Detailing Your Wedding Day

Your Ceremony
Well in advance of your wedding day, you will want to perfect the details of your wedding vows. Understand from your officiant all the dos and don'ts. May poetry be read? (If so, make sure that your clergy has adequate time to approve your selections.) Would a vocalist be permitted to sing secular music? Get a listing of all the traditional, accepted, and sometimes demanded choices available for readings and music and make your selections early.

Select music that best suits the musician(s) you plan to have. And read your contract carefully. Due to the costly value of musical instruments, some performers reserve the right not to play in severe changes of humidity. If you are hiring a vocalist, he or she should be able to provide you with a list of material they perform best. If you have a different song or two in mind, check with your church for approval first, and then contact the vocalist.

Assign readings. And have "back-up" people ready just in case. The speakers will appreciate the ability to become familiar with their readings in advance.

Your Reception and All its Trimmings

Your Receiving Line
To save time, the best moment to receive your guests is directly after the ceremony. A hundred or so guests will easily flow by in 25 minutes. If you wait until the reception — particularly after everyone has had a drink or two — you can count on it taking roughly 45 minutes per every 125 guests! This can result in a lot of wasted "party" time!

You will have to ask your house of worship if you can conduct your receiving line right after the ceremony. You may be denied your request is if a service or another wedding immediately follows yours. The best location for your receiving line would be the front walkway. But if there is not adequate space — or the weather fails you — you can always set yourselves up in the entrance foyer. Ushers could be asked to direct the guests accordingly.

Who is in the receiving line? This is entirely up to you. My suggestion for a perfect gathering would be, in order: your father, your mother, the groom's mother, the groom's father, the best man, the bride and groom, and last but never least, the maid or matron of honor. If the groom's parents are primarily hosting the wedding, they would simply change places with your parents. And of course, if there is any difficulty of divorce with your parents, you will want to alter this accordingly. Definitely include grandparents if they are willing and able. It's a wonderful moment for them.

Including all of the bridesmaids and ushers can be time consuming. Instead, ask a bridesmaid and usher to stand a few feet away from the end of the receiving line and hand out maps to the reception site. (Use more of the bridal party if your guest count is over 200, or if the directions need some explaining.) Other members of the bridal party can be assigned important jobs. Remember the altar flowers (if they're yours to take). Someone can check the pews for forgotten purses, etc. And ushers can make sure that cars are starting and people are safely on their way.

Your Reception
Your banquet coordinator has probably informed you that approximately a month or so before the wedding you should get together and discuss the details of your reception. The timing is right for the most part, for it is only closer to your wedding day that you will know how many guests are coming. But in order to have your day go your way, you will have to do some planning and thinking in advance of this appointment. Don't let such important decisions wait until the last minute when you're so overwhelmed by everything you end up not caring what goes on.
The following is an outline of wedding day events. Now these are only descriptions and suggestions. By reading through this together with your fiance, you will be better able to finalize your special day when the time comes, fully confident and hassle free!

Your Arrival
The very first thing you will need to let your reception coordinator know is the exact length of your ceremony. Make sure to add time for the receiving line if it is to be held at the ceremony site.

Will the bridal party be pausing en route for pictures at an outdoor location? Let your coordinator know. You also should have contacted your photographer and limousine driver with all the pertinent information.

Next, you will need to let your coordinator know when you expect the bridal party to arrive at the reception. Your on-site host or hostess will want to be on hand to greet you! Will additional formal pictures be taken at the reception site? If so, you will want to settle the following questions:
1. Forty-five minutes to one hour is generally devoted to taking formal portraits. If you are stopping on the way from the church to the reception for pictures, estimate how much additional time, if any, you might wish to have at the reception site for more pictures.
2. If formal pictures are being taken at the reception site, ask if a waiter or waitress will be available to take drink orders in the picture room. Will you be paying for these drinks, or will individuals be responsible for their own charges?
3. If a full hour of pictures is scheduled at the reception site with a receiving line to follow, you may wish to provide your bridal party with a small hors d'oeuvres tray. Select neat, easy-to-eat finger food, such as cheese and crackers and raw vegetables.

