Although the proposal may have brought on exciting emotions, don’t be too quick to choose your attendants. It is important to use your head, as well as your heart.
CHARACTERISTICS TO START WITH
Maid of Honor
Choose someone who has given you strength during your rough times. Although planning is fun, it is stressful. If your Maid of Honor has remained calm in the past, she is sure to hold up for you now. Is she organized and a good leader? She should be tactful and able to take control of situations should they occur within the bridal party. If she can resolve disagreements, that is one less stress for you.
Best Man
Again, your fiancé should choose someone who is close to him. Remember, he will have to give a speech at the reception. Choose someone who is comfortable with this (and who will not be inebriated by the time he is in the spotlight!)
Bridesmaids and Groomsmen
These people could be your “social” friends or relatives. You can look to these people to support you during the planning. But, they can really be helpful to mingle with others at the reception, introduce people, and get the dance floor moving.
Personal Attendant
Your attendant could have whatever level of responsibility you choose. If she is especially organized, she can keep the wedding day flowing without panic. If she has been married herself, that can be helpful, too. She already knows a groomsman will forget his black socks and she will remember to bring extra!
Flower Girl and Ring Bearer
Unless you are very close to a child, including one in your wedding isn’t necessary. Although they can make a cute addition, make sure they are comfortable with you—and with an audience.
Still stuck? Consider these questions:
--Is your best friend is completely unreliable? Now may not be the time to give her the benefit of the doubt. If you think she will ditch all your pre-wedding events, and know that will hurt you, don’t choose her. If her lack of participation won’t bother you, go ahead and ask her.
--Who has helped you so far? Did your big sis already set a date to take you shopping for the perfect shoes? That shows initiative and attention to detail on her part. Give her another thought for that Maid of Honor spot!
Why NOT to ask someone to join your wedding party
Your grandmother will be upset if your cousin Judy isn’t a bridesmaid.
You hardly know her and want to give the spot to someone important to you. Simply explain the value of closeness in your bridal party. You can always include your cousin by having her greet guests.
In jr. high, you “pinky swore” you’d choose Suzy to be your Maid of Honor.
If you have lost touch, there is no reason to keep your promise. You should choose someone who is meaningful to you now, not in the past. If she assumes she is a bridesmaid, be sensitive, but don’t waste time in setting her straight.
You were her bridesmaid. Although it is a nice offer, it isn’t necessary to ask her because she asked you. Maybe you have three sisters to ask and she had none. Whatever the case, reciprocity is not required.
After you choose them, make them happy
--Did you ask their input? If you are choosing the bridesmaid’s dresses, perhaps they could choose their own shoes. Even better, ask them for input on the dress.
--Can they afford it? Make sure no one is uncomfortable paying the amount you ask. If it is unrealistic for them, try to offer a reasonable solution.
--Do they have the time? If your bridesmaid is taking finals the week of your wedding, make sure you are aware of how much time she can commit to you. Then you won’t expect too much.
--Do they know your expectations? Maybe your bridesmaid hasn’t been in a wedding before. Help them out by pulling together a folder containing checklists and the wedding day schedule for each of your wedding party members.
Most importantly, be sure to thank your wedding party members with a gift. Make sure they know how significant it is that they are with you to share your very special day!
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