Informing Your Families of Your Engagement

First and foremost, congratulations!

I met my husband online, and I remember feeling somewhat uncomfortable telling some of my family. So I took the easy way out. I told my parents and had them share the news with everyone else.

Traditionally, both sets of parents are told first. However, if either of you have children, they should be the first to hear the news. Probably you will want to make personal visits to both sets of parents before telling others. They really don’t like being the last to know. If either of your parents live far away, then a phone call will be fine. With your parents, you can make a list of whom you want to announce the engagement to. Then decide how to tell them (in person, formal printed announcements, telephone, etc.).

If both sets of parents have not yet met, arrange a meeting even if location means the meeting will be via telephone or through technology, internet meeting.

If either of your parents plans to help with the expenses of the wedding, or you plan to ask them, it is essential to get together shortly after the engagement is official to discuss your ideas and everyone’s expectations. Now is a good time to prepare or set a preliminary budget and see how much your family is willing to spend. Discuss the style and size of the wedding you want, the guest list and number of people to invite, and who wants to pay for what.

Finally, if you think that either family will not be happy or approve of your decision to marry, it is best that their own child inform them privately. Yes, it is true you will have to deal with your in-laws for the rest of your lives; however, problem parents are still the main responsibility of their own child.

Before either of you announce your engagement to problem parents, be prepared to hear the worst. The worst being that one or both will not attend the wedding or participate in any way. You should be strong, tell your parents you want them to all be there and share in your happiness and you expect them to reconcile their objections for your sake, but if they can’t, so be it. If that’s the case, you will have to plan whatever kind of wedding you can afford without them. Just remember, your commitment to one another is your first priority. None should be permitted to spoil the celebration affirming that promise and commitment.

Now that everyone is informed. It is time to begin the planning. Good Luck!!!