If any of your family or friends not in the bridal party have offered to take pictures for you, tell them to come to the picture room with camera ready. A polite professional photographer will always step out of the way after every formal grouping and allow a few moments for others to take pictures.
Your Guests' Arrival You can't leave your guests stranded during formal pictures.

The bar at your reception site should be set to serve guests approximately 15 minutes after the close of your ceremony. The following also applies:
1. Decide how you wish your bar to be handled. Will it be open bar, cash bar, or a combination of both? (That is, for example, open bar for the first hour, then cash.)
2. Will you need hors d'oeuvres? This depends on the time of day, what kind of meal you're serving, and if more than the first hour and a half of the reception is devoted to formal portraits followed-by a receiving line. If a full dinner is being served, you will need to provide only about four pieces per person. Decide what offerings intrigue you, and place your order approximately two weeks before the wedding, when your guest count dictates your need.

A lovely hors d'oeuvres idea is a cheese, vegetable, and fruit table centrally placed on the dance floor. This arrangement requires no cumbersome chafing dishes or trays. The food is instead colorfully arrayed on different levels, which are created by placing support bases of various heights under the tablecloth. The effect is like a sumptuous still life oil painting! The table is then moved off the dance floor when it is time to announce the bridal party.

It's a very sad fact, but some dishonest hotels and banquet facilities make money by serving only half the food that has been ordered. And wedding reception hors d'oeuvres are an easy money maker. The reason is simple. Typically, the people who have placed the order —• you or your parents — are usually preoccupied in the picture room when hors d'oeuvres are being served and don't notice. But you should. Ask someone who is not in the bridal party to keep an eye on things for you. Make him or her aware of exactly what you have contracted to serve. Keep honest people honest, and have the satisfaction of knowing that what you ordered was actually brought out to your guests.

Guest Comforts
Do any of your guests need special attention? For example, if your function facility has a separate entrance for handicapped guests, be sure to indicate your need for this service. Any dietary problems? Does someone need to bring medication that must be refrigerated? Whatever the case, make sure the facility knows all about it.

Your Announcement Into the Room
After formal pictures, the bridal party is announced into the room. However, if you prefer to do without the fanfare, a quiet group arrival during the cocktail hour is quite acceptable. When the receiving line has been completed, the bridal party simply walks in procession to its place at the head table.

You may design the seating of the head table in any way that suits you. There are no rules to follow. It is merely suggested that the bride and groom occupy the center seats. You can have parents with you, or seat them at the tables of prominence (numbers one and two). You may also include clergy at the head table, or with your parents. You can have all women on one side with the men on the other, or seat them as couples. Whatever pleases you.

The announcement of the bridal party usually begins with both sets of parents. If this is uncomfortable.for anyone because of separation or divorce, alter it accordingly. There are a million suggestions for a million different situations, but I'd like to offer one thought. If your mother has no one to escort her into the room, an usher — particularly one who is a son, relative, or a good family friend — can enter the room with her, and then return to the line and enter once again with a bridesmaid. Just do what is best for everyone involved.

If you have very young children acting as flower girl and ring bearer in your bridal party, and wish to include them in the announcements, you will need to position their "call" in the easiest manner possible. It is recommended that a relative or parent of each child be standing in the function room as a "goal post" (if the dance floor is central to the room's entrance, have that person stand there) and instruct the children to walk towards them. Announcing small children right after the parents is typically best.

The bridesmaids and ushers are next. The easiest way to call them in is by their seating at the head table, working from the outside to the center. But this is also up to you.

Next follows the maid or matron of honor with the best man. And then — take a deep breath — this will probably be the first time you'll hear yourself called "Mr. and Mrs." over a microphone! Your band leader or DJ should have supplied you with a form to fill out for your wedding day information. If you are dealing with a package plan facility, your reception coordinator might do this for you at your appointment to finalize details. Whatever the case, be sure that difficult-to-pronounce names are written out phonetically for the ease of the emcee when announcing the bridal party. If you were unable or unwilling to conduct your receiving line at the church, now is the best time to have it.

