You long ago agreed to take part in your friends’ special day by being an attendant. Planning has been underway for quite some time, and now, suddenly, something else has come up. If you’re having difficulty deciding which event to choose, don’t stress. Your situation is common and can be resolved.
In making this decision, you must first step back and look at the scenario from a neutral, third party point of view. Analyze both options completely. What is your relationship to the bride and groom? If you’ve only just gotten to know them and aren’t very close at all, it may alleviate some of the pressure you’re feeling to realize this. If you were best friends in second grade and made a pact to be each other’s maids of honor, but haven’t kept in touch for the past six years, maybe you should reconsider. The surprise event may be something that is once-in-a-lifetime, and should not be passed up. If you’ve dreamed your whole life of touring Europe with your singing group and are now being given the chance, your friend may understand. Rate the strength of the relationship, determine the importance or significance of the other event, and the right choice should be made more obvious. It is very important that, at this point, you do not allow yourself to justify your decision with “but I feel guilty,” or “I don’t want to upset them!” Your judgment will be clouded and your final choice swayed.
Still can’t make a decision? Maybe you should go straight to the bride and groom and explain your situation to them. They may be relieved to hear that you’re thinking of stepping down—perhaps they needed to cut back on budget, or maybe an attendant from the other side needs cut as well. Even if they are upset about it, they will certainly appreciate your coming to them for their opinions, and most will understand.
If you’ve decided that your loyalty to the bride and groom must come first, then by all means, cancel the other event. However, if you’ve selected to step down, for whatever reason, you’ve got to let the bride and groom know as soon as possible. They need to make arrangements, and it’s only fair that they be given as much time as possible to do so. Instead of writing an e-mail or calling, it would be best to tell them in person. News, both good and bad, usually is better received when the deliverer is present. As long as you carefully consider the pros and cons of your choice, it should be easy to present your case to them, and they should be able to see things from your perspective.
If there is any way that you can still make it to the wedding, perhaps you just can’t commit to the rehearsals, or can’t afford it, the bride and groom will more than likely just be happy to share their day with you. Otherwise, perhaps you can plan a nice dinner with them upon your return.
Having to cancel your participation in someone’s wedding is a difficult choice to make, and so must be reflected upon greatly. Stress can be avoided by looking clearly at the situation and thinking it through logically.
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