Things to consider before you say “I do”

Deciding that you are in love is one thing, but a lifetime of commitment is another. Your engagement can be a telling test of your relationship, which is bound to change in the many years you will spend with your spouse. Planning a wedding asks you to consider many things that you will have to deal with in your marriage:


· Priorities


Now: What comes first? Your set-in-stone Friday night date, or a last minute opening with a renowned bridal consultant?


Later: Working late, or making it home in time for a family dinner?





· Religion


Now: You say church with a priest. He says botanical gardens with a JOP.


Later: He says Sunday morning church. You say sleep in.


· Money


Now: You say professional photographer, he says amateur with a camera.


Later: He says Lexus, you say Oldsmobile.


· Family


Now: You say professional hair stylist. He says his mom can fix your wedding day hair. (YIKES!)


Later: You say Thanksgiving at your house. He says Thanksgiving at Mom’s house.


Discuss in length and agree on these issues before you say yes


· Work arrangements. It is likely that both you and your spouse will have to work. Don’t let it absorb your life. Commit to leaving at a certain time every day to make time in the evenings for your husband. It is important to arrange “alone time”. (And, being alone together while you are sleeping doesn’t count!)


· Prenuptial agreements. If either one of you insists upon one of these, be sure to discuss every possible reason why it is necessary and make sure the other understands. If either of you is under significant pressure to sign, that should be a sign to you!!


· Kids. Yes or no? Two kids or five? When is the right time? Children will put a considerable damper on your relationship for a good amount of time. If you are in no rush, put off children as long as possible and settle into your marriage before making a second life altering change in such a short period of time.


· Dealing with your in-laws. Know that you can never please everyone, but you can try. Each of you has a new set of relatives to deal with. Squabbling over where to spend holidays and other similar arguments are bound to occur. Remember that you and your spouse are now a family and may need to break away a bit to start some of your own family traditions. It may take some standing up to parents on both of your parts.


The wedding itself will likely be a major source of strain, tension and anxiety. Your values, loyalties, personal history and, especially your parents, all come into contact at once. You have a million decisions to make and as many people offering advice. The objective is to get through it all to make it to one very happy and exciting day.