The thank you notes are done, the dress is being preserved, the cake is safely in the freezer, and you’re married. Sadly, many new brides sink into a depression shortly after the wedding. Some say it is because the chore that has occupied so much of your time is finished, and you don’t know what to do with yourself. Other think it is because the bride spends so much time involved in the “fairytale wedding” cloud, real life looks rather drab and depressing after the big party with pictures and everyone making a fuss. In some cases, one or both of the newlyweds had very different expectations about what married life would be like, and that has turned out to be false.
It does not have to be this way. Many brides have watched too much television and believe that now that they are married, they must suddenly morph into a combination of Donna Reid and Martha Stewart, making a perfect three course meal every night and having every hair in place. But that might not be your style! Remember, in most cases your husband did not marry you for your ability to hand-letter place cards or wear a petticoat and pearls. He married you because he loved YOU, even if that you wears jeans and a sweatshirt and prefers Chinese take-out to home cooking. Don’t alter your personality to fit an image that wasn’t you to begin with.
Some brides feel the pressure, from family or society or complete strangers, to start having a family right away. It is much more important to solidify your relationship with your new husband and create the life of your own family (yes, you and your husband are your own family now!) A new baby adds incredible stresses to any relationship, much moreso to a brand-new one.
Maybe you feel that you must spend all your free time with your new husband. Again, he married you because you had your own life and interests that made you a special person. Don’t give those up just because you are wearing a new ring. If you enjoyed scrapbooking or salsa dancing before your marriage, don’t let your books or dance shoes gather dust.
One of the greatest things any new bride can do is read “What No One Tells the Bride” by Marg Stark. You will know that you are not crazy for feeling sad after the greatest day of your life. You will discover that your feelings are real and valid, and you will learn that your marriage *IS* normal, warts and all. Most importantly, you’ll be prepared to move on with your life as a wife.
-- Anne, Maryland
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