Monday, April 21, 2008

My Wedding Was Planned Without Me!

You knew that announcing your engagement would cause a whirlwind of activity. Somehow, it miraculously went faster than you thought: the church and reception site are booked, your dress is picked out, the flowers are arranged, the cake is decorated. One would think this sounds like an incredibly organized bride keeping on top of her chores. So what's the problem? You didn't do any of these things - it appears your MOTHER planned these things within a week of the happy news!


Many brides today believe that they were raised to be self-assured young women capable of handling anything that came their way, including planning a wedding. However, they are often shocked to discover that their desires and preferences for the happiest day of their lives take a back seat to the plans the Mother of the Bride started making the moment the doctor announced "It's a girl!"


Take heart, however. Your mother is not aiming to plan your wedding without you. In some cases, she just wants you to have everything that she didn't have, and who better to know what was missing from her day than her? Maybe she wants you to have the perfect wedding to rival Charles and Diana (minus their unfortunate result, of course). That is the time for the bride to step in and say that certain things - the bachelorette party, a sweetheart table instead of a head table, tulips instead of roses, etc. - are important to her and her husband and she expects that to be respected.


Not all blame should be placed on the Mother of the Bride, either. Anyone with an unreasonably strong opinion may be the guilty party. We’ve often heard of Bridezilla, but just as often there is the Father of the Groom who swears he can “get a deal” on the liquor for the reception, and promises to be exceptionally offended, or the Aunt of the Bride who mistakenly thinks she is Betty Crocker and tries to make the wedding cake without asking either the bride or the groom about their views! There are relatives of all sizes and shapes who think each rule of etiquette should be followed (even though no one knows how to use a fish fork), and just as many relatives who think etiquette should be thrown out the window.


There may be an easy way around all of the troubles, however. When someone offers to get something/find something/make something/buy something for the wedding — LET THEM. Shocking as it might seem, not all family members are total dunces when it comes to weddings, and it will make your life as the Bride easier. Delegate those tasks that are not of the utmost importance to you. If you don’t care what your cake knife and server look like, let your stylish aunt find a nice set and you might be pleasantly surprised. If you don’t mind who keeps track of the entrĂ©e choices, go ahead and have the RSVPs sent to your parents’ home, even though you haven’t lived there in ten years. It will save some heartache and a few fights, and may just make your wedding that much more unique!

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