Monday, April 21, 2008

Now that you are engaged, here's how to start...

Congratulations on your engagement! I am so happy for you. And, depending on how long you are going to be engaged before you get married depends on how long it is going to take you to turn into a monster. Yes, dear—you. Stress is a nasty thing and it does nasty things to you. We’re gonna help you find a way around that before your Maid of Honor starts taking up a collection to hire a hit man.


First, make a lot of the decisions BY YOURSELF before you share them with anyone else. The reason for this? You will at least have a notion of what it is you want instead of being steered in 25 different directions and not knowing what to choose. Have you been planning your wedding since you were 9 and already know you wanted yellow and blue as your colors? Then go with it and stand your ground-politely, but firmly. Moving along…


Choosing your attendants. If you only have a few friends, this will be fairly easy. If you have a lot of friends, you’re bound to tick someone off. The last thing you need right now is the stress of friends who are refusing to speak to you. Your maid or matron of honor is almost always your best friend, a sister and sometimes even, your mother. Depending on the size of your wedding and the size of your circle of friends is where choosing bridesmaids becomes an issue. If you can get away with it, choose sisters, cousins, 2nd cousins twice removed, anyone family and then blame it on your mother. This will take the heat off of you.


Keep a journal. Even if you’ve never kept one before, start one now. This will be your private place, the one place where you can call everyone every name you want and the one thing no one else can control. A journal will assist you in venting your stress, jotting down ideas and keeping a record of what you have done and what needs done next. Yes, a wedding checklist will accomplish this too, but this is YOUR place. Anyone else involved in the wedding could see the wedding checklist, but the journal is a place where you can quietly try to make sense of it all.


Unless you have an affable groom-to-be who loves to shop as much as you do, leave him at home. There is nothing more stressful than dragging along a man who would sooner take a bath in battery acid than look at china place settings. Men just don’t care about these things and there is no sense in you having a hissy fit over it. If it’s a plate and it has food on it, he’ll eat it. He really doesn’t care what the pattern on the plate is. Some men will get involved in shopping for larger items for your new home, but for the most part, they love you enough to trust your judgement. I personally love shopping without my husband. If I let him decide what we shopped for, we would be sitting and sleeping on the floor and eating off of paper plates with plastic forks.


In-laws-to-be. This could take a whole article. My advice—be nice, be polite, smile a lot, shake your head up and down like one of those bobble dolls. Then, go do what you want. Arguing with your future in-laws always sets a bad tone. Don’t go there.


D-Day---have as few people helping out with things as possible. The more people doing things, the more confusing it becomes. There should really only be two people with the bride—her Maid/Matron of Honor and her mother or other close relative or friend. Too many people in that room and you can cut the stress levels with a knife. You are going to be nervous and happy all at the same time. I’ve seen brides verging on hysteria from the stress levels that can build just before hitting the aisle. The last thing you need is a gaggle of people milling about trying to do every little thing and getting in the way. Lock the door if you have to but you need some peace and calm before you take that walk.


The best way to de-stress? SMILE. You’d be surprised how it will relax you. It may be through gritted teeth, but smile anyway.

No comments: