One in twenty American women have an eating disorder. That means, that while it is not often discussed publicly, many brides are eating disorder sufferers. I am writing this article for these women—perhaps even you reading this—because I have been where you are and I want you to know you are not alone.
I developed anorexia and bulimia in 1996. When I got married on July 7, 2001, I was in the best place physically and mentally I had been in five years. This was due to the love and support of my family, a wonderful therapist, a great team of doctors, and medication. However, I found that the stresses of my wedding planning thrust my eating disorder back into the picture. Thoughts of food and weight became constant on my mind—I even had one day when I told my fiancé I would not eat a bite of wedding cake at our reception for fear of being “fat” for our honeymoon!
If your wedding is approaching and you feel your eating disorder asking to be invited, realize this is normal. Stress and life changing events, even for a woman doing very well with her recovery, can trigger disordered eating behavior and thoughts. A big wedding related stressor is the wedding dress. It is very important to realize that wedding dress sizing is bizarre. Almost every bride wears a wedding gown at least one or two sizes above their regular size. When I realized my size four body would need a size eight wedding gown I freaked out! I felt fat. I felt like a failure. I felt like I needed to starve myself again. Then, I realized almost every bride needed a bigger wedding dress then her normal size! If this issue is upsetting to you, keep telling yourself “It is the industry, not my body.”
As your wedding approaches, be aware of your disordered eating and monitor yourself closely—if you are no longer in therapy, consider getting back in touch with your therapist or doctor. Make sure you tell your fiancé and anyone else who is supportive of your recovery efforts that you are struggling so they can be a source of help for you. Remember to take your medications if you are medicated. Take each day at a time and remind yourself that if you do not eat, for example, you will not have the strength to get married and could end up in the hospital.
As much as you can, try to stay on a normal eating and exercise routine right before your wedding—DO NOT restrict your food or over exercise. Exercise is in moderation is excellent and is a great way to relieve your stress, but do not go overboard. In all the hustle and bustle of wedding preparations, do not forget to eat—even an accidental restriction may trigger a restricting state for you. Contrary, if your problem is overeating/binging, structure your situation so you can’t binge even if you wanted to.
My anorexia was definitely “around” during my wedding preparations—however, I dealt with it by depending on my loved ones for support and realizing I would be okay. For example, I always carried a can of Ensure with me during the days before the wedding incase I needed instant energy.
It is now a year since my wedding and I am happy to report that I am doing excellent. I love being married and my recovery is going well. I even ate two pieces of our delicious wedding cake on our anniversary with no guilty feelings! Sure, I have my bad days every once and a while—but I don’t beat myself up over them. I am at a place of happiness and health I never thought I could achieve, but I have. If you are not quite here yet, hang in there, you can be and if you already are, congratulations. You are all very special women and I mean that from my heart.
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