In most cases, people are honored when asked to be a part of a wedding party. But, there are those times when you wonder why the bride even asked you! It turns out to be a waste of your time and money, and you end up never speaking to the bride again.
Why did she ask me?
· A bride usually asks the people closest to her to be a part of her big day. However, sometimes these relationships are not always reciprocated in the same way. Maybe she considers you more of a friend than you do her.
· Maybe someone is “making” her ask you. Often parents and other family members try to influence the bride on who she chooses. Maybe you are the bride’s cousin and her family insisted she ask you.
· Maybe she has no one else to ask. Unfortunately, there are people out there who find it hard to keep people close. Maybe she let her friendships go when she met her man. But, now she needs them back for attendants. Maybe she knows she can “guilt” you into it and you will say yes.
It’s OK to say “no”
If you are surprised she asked you and you don’t feel your relationship with her is close enough or comfortable enough to spend the time or money on her wedding, you can turn down the offer. In this type of situation, most people consider the obvious answer to be “yes”, but don’t get yourself into something you don’t have the energy for. It isn’t fair to either of you. Maybe you think wearing a dress for one day is no big deal. But, don’t forget—you have to pay for that dress, along with shoes, parties for the bride, travel, and gifts. You have to make time for the parties, dress fittings and whatever else the bride requests.
How to turn her down
If you are thinking of saying no, let her know that. It may be uncomfortable for you, but one moment of discomfort is better than months of discomfort. Thank her for the offer and let her know you are flattered. Tell her you’d like to think about it before you make such a big commitment.
You may already have a good reason for turning her down. Maybe you are finishing school, or planning your own wedding. But, if you need an excuse, again, lack of time and money are usually pretty substantial reasons.
You said yes—and made a big mistake!
If you are planning to step down from the wedding party, try to do it sooner than later, so the bride can make plans for another bridesmaid if she chooses. Again, maybe you have a good reason, like you are going on a semester trip abroad, or you are moving out of state and won’t be around. Again, lack of time and money are also good reasons to step down.
No regrets
Don’t feel bad if you leave the wedding party or decline the bride’s offer altogether. Both you and the bride will probably be better off in the end. Take it from someone who learned the hard way--you will save yourself a lot of struggling if you are honest with her upfront, instead of putting yourself through something you cannot handle.
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