Monday, April 28, 2008

Ask the Newlyweds: Keep Your Social Life After The Wedding

The wedding is over and you’ve started settling into your marriage. You’ve probably had to adjust to new social circumstances, as well. You have to make time for your husband, for your family, his family, your friends, and most importantly, you!

In fact, some psychologists say that a healthy marriage requires you to have balanced time with your husband, time with your kids/family, time with your friends, and time for yourself.

Don’t let go of your friendships

Perhaps in your past single life, your friends were your “adopted” family. But, now you have moved on to start a new family with your husband. Remember that you have worked to maintain your friendships for many years. Don’t let your marriage cause you to let those friendships go.

§ Keep your once a week dinner date with your best friend.

§ If you and your girlfriends like to hit the nightclubs, schedule one night out per month to go out dancing.

§ Use those kitchenware gifts from the wedding to host a dinner party with your gal pals. Make it more fun and turn it into a sleepover.

§ Your married friends will be thrilled that you finally made it down the aisle. You are finally in their “circle”. Conquer two-in-one and join your hubby and another couple for a night out.

What about “the singles”?

Now you’ve joined “the marrieds”, and you’ve left “the singles”. It can be a tough transition, especially if many of your friends are still single. Each one of us “marrieds” has a friend that can never seem to find the right guy. You have spent countless hours wallowing with her in the same predicament. Don’t forget that! Try to be sympathetic to your single friends. Listen to them and try not to focus the conversation on your great guy. And, maybe check with hubby to see if he has any friends up for a blind date!

What about the non-accepting singles?

When I got engaged to my husband, one of my best friends turned on me. She constantly reminded me how I was a traitor by settling down. She grew very resentful, though I hadn’t changed anything in our friendship. Not to mention the cruel ways she treated my husband—but I won’t go into that here!

To be understanding of your friends’ feelings is one thing, but to accept unnecessary and inappropriate treatment is another. You are NOT a traitor for choosing to get married. Don’t fall into that trap. One or a few of your friends may just refuse to accept the (exciting!) changes in your life. With your engagement and marriage, you are being “forced” to move on to a new adventure in your life. If your friends cannot accept the move, or move with you, they may have to stay behind.

I left this friend behind, and it was the right decision. Although we were once good friends, I realized she would never be able to respect my relationship with my husband.

Accept that your social life will slow down

Days of staying out till all hours at a club and spending a few more hours at Denny’s are probably over. You’ve traded that in for sharing a pot of coffee and the paper with your husband early Sunday morning. You may even enjoy that more!

Allowing your social life to slow down may be easy. Allowing it to stop may be easier. However, remember your friends and family, and keep up the effort to include them in your new married life.

-- Heather A, Minneapolis, MN

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