There are many options available to you when you are deciding what your name is going to be after the wedding. Your choice will depend on your and your husband’s preferences and what option will work best for you both socially and professionally.
The most popular option is to take your husband’s last name as your own. This is the social norm, and many women find this to be the easiest arrangement since many people make the assumption before the wedding that that will be your name. Many brides feel happy to share the same name with their husband, though it takes some time to get used to. Though some women may view taking the husband’s name as a submissive gesture, the modern-day view is that the two of you are sharing a last name, like you will be sharing anything else after marriage. When choosing to elect this option, understand that there are many legal documents that will have to be changed, such as your social security card, driver’s license, passport, and the like.
If you feel attached to your own last name, you may choose to keep your maiden name, even after you are married. In this case you will not have to go through the legal documents required to change your name. You will have to get used to correcting people when they first assume that your name is the same as your husband’s, but as long as you do it nicely and with humor you probably won’t have any bad situations with this. Be prepared to learn quickly to write real small when filling out joint paperwork. Also, you may have to prove that you are married for transactions such as when you are getting a mortgage or renting a moving van. Be sure to have copies of your marriage license on hand.
There are some compromises available between these two extremes. For example, you may choose to hyphenate your last name with your husband’s last name. Protocol dictates that your last name would precede your husband’s last name in the hyphenated version. As you would if you were changing your last name to his, you would have to complete all the pertinent legal documents as you would if you took your husband’s last name completely. This is a good compromise if you still want your name heard but also want to gain an identity with your new marriage. A variation of this option is to change your middle name to your maiden name.
Another variation would be to keep your maiden name legally and use your husband’s last name socially. In this case, you would not need to go through any legal documents to change your name. This is a good option if you have established yourself professionally and do not want to cause any confusion in the workplace. Beware that if you try to legally change your name to your husband’s and try to keep your maiden name at work, you may run into some issues, particularly with the payroll department, since many times they will have to issue paychecks in your legal name. There are far fewer important documents in your social life, so there will be fewer opportunities for confusion if you keep your maiden name legally and use your husband’s name socially. Just keep in mind that the disadvantage with this option is that it can become complicated in terms of the array of names that will be used to describe you.
You and your husband could invent a “new” last name together. For example, if you are Johnson and he is Klein you could create the last name Kleinson. If both of you would like a new identity to start with, this is a viable option. Another option, if your husband is willing, is for him to take your name. In this instance your husband would go through the legal name change process rather than you.
There are many options available to you. Keep in mind that whatever you first decide, you can always change later if you don’t feel comfortable with it. Be sure to give it time and see how comfortable you feel with your name change arrangement.
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