Congratulations on your engagement or marriage. Did you see “When Harry Met Sally…”? Remember the scene where Jess wants to keep the wagon wheel coffee table and Marie tells him no way? And then Harry tells them about how he and Helen started out, picking out this, getting that and how eventually Jess and Marie would end up in court battling over that yard sale, wagon wheel coffee table? Well, unfortunately, it’s true. While I don’t wish you ill of your engagement or wedding and I sincerely wish you all the best, reality is a yucky thing. And not all marriages make it. This is the reality check of what you should do to protect things you own now from not getting caught up in the messy business of marital chattel later.
If you are both a little older and more established, chances are you both have households already set up and are going to have to either pare them down a little or find a place large enough to accommodate all you have. If you are just starting out from Mom’s house, you may not have much, but you may have heirlooms passed to you. To this end, it is necessary, even as the two of you are about to “become one”, to maintain what belongs to you and what belongs to him/her. Since checklists are always a hit with a bride/groom who can’t tell you what day it is, maybe this will help:
1) Do you have your own checking/savings/credit card/money markets/investments? Do you want to share these items? If you wish to maintain your own accounts, set up separate accounts in both of your names for household use (paying bills, buying groceries, mutual home purchases, etc.).
2) As unromantic as they are, pre-nuptial agreements aren’t all that bad. The rich and famous (where most marriages rarely outlast milk) are not the only ones who feel a need for these anymore. This document can help to determine that the silver service that has been in the family for three generations doesn’t get lost in a court battle. It could even let you two walk away friends instead of bitter enemies over that one piece of crystal or that framed print. While he/she may not really want the silver service, the crystal or the framed print, divorce can be an ugly thing and make people do things they would not normally do. If one of you has a business that has been in the family for years, a pre-marital agreement can keep the other spouse from laying any claim to it during a court proceeding. Protect your investments or family heirlooms BEFORE you walk down that aisle.
3) If you had a savings account set aside and earmarked for that favorite niece, you need to protect it. Under most state and federal laws, if something happens to you while you are still married, your spouse stands to inherit anything and everything you had. While no one wants to think that he/she would not let little Cindy have the savings for college, it would be a wise thing to restructure the account to include one of her parents or other relative and remove yourself. You can still contribute to the account if you wish, but this puts the account out of your estate. Do this for any account or for anything that you don’t want to become a marital issue later.
No one goes into a marriage thinking about divorce. Well, at least most of us anyway. But the statistics are against every couple since 1 out of every 2 marriages will end in divorce. Pretty sobering fact. While it is great to be in love and looking forward to the future and hoping for “happily ever after”, it is always a good idea to have a “legal checkup”. Make an appointment with your attorney to make sure that all of your financial and legal affairs are in order and protected against “what ifs”. Discuss whether a pre-marital agreement is necessary. This kind of peace of mind is probably worth more than that silver service.
I wish you many years of happiness and wishes that you don’t become a statistic.
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