Your on-site coordinator should be on hand to direct the incoming bridal party to where they should stand. Those members of the bridal party not in the receiving line should simply be instructed to walk behind the head table and pause there until the receiving line begins.

The band or DJ is then instructed to announce that the bridal party is ready to receive guests and call up by table number the tables closest to the host of the receiving line, and so on until all tables have gone through. The on-site coordinator will most likely step forward and assist the first table to the receiving line.

As I mentioned, a receiving line that occurs during a reception always takes longer than one held immediately after the ceremony. After a few drinks, guests always seem to want to tell you their firsthand impressions of your wedding. (It's like being at work the morning after a violent thunderstorm. Everyone has a "where they were" story!) If you find anyone lagging, politely interrupt them with a greeting to the person directly behind them and keep the line moving. Every minute of a receiving line during a reception represents one less minute of dancing!

During the receiving line, the best man usually collects all gift envelopes. Provide one of those satin drawstring bags, or some other means of holding these money envelopes. Your on-site coordinator should be on hand to take any large boxed gifts to the gift table, but if he or she is busy with other duties, ask a bridesmaid or usher not involved in the receiving line to do this for you. Any money envelopes found on the gift table should be brought directly to the best man. Don't remove the regular card envelopes from gift boxes, however. You will have difficulty later trying to figure out who sent what!

The Blessing and the Toast
After the receiving line, the bridal party is escorted to the head table. The best man (or whoever was asked to collect them) brings the gift envelopes with him to the head table for safekeeping. Everyone is asked to stand. Your clergy is then asked to give the blessing. Be sure to have a back-up person if your clergy cannot attend. If there is no one in your family or close friends who wishes to speak publicly, your band or DJ can give a general blessing.

Everyone is then asked to remain standing except the bride and groom. The best man then gives his toast, and the meal begins. Before going to your appointment with your coordinator, have a good idea what you would like to have for your toast and your meal. the groom and best man to the sate-deposit box where your girt envelopes will be locked away. Both the best man and groom should sign the authorization lines. The best man generally holds the key, in case more gift envelopes are presented. Each time he makes a deposit to the safe, he will be asked to sign in and out. At the end of the night, the key is given to the groom. Your coordinator will probably warn you that there is only one key. If it is lost, you will have to pay a locksmith's fee to get the box open. So be careful!

Your First Dance
After the first course of your wedding dinner, I suggest that you and the groom come to the floor for your first dance. Try not to wait until the meal is over, because traditionally no one is supposed to get up and dance before the bride and groom do. With this in mind, if you really prefer to wait, or to cancel the ritual altogether, have your band or DJ announce that both of you (by name) invite everyone to the dance floor at any time. Keep in mind that if you and the groom are nervous about dancing alone, the band or DJ can be instructed to call up the rest of the bridal party to join you as early on as you wish! In between courses is the best time to conduct the special events of your reception. During these times, you will have everyone's attention. And it gives people something to do during the clearing and serving of plates.

Parents' Dances
If you are dancing with your father and/or the groom is dancing with his mother, this can be done in between courses. For example, you have your first dance after the soup course, and parents' dances after the salad course. If the traditional numbers don't appeal to you ("Daddy's Little Girl" for you and your father and "Sunrise Sunset" for the groom and his mother) select songs that hold special meaning for you.

The dollar dance
This is an opportunity for your male guests to share the dance floor with the bride for cash (something like a kissing booth at a fair). Each gentleman hands you a bill which you hold between your fingers. It's not so common a custom these days, but really is harmless fun, all the same.

Special Guest Dances
Make note to inform your coordinator of any special anniversary dances or birthdays that you would like the band or DJ to celebrate. If you are dealing with package plan entertainment, your coordinator will need to list this on his or her activities sheet, if you haven't already contacted the band or DJ on your own and confirmed these special request songs!

"The Bride Cuts the Cake"
If the wedding cake is to be served with dessert, you will need to have your cake-cutting ceremony just after the main course. Don't worry if you despise the silly song and all the fanfare. If you like, the band or DJ can announce that anyone who wishes to take pic-tures of the bride and groom cutting the cake can proceed to the cake table. Then your on-site coordinator and professional photographer will quietly guide you through the steps. No song. No smooshing cake in each other's faces. (Or be a sly one and smoosh anyway!)

