So You're Not Inviting Children?

The decision to exclude children from your wedding guest list can be a tough one. You may be feeling some pressure from your family and friends to include children, and you really do love the little ones, but you’ve decided that an adults-only ceremony and reception is the right choice for you and your fiancé. Maybe you are concerned that by inviting some children and not others, you may hurt some parents’ feelings. Maybe you’re on a tight budget and just can’t afford to add the smaller guests. Don’t be embarrassed to admit that you’re afraid that a squirmy, bored child might scream her way through your beautiful vows. In many instances, weddings aren’t appropriate places for children – perhaps the event is very formal, or will run late into the evening – and you shouldn’t feel obligated to include them.


That said, not all of the grown-ups on your guest list will take the hint that Johnny and Suzie aren’t invited, and there are some smart steps to take to make sure that your wishes are known. First, and most importantly, be sure to address the invitation, both the inner and outer envelopes, in such a way that it is clear to whom the invitation is being extended. “Dr. and Mrs. Michael Johnson” leaves no room for confusion, whereas “The Johnsons” indicates that the entire family is invited. If a teenager or young adult living at home is invited along with her parents, the envelope would read “Dr. and Mrs. Michael Johnson”, and below, “Miss Jennifer Johnson”.


Don’t be embarrassed to call a guest who included their children on their RSVP. It is perfectly acceptable to apologize for the confusion and explain that the wedding is an adults-only affair. In fact, if you are not afraid to tweak traditional invitation etiquette, many brides are now including a line on their reception cards which state “Adult reception to be held immediately following ceremony”, or with the reception details as applicable.


If you have a number of guests coming from out of town, you may want to arrange for a babysitter at the hotel where they will be staying, so that your guests won’t have to worry about their children – and won’t be tempted to bring them along to the wedding! A small insert card in the invitation notifying guests that a sitter is available will let guests know without a doubt that children are not invited to the celebration., and will also allow them to make plans accordingly. Your maid of honor’s teenage sisters might be perfect for the babysitter job, and the thoughtful gesture will make your out-of-town guests think you are the bride of the year!


And when all else fails, word of mouth can be the biggest help of all. If you’re concerned that a particular guest may not realize that her son is not invited, you might dispatch your mom to call her and say, “Oh, I haven’t seen Billy in ages. The bride and groom have chosen an adults-only wedding, but please be sure to tuck a photo of him into your bag to show me at the reception!”


If you make sure from the start that your wishes are known, you’ll avoid any sticky situations that might arise – and your guests will be ready to leave the kids at home and dance the night away