Dealing with RSVP's (or a lack of)

It's terribly frustrating, but a fact of life for any bride: your RSVP due date has come and gone, but there are still a number of RSVP's that you have not received.

Unfortunately, many people for one reason or another will not return your RSVP's, not realizing the importance of having an exact number for your caterer. Not getting an RSVP leaves the bride and groom to wonder whether they should assume that guest is not coming, or shell out the extra money is case he or she does come.

To try to avoid doing either one of those, it is proper etiquette to call the invitee and ask if they will be attending. It is certainly better to get as close a headcount as possible for your caterer, than to find out there are not enough meals for your guests.

SETTING AN RSVP DUE DATE

First of all, it's not uncommon for people to send in an RSVP after the RSVP due date. When setting your due date, you should give yourself that extra week or so for any late-coming RSVP's. You might allow one week for any late RSVP's and then two weeks to call people (you will likely have to wait for people to return your call, so you should allow time for that). Therefore you might set your RSVP date three weeks before the date your caterer needs a headcount.

As mentioned, a number of RSVP's may arrive late, so you may want to wait a week after the date, however, it you want to get moving on making the calls, you are certainly within your right to call the day after the due date.

MAKING THE CALL

The bride does not have to make all these calls herself. Often, if the mother is accepting the RSVP's she may make all the calls. Sometimes a sister of the bride of MOH will offer to make the calls to lighten the burden on the bride. The best scenario might be one where the calls are divided between people based on who has the most appropriate relationship with the invited guest. The bride might call her friends and family, the groom calls his, the bride's mother may call friends from her list or family members the bride is not particularly close to. The same goes for the in-laws.

When you make the call, you should never scold the guest, or make them feel guilty for not returning the RSVP. Often, they will be embarrassed they did not take the effort to put it in the mail. To break the ice, when appropriate, you could start the call with a little small talk. Then you could politely ask them if they would be attending your wedding, because you hadn't received an answer and you need a total headcount for the caterer. You should use the headcount as your reason for calling, or say that you are having assigned seating and you wanted to be sure that they had a seat. You are not calling to nag or find out if they are coming to give you a gift!!

Of course when it comes to co-workers who didn't RSVP, you could simply ask them at work. Coworkers may not return an RSVP because they verbally told you they were coming. However, you might want to confirm they are coming anyway, and if you suspect they may take a guest, you might politely confirm that you need to make room for only one person?again citing the fact that you need an exact headcount for the caterer.

Hopefully as a result of making this contact, and these calls, you will be able get a solid headcount. However, there may still be some people who you cannot get a hold of. In that case you might want to overestimate the headcount just to be safe. Discuss this with your caterer as they usually know best how much to overestimate, or sometimes they do it automatically.

Yes, making these calls is just "one more thing" a bride has to do, but it's just one more way that you could avoid any surprises or stress on your wedding day.