Particularly for brides with a one-year or longer engagement length, it is not uncommon to have an engagement party with close friends and family. The purpose is to celebrate your engagement with those who are close to you. It is also an opportunity for your bridal party and for families of both the bride and groom to meet each other if they have not done so already.
There are no set rules for who typically hosts the engagement party. The bride and groom can host it. Sometimes the parents of the bride or groom host it. Or a friend or family member can host the event. The formality of the event can range from a simple barbecue to a sit-down dinner in a banquet hall. The tone of the party will depend on the trends in your region, as well as you and your family’s own personal preference.
Typically, the engagement party is held a few months after your engagement and about one year before the wedding date. If kept informal, it can even be combined with other celebrations, such as graduations or family reunions, if part of the purpose is for family to meet and enjoy the moment with the bride and groom.
The guest list can range from just the parents of the bride and groom to whoever is close to you who will also be invited to the wedding. Some engagement parties have been known to have upwards of 80 guests! Usually, the list is limited to those guests who are in the nearby vicinity, as it may be inconvenient for other guests to travel since they will have to for the wedding. Usually written invitations are sent out so that guests can mark their calendar, but if the guest list is short, verbal communication may be all that you need. Either way, you may want to require a response for regrets if you need to keep track of head count and so that you know whom to expect. This could be an RSVP (regrets only) section with a phone number to call in regrets, or it could be a formal response card similar to a wedding invitation.
Food can be simple appetizers, a home cooked meal, a buffet, a barbecue, or a potluck where guests each bring a small plate. If you expect dancing, you may want to have a stereo system handy or hire a DJ for about 4 hours. You can arrange for a guest book and a cake, as well as a few “games” similar to a bridal shower, or more athletic events such as volleyball.
Etiquette dictates that gifts should not be expected at engagement parties. This rule may vary, however, depending on your regional culture. You may want to explicitly state “best wishes only” in your invitations, or by word of mouth, if you do not expect gifts. Some guests will want to bring a gift even if they are not expected to. In these instances, you may want to wait until after the party to open them so as to not make your other guests feel guilty. You will also want to send a thank-you note to those guests who do give you a gift.
If any guests feel compelled to toast, it is not an unusual gesture to do so at the party. It can be a spontaneous gesture and thus does not need to be planned.
There are truly no hard and fast rules for the guest list, formality, food, or setting for your engagement party. Just do what feels right for you, your friends, and your family. Above all else, have a wonderful time and enjoy celebrating your engagement!
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