You’ve finally completed your registries, and both you and your fiancé lived to tell about it. But that’s just the thing – how do you tell everyone without breaking etiquette or appearing like you’re fishing for gifts?
What are Friends For?
The most common way to get the news out is by word of mouth. As soon as you register, let your parents and closest friends know the names of the stores and largest locations. Many inquiring guests will be sure to call up members of your wedding party to get this information. Your parents can politely pass the word on to relatives and their friends. And allowing your friends and family to notify guests comes with an added benefit: they can feign ignorance of little known etiquette rules.
For example, did you register for china because grandma insisted, but you’d prefer items from your home improvement store registry? Have your Maid of Honor innocently tell inquiring guests: “Well, they are registered at Bloomingdale’s for dinnerware. But I think I will buy something off their Home Depot registry; they have been working really hard to fix up the new house, and I know they would just love some extra tiling to complete the new bathroom.” Sure, some guests might find it a little tacky or forward – but you may just get the items you really want. And when your Maid of Honor gets married, you can return the favor by acting equally as clueless towards registry etiquette for her guests.
Website Wonders
If you feel many of your guests are familiar with the Internet, you can discreetly get the word out by means of a wedding website. Many online wedding sites now offer you the option of filling out a personalized three-page site with details pertaining to your wedding, complete with lines to subtly announce your various registries.
If you have some web programming skills yourself, consider designing your own site. Offer links to any registries that are available both in-store and online. This allows guests to check availability of your items before stopping by a local store. Or they may choose to purchase items directly from the online site.
Notifying your guests of the website is easy. Rather than including photocopied maps and hotel reservation information in invitations, include a small decorative card with a note like: “Stop by our Wedding Website for helpful Guest Information.” List your registries on the pages with other important guest information. This way, you can be assured that your guests will discover where you are registered, without having to break etiquette by including registry information directly in the invitation.
How ‘bout a Party?
While it is usually frowned upon to include registry information directly in your wedding invitations, it has become very common to include such information in bridal shower invitations. After all, the main event at a shower is usually watching the bride open gifts – so guests should know what type of things you need for married life. Many registries offer “announcement cards” at no additional cost. Hand these cards over to the host of your bridal shower so that she may include them in shower invitations. And again, if a guest gives you any hassle, you can innocently reply, “Oh, Susan planned the shower. I didn’t see the invitations.”
The Direct Approach
When asked directly where you are registered, don’t be afraid to give a straightforward answer. Many brides feel guilty when a guest replies: “I won’t be able to make it to the wedding, but where are you registered?” Don’t let this get you frazzled. If a guest has been so bold as to ask you directly, it is likely that they really do want to give you a gift. You could give an answer such as: “Well, we registered at Macy’s. But please don’t feel that you have to get us something.” This answers the guest’s question but allows you to ease the uncomfortable feeling you may have about “asking” for gifts.
Lastly, never force registry information on your guests. If it is two days before the wedding, and you are certain that several guests still don’t know where you registered, let it go. Guests are not required to give a gift, and they are also not required to give a gift off the registry. They may have found something else they are certain you will like. Or perhaps with all the travel expenses, they really cannot afford any other gift than sharing your special day with you.
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