Every couple has a tiff or two before the wedding. With all the fuss and planning,and excitement and expenses, it's almost expected. But if you can see through the smoke of emotional stress and sense danger in your future, take a long, hard look at things and talk to each other until there is no talking left to do.
You may find (with a surprising sense of relief) that you are better off apart.
Then what happens? Contact your coordinator and all the other professional service people that you are contracted with for your wedding. (If you can't handle it, ask your maid or matron of honor, or some other trusted, well-spoken friend or family member, to do it for you.) Expect to lose all your deposit funds. If you and your "ex" can communicate like adults, you may wish to split the burden equally. For example, if you or your family put down all the deposit money, your "ex" should reimburse the proper person or persons for half the total.
Look into the "recall" notices available to you through your local printer if you have the time for printing and mailing. If not, gather your bridal party and start calling your guests. Determine what you want said. Don't be embarrassed to let people know that the wedding is off due to mutual consent. Let the knowledge that you are saving yourself from a future of hurt and pain be your shield. Return all wedding gifts. You might want to include a brief note of thanks for the donor's concern and understanding. Assure them that you are doing just fine. And then get on with your life.
But what if your fiance wants to break things off for no apparent reason? This is one of the most emotionally difficult ordeals you will ever have to face in your life. And it can be worse when you didn't see it coming.
Some men are just afraid of marriage. Although this may, in some cases, be a good reason not to get married, it is no excuse for being rude, and certainly not a good excuse for canceling a wedding that has already been planned. And your fiance is even more of a coward if he waits until the last minute to let you know.
Everyone reacts to shock and pain differently. But if I may, I would like to point out something I've seen from experience. The. ladies in your wedding party will undoubtedly feel almost as shocked as you do. But they will not know what to say to you until you indicate''that it-is okay to talk about it. Their silence is only out of respect for your feelings. As soon as you are ready, gather them up and go out together. It will most likely be a therapeutic evening for you. Complain; Laugh. Cry. It's the beginning of recovery.
From this side of the page, I can't tell you if the marriage is worth fighting for. Only you know for sure. But never let your pride be your sole warrior (although sometimes that's easier said than done). If the trust has gone out of your relationship, you have nothing to build on, so don't try. When a man cannot give you one good solid reason why he has decided against marrying you, there is no communication. And trust and communication are fundamental to a lifetime of happiness between two people. If it is you who solely and truly feels that the wedding should not go on, know your reasons, state them frankly and clearly, and face the consequences of your decision like an adult. It is only fair.
As I mentioned, you, or someone close to you, should contact all the service people or industries involved with your wedding. If your decision to split has occurred early on, you may be able to recover some of your deposit funds. Given enough notice, your banquet hall, band, photographer, etc. may very easily replace your booking. And should this happen, it is not unreasonable to expect some if not almost all of your money back. (It's fair to lose a small percentage of your money towards a service fee.) One way or the other, it doesn't hurt to ask.
If recall notices can safely be sent to your guests, do so. If it was your fiance's sole decision to end the engagement, request from either him or his family full payment for printing and postage, as well as any deposit funds you could not recover. If you are met with opposition, let it go. It's not worth making yourself sick.
If lack of time necessitates phone calls, once again decide who will do the calling and what should be said. Return all gifts and include that brief note, if you can. Assure the ones who love you that you will be fine. Because you will!
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