When Your Bridesmaid/Maid/Matron of Honor Is Expecting

First things first—congratulate the Mom-to-be!! This is a remarkable time in her life. A bridesmaid/MOH becoming pregnant need not keep them from being a participant in your wedding party. Think about why you asked her to be in the wedding party to begin with, and remember that none of this changes with pregnancy. Now think about the changes you might need to make in order to have her in the wedding party. Hopefully the “pros” will outweigh the “cons” and you will keep her in!


When is she Due?

How much her pregnancy will affect her Bridesmaid/MOH duties will depend in large on how far along she is in the pregnancy. Here are some stats from pregnancy week by week guide:

A Mom giving Birth to a SINGLE baby will gain on average:

Underweight Mom: 30 – 40 lbs.

Normal Mom: 25 – 35 lbs.

Overweight Mom: 15 – 25 lbs.



Morning sickness starts setting in around week 5, and should lessen significantly by the beginning of the second trimester. The second trimester is often the most comfortable for the mother-to-be. At the half-way point she might be starting to show. At week 28, StorkNet says, “Welcome to the third trimester ~ the period of leg cramps, hemorrhoids, varicose veins, itchy skin, aches and pains, swelling, heartburn, indigestion and . . . your baby's arrival!” As you can guess, this is a not-so-comfortable time for your Bridesmaid/MOH. Also, she may have to use the restroom very frequently. The whole pregnancy usually takes around 40 weeks from the last day of her last pre-pregnancy menstrual cycle.


Some Practical Considerations

~Flat shoes. If you have your heart set on all your party wearing matching stilettos, she may not be able to participate. As the pregnancy progresses, the baby will get heavier and cause her back and legs to ache more (especially during the third trimester). Offering her the option to wear flats, or even “ballet style” slippers would probably be a welcome suggestion.

~Picking a forgiving dress. Although being pregnant is a beautiful and natural experience, it often takes a toll on a woman’s self-esteem. Help out your Bridesmaid/MOH by picking a forgiving style of dress. You can do this several ways.

• Try to find an appropriate maternity style that will go with what you are doing for the rest of the bridal party.
  
  
• Go with a dress by a regular dressmaker, but request a few yards of extra fabric (most dressmakers will do this for a reasonable cost). Make sure you request the fabric at the same time as the dresses to match the dye lots. Also, make sure you have a REALLY GOOD seamstress lined up who has experience adding material to dresses.
  
  
• If your Bridesmaid/MOH is a smaller size, order the dress as large as you anticipate she will get and then have it altered down. This can be expensive however, and again you will need an experienced seamstress to do the alterations. If you choose this method, wait as long as possible to get the dress as close as you can to her actual wedding-day size.
  

~She may not be able to attend all wedding functions. Standing on her feet for long periods of time, away from bathroom access may be impossible for a mom-to-be. Places that are smoky, or restaurants full of potentially nauseating food smells may also be a bad idea.


Most IMPORTANTLY, Be Understanding

If you offer her the alternatives, and she still declines or backs out, be understanding. Having a baby is expensive, life-altering, and all-consuming. She may really not have the money for the dress, shoes, jewelry, hairdo, gloves, bridal shower, and bachelorette party now that she knows of the new arrival. She may not feel comfortable standing in front of a room full of people wearing a lilac dress, feeling larger than life. But do not take it personally. Your understanding attitude (whether she participates or not) will always stand out in her memory as a great kindness at an important time in her life.