* Rentals and related fees for the church or ceremony site
* Clergy's fees
* Musicians and vocalists at the ceremony
* Flowers for the ceremony and reception sites
* Flowers for the bridesmaids and boutonnières for the ushers
* Corsages for the mothers and grandmothers
* Limousine transportation
* All aspects of the reception: food, beverages, flowers, entertainment, rentals, gratuities, and all related costs
* The groom's wedding ring
* Gifts for the bridesmaids
* Hotel accommodations for out-of-town bridesmaids
The Groom's Family
* The rehearsal dinner
* The marriage license
* The bride's engagement and wedding ring
* The bride's flowers
* Gifts for the best man and ushers
* Hotel accommodations for out-of-town groomsmen
* Wedding night suite for the bride and groom
* The honeymoon
Once again, this is just a guideline. You will know best what pertains to your particular family situation. Are either your parents or your fiance's parents divorced? Are either of you devoted to a stepparent? Traditionally, your natural parents act as hosts on your wedding day, but only you and your fiance can dictate what is easiest in your case and will make everyone — or almost everyone — happy.
My personal suggestion is that you and your fiance should privately discuss the type of wedding you both would like to have. Then bring these ideas to your parents. Anyone you allow to make a major financial contribution should have some say in the festivities. So now is the time to either learn compromise or do without your parents' money for your wedding. The choice is yours.
The first step in knowing how much your wedding will cost involves estimating how many guests will be invited.
When each set of parents makes a financial contribution equal to yours, the total number of allotted guests should be divided by three. In this way, any team wishing to invite more than their allotted number of guests would simply pay the additional costs. This is by far the fairest method. But for now, each team should make a complete list of everyone they would like to invite. You and your fiance, your parents, and his parents should all sit down and independently make a list. Don't leave out your favorite cousin Cathy just because you think your parents are going to list her. And if a friend or relative is single and unattached, write "and guest" next to that person's name. For one, things can change. And two, every wedding guest list grows larger as the day draws near. It's better to know now what that full list is going to cost you.
Next, alphabetize your lists and compare. Once you have deleted any duplications, you will have a good idea of the maximum number of people to quote when pricing out your reception costs.
Don't worry if the number on one list greatly outweighs the others. These things have a tendency of working themselves out in the long run.
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