Awarding Table Centerpieces
Unless you have someone special in mind to whom you'd like to give the centerpiece at each table, your band or DJ can create a "game" competition for the centerpieces. The most common asks one person at each table to take out a dollar bill. That dollar bill is then passed around the table until the music stops. Then, the band announces that the person holding the dollar keeps it, and the original donor ot tne Dili gets me centerpiece. But if many of your guests have been to weddings, they'll know this one.

Be creative. You can even somewhat "prearrange" your winners if you wish. Let's say you'd really love your grandmother to have a centerpiece. Have the band announce that the oldest person at her table number wins the centerpiece (if that is the case). Go by the birthday closest to your wedding day. Have a "sing the next line of the song" contest. This is accomplished by the lead singer going from table to table with a wireless microphone. He or she sings a song up to a certain point and then surprises one of the guests at each table with the chance to go on with the song. Be crafty. For example, do you and "the girls"' from work have a bowling night? Award that centerpiece to "the worst bowler at table number ten." In other words, make it fun and involve your guests!

The Bouquet and Garter Toss
If you and your groom intend to leave the reception before the majority of guests, you will need to coordinate the last hour of your reception to include the bouquet and garter toss, enough time for you and your groom to change into your "going away" clothes, sit for some formal portraits, and return to the ballroom for your final dance.

But if you are not leaving the reception before the guests, the bouquet and garter toss can be done at any time. Often it is best to just mingle, circulate, and dance after dinner. The bouquet and garter toss is always more fun towards the end of the evening, anyway. Just don't wait too long. You will want to have this fun while the band or DJ and photographer are still there, not to mention a good number of guests!)

Keeping the Hall Late
A five-hour wedding reception can fly by like five minutes. With all the planning and hopes you've had for this day, why not keep the party going?
The band or other musicians can be booked for additional hours or a DJ can be brought in for a change of pace. Another possible suggestion would be to book a DJ or singer with karaoke hook-up. Karaoke can be great fun when everyone has had a drink or two and is willing to "give it a try." You will, however, want dance music, too. Of course any arrangement for entertainment should have been made well in advance of that day!

Get all the formal pictures you need before the photographer leaves Most brides don't feel like surrendering their wedding gowns just yet so the final shot in your going-away clothes may not seem all that important to you.
Holding the hall for extra hours gives you another option I have not as yet pointed out. If between you and the groom, you have a lot of casual friends you just couldn't afford to invite for the full meal, etc., you can now invite them for a special evening celebration of your marriage.

You may want to consider holding an open bar for any or all of these additional hours. But don't, if you are concerned about the people who have been drinking for the last 5 hours who might be staying. One possibility is to give your newly arriving guests "drink tickets." But for those new guests, as well as those who will be staying and may need some help sobering up, some delectables would be a good idea.

Suggestions for Late-Night Food and Beverage Service
A deli buffet is a great idea. People can make a sandwich, a salad, or a meat platter — Whatever they wish. Sweet tables with coffee service are also nice. Depending on your taste and budget, arrange an offering that best suit your needs.

Your Last Dance
This is when your guests form a circle around the bride and groom, and smile and cry as you join together for the last dance of the evening. A good guide to selecting what should be your first dance and what should be your last is to consider how they will be performed. If a band opens your reception, pick the song they can easily do. (In other words, it takes a terribly talented vocalist to match the depth and dynamics of a Whitney Houston or a Mariah Carey!) And if a DJ closes for you, he or she has the true artist's rendition of your special song, complete with full orchestration. But of course, there's no reason not to repeat the same song for your first and last dance, especially when it's one that means so very much to you.
Aside from the events outlined here, you may also have some wonderful ideas based on the traditions of your family's heritage. By all means, incorporate these family traditions, but be sure to let the proper service professionals at your wedding know well in advance what they will need to do.

Yes, this is the time to plan, to design, and to dream. The days ahead will be happier ones if you meet them fully